Ladies and gentle... are there men here???

OK ladies.  I've been marinating now for a couple of days.  Trying to keep calm.  Trying to be level headed.  And the more I try, the more I am starting to feel like I'm going to explode.  I have just HAD IT.  What's going on, you ask?  Only that I truly do hate it here and I'm starting to feel like I'm drowning.  It came to a head when my Dad was in the hospital.  I kinda iced over everything before because, well, I couldn't deal with it then and I needed the time to process it and make sure I wasn't just being overly dramatic.  First, I've come to the conclusion that my brother and I will never have a relationship.  He came to the hospital visibly hung over and excessively grumpy.  I attribute this due to his own lack of self control and self respect AND a bit of nerves over Dad.  But either way, he was so loud and so rude, it was embarrassing.  At one point, my Dad even shushed him.  Can you imagine a 64yr. old man, with a heart problem and in a backless gown, about to go into a procedure he was scared of, telling a 38yr. old man to shush?  Yeah.  It was embarrassing even for me!  I couldn't believe how he was acting!!!  Now, normally I'm the loud mouth and would have said something.  But there was an undercurrent in the air that felt...... off.  For once, I just sat there with my mouth shut.  At one point Mom and I were talking about the internet and how people post things they shouldn't and get in trouble and my brother says, 'You posted everywhere that you were going out of town.'  I said no, I ONLY posted that on FB and those people are my FRIENDS.  I do not add people I do not know.  When I played the games, I blocked my updates from showing and it didn't even say where I lived or where I was from.  Anyways, I went on to say, and even if someone DID break in, they would be sorely disappointed because there is nothing of value except for an old plasma TV that is probably only worth maybe $300.  And he just snickered and said, 'I bet'.  WTH?  Exactly what does that mean?  I just looked at him and said what?  Most of our furniture is old and second hand (what can I say?I like old stuff mixed with new!), our laptops were with us and NEW were only $400.  We only have the one TV, no game systems or sound systems.  Not even a radio!  You see, we're somewhat simple and just never got any of that stuff.  He then pointed to my ring and was like yeah, I bet you don't have any nice jewelry or anything.  Um, well, no, not really!  You see, I'm one of those women who wanted and got a very nice wedding ring set.  After I got that, I haven't really wanted much else!  And what I do have, I wear quite a bit.  But here's the kicker.... I love costume jewelry. I have TONS that I got from my Aunt and Granny.  None of is worth much, but I love the stuff!  I put old pins on my hats and jackets.  I wear the big chunky jewelry as accent pieces.  And the necklaces, well, they're just fun!!!  But worth money?  No.  I don't even have a nice cell phone and rarely carry cash!  All of our money goes into remodeling our house, taking trips as a family, and bills -- not in that order.  LOL   So you see, they would be VERY unhappy if they came in here!

My point is, he sees me as someone who thinks they are better than him.  He sees me as being snotty.  He sees me as a competitor instead of a sibling.  He sees what I am not -- only what he THINKS.  And it doesn't help that we have different (and I do mean DIFFERENT) views on life.  So, I have got to find a way to accept that after my parents pass, the only family I will have is the one my husband and I have made.  I have no close cousins, my Aunt and Uncle are gone (on both sides), and my Grandparents are gone (on both sides).  So, when my parents pass, there will be no family left.  My brother's children feel no attachment to us.  We all tried to fight it and love them, but in the end, too many things got in the way and I don't think they ever really opened up.  And now they are on the other side of the country with a new life and it's like we don't exist anymore.  I am trying not to cry as I write this.  I already sorta feel like an orphan!  How sad is that?  I just have to find a way to let it go and be happy in what I DO have and not what will never be.

I have also come to the conclusion that this place will never be my home.  Another 'friend' let me down the other night over something SO simple.  And I just felt like it was another slap in the face.  At this point, I just want to go.  With the way things are, I know we have to stay and tie up loose ends, but we hope to move in the next year or so.  We are all just too miserable here for words.  And quite frankly, I'm done.  My helping/giving bank is CLOSED.  I just can't do anymore to be friendly, helpful, loving and kind.  I will continue to be as nice as I can, but I will just not go out of my way anymore to help everyone out.  I just can't.  I get that there are situations where you help KNOWING you will never get anything in return.  And sometimes, that's good and what is right.  But after all the time we've been here, I can't even get a ride to the airport, someone to help me with the kiddos for a day, or someone to take me to get a flat fixed.  Yet, who are the first people everyone asks for help when they don't know what to do, who to call, or where to go?  Us.  But I just can't keep helping people move, giving them money, and taking them out when they're fighting with their husbands.  I just can't keep being everyone's everything and get NO support in return.  I've been here 5yrs. and even today, if I had something major come up AGAIN where I needed help, support, or whatever, I would have NO ONE to call.  No one local anyways.  And that is SAD.  I texted a certain friend over the last month several times about returning my baby gates so that my very active and WALKING 10mo. old could be safe.  She made plans a couple of times and fell through. I texted again and said I REALLY need them now.  She said it wasn't a good time but to come the next day.  I headed her way the next day and she blew me off AGAIN!!!!  All she had to do was be there and open the door.  She wasn't!  And then tried to say how busy she was etc.  WHAT THE FUCK EVER!!!!!  This is the same person I let live with me when her boyfriend got violent with her while her 1.5yr. old was there and she was pregnant.  I let her live here FREE.  I fed her FREE.  I helped her get a new place.  Hell, I gave her money on more times than I can count!  The point is, how can I ever feel like this is 'home' if no one here even sees me?  I feel like I've faded away and to the people here, I don't matter unless they need or want something.  I just don't want to do this anymore.  UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!