Wonderings and Wanderings

I've been wandering around this site and another site I am on frequently (liquiddietdiscussion.com) and wondering about how much I belong on these two sites.  Don't get me wrong, I've had tons of great support.  But I almost feel like at this point in my journey, I don't know where to go!  Let me explain.

When I first started out on the LD site, I felt I really needed them and their support to get me through.  Even though I wasn't on the same typical plan and many questioned my method, for the most part they were very supportive.  So, I stayed and I've tried to be very supportive of other members.  No matter WHAT program they were doing (there are TONS of LD programs!).  But now, I feel like I'm coming to a cross road.  For me, LD wasn't about a 'break' from food or about getting over a food addiction.  For me, it was simply an easy, really low carb method to get calories in!  Not to mention, I'm kinda lazy and I hated having to be creative with coming up with LC foods.  My worst time of day was morning so usually, I skipped it.  Which in turn would have me STARVING by lunch time.  So, going to shakes was super easy for me because I could easily make it up and then grab-n-go.  A nice side-effect was the break from food because it made me see food a little differently, but I still refuse to see foods in categories of 'good' and 'bad'.  I still see them on a scale of good.

Back to my point, I still haven't weighed, but I feel as if I have gotten past my 40lb. mark.  I will know for sure on Valentine's, but until then, NADA.  But my issue is, I don't know how much I belong on the board.  When I hit the 30lbs., I had started adding back in LC foods like lunch meat, cheese, and berries.  I'm still losing, but I'm not doing as many shakes like I was before.  And since my goal is to lead a low carb lifestyle and not just do this to lose weight, I almost feel like I don't belong there.

Then there is the issue with HERE.  I'm not sure if this is the right forum for my thoughts and feelings.  Many of my musings and worries that effect me are in no way related to my weight loss journey, but they certainly do affect my mood which DOES relate to my weight loss!  But sometimes, I just need to talk and ramble on about the things that bother me.  Working through those are what has helped me to stay the track instead of reaching for something else or just not caring enough about me.  And with saying that, I worry this isn't the correct forum and wonder if I should open up a different blog to cover everything and not just, "here's what I weigh, here's what I ate, and this is my exercise".  I realize many people go to OT subjects, but I just don't know how appropriate it is.

Then there is the last issue of how much do I tell my friends?  I'm pretty darn honest and open with all of my friends.  I became more so when I started this change because a few were shocked that weight was even an issue for me.  Many didn't believe my start weight of 226.5.  I came right out and told them how I felt and they've been as supportive as they can be -- none of them have ever had real weight issues but ONE.  And SHE is always complaining that she can't get to 135 (she's 148 right now).  Now, don't get me wrong -- I don't begrudge her dream or goal.  But it drives me batty when we're talking about something entirely different and she goes into the whole speal about how she's not losing.  And I feel like many times her compliments are double sided.  Like, "You lost 3lbs. this week?  That's awesome.  But I've not lost anything and I'm feeling frustrated.  WHY can't I get to the 130's???"  It's like, she can celebrate my victories because she's upset about hers.  Don't think I'm mean -- I am to a certain extent!  LOL  But in this situation this isn't the only time she does this!  It happens with other matters, too!  And to be honest, I didn't do that when she first started and I was trying another plan that ended up not working for me.  I was frustrated, but I made it a point to celebrate every pound she lost -- which if she loses 2 more pounds will be 50.  It also upsets me when she talks about what a 'lard ass' she is at 148.  That irks me because that is my GOAL.  Actually, my goal is the 150's, but still.  URGH.  It just makes me wonder if I should tell them about a blog or not.  There's something freeing about ranting out in space.  I guess because I'm still putting it out there and someone is reading it even if people don't comment.  I read lots of blogs and never comment.  Not sure why.  I just don't.  Well, maybe if I have something productive to say, but otherwise I just read.

So, that is what is running through my brain.  I guess I should mention that other things in my life are going well.  I feel like with my diet, I am in the 'zone'.  That's the great thing about staying on really low carbs to lose -- your body gets into Ketosis and you cease to have cravings!  Right now, I remind myself to eat!  But I make sure to get in a good amount of fuel a day.  I'm not doing some crazy low portions or anything.  I just feel like right now, I'm in a good place.  I DO have a GNO (Girls Night Out) coming up, but not sure if I will go or not.  It's at a bar.  I can resist food, but alcohol... not so much.  So, I think I may avoid it for now.  There will be other GNO's.  Not that I'm not living life or anything.  :D  I'm still going out to eat and yadda yadda when I want, but I avoid alcohol because it really is a waste of calories.  And since that is their main goal for that night, well, no real point in going if I'm not going for that!  I'll probably go do a coffee night with the ladies.  I can always drink coffee or hot tea!  YUMMERS.  I just get plain -- I don't need all that added crap.

Well, my mind is still foggy, but I feel somewhat better writing about my worries over the two sites.  Maybe I just think and worry too much?  I'm not sure.  I will think about it today and make a decision.