Tired

I am feeling really tired today.  Another restless night for me!  We fought and fought with the youngest trying to get him to sleep, but he just wouldn't.  I think it was almost 10 by the time we got him down!  Then by the time we had our usual snack, showers, and quiet time, it was super late and we went on to bed.  That was around 11:30.  That wouldn't be so bad except I haven't gotten much sleep the last couple of nights and before that, we'd been trying to go to bed before 11.  10:30 if possible.  Which sounds SO early to me!  Mostly because I am a night owl and use to go to bed on an early night at midnight.  But now with a baby who still gets up at night, I go to bed earlier or suffer for it.  But when my head hit the pillow last night, I just couldn't seem to get to sleep!  I laid there and tossed and turned with no luck.  Not sure why.  The next thing I know, it's almost 3AM and the baby is up.  Took him FOREVER to take his bottle!  Once he was laid back down, it felt like it was only another hour or two later when he woke up again.  I didn't get up then, I let him put himself back to sleep.  But then at 7, he was back up again.  7 is good, so we got on up.  I really like getting up between 7 and 8 now.  ESPECIALLY now that weather is warming up -- I want to enjoy as much of the day as possible!

SO, when I weighed in this morning, I was half asleep and had already drunk some water AND a big gulp of my protein shake.  So, I saw 206.  DARN IT!  I had hoped to see 205.  :(  But it's all good.  I am not going to sweat half a pound.  Especially when I haven't been sleeping well and I know I could be eating better.  I was off a bit yesterday again.  Not that it was 'bad' but, I got busy making my LC cookies and missed snack.  Then dinner was higher in salt than normal.  But eh, it's ok.  It happens.  Just going to keep plugging right along.  But I have GOT to get more sleep.  I sure wish my little guy would start sleeping through the night.  I'd rather get up earlier than be woken up 2 or 3 times.  I think I was spoiled by my first who slept through the night at a VERY young age AND for a long period of time!  LOL

I do have a little rant.  I just need to get it out of my system because it hurt my feelings and well, I'm going to keep chewing it over and over again if I don't get it out.  My Mom and I are very close and talk on the phone quite often.  And last night as we were talking, I told her that I was down another pound and I was really pleased with my progress.  She was like, "That's great!  Have you considered getting the lap band?"  I said, "What?  No.  I'm losing already.  Why would I do that now?"  To which she said, "Well, if you got that, it would be a lot faster."  My response was, "I don't want to just lose it fast, Mom.  I want to lose it slow and permanently.  I mean, I'm losing about 2lbs. per week, so I think that's good!  In just a few months, I'll be really close to my ultimate goal."  Again, "But wouldn't the lap-band be faster?"  I get it.  She wants me to be skinny -- if for no other reason than that she is big and wishes she wasn't.  But I sure do wish she would stop putting her issues on me.  I understand she is my Mom and just wants me to be in a better place than her, but when she says things like that, it doesn't help me.  It shoots me down and makes me feel like what I am doing isn't good enough.  Why would you suggest surgery to someone, though, when they are doing so well?  Yes, it took me a while to get here!  I mean, I started in Dec. and up until the beginning of this month I only lost 3.5lbs.  But now in just the last couple of weeks, I have lost 7.5lbs. for a total of 11.  I had JUST told her how I was feeling good about my changes and BAM.  A slap to the face.

Needless to say, my hubby was not happy.  He heard this and said he felt like yelling to her that she should go do it for herself before she suggested it to anyone else.  Seeing as how my Mom thinks the hubbs is a Saint -- I sorta wish he had.  I just don't think she gets it the way she should.  She says she is happy for me to be losing, but then she says that.  I just don't get it.  Why not just celebrate what I am doing now and that I am feeling good instead of saying it should be 'faster'.  I would love to have some 'big' weeks, but I in no way want huge leaps.  It just won't be good for me.  Biggest Loser is a prime example of how people go on there, lose a ton of weight in just a couple of months, and then gain it back!  I love that show, but it just isn't very realistic.  You just don't get in the RIGHT habits on there.  You lose, you lose eating good, but the amount of exercise and the lifestyle there isn't real.  They aren't living their real lives, dealing with day to day things, and they are working out for hours a day which most people just cannot do.  So for me, I'd rather be losing due to healthy choices and normal life than to just do something drastic to 'get'er done'.  I want this to last.  I want this to be real.  And the only way that can happen is if I MAKE IT THAT WAY.  No surgeries, no crazy diets, no magic pills, no temporary fix.  Slow, steady and long lasting is my goal.

Now, don't anyone think I am bashing the surgeries -- I have a few close friends who have had it.  And trust me, it's not easy.  But they had much different issues than I did and much more weight to lose.  And for THEM, surgery WAS the best choice.  But it isn't for me.  For me, I just have to keep my food on track and I know that eventually I will reach the next station.  For me, I know that no low calorie diet or magic pil or herbal oil will magically just take the weight off.  For me, it's whole natural foods as much as I can, regular exercise, a regular routine, and just sticking with it.  I know I can do it.  I just wish my Mom knew it, too.

This is all for now -- long enough, eh?  Off to do some much needed work around here.