9/25 Weigh-In

Today's official weigh-in is 195.5.  I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed.  I saw 194.5 yesterday, but then we went to the zoo and did a ton of walking.  I should've worn my pedometer, but I didn't.  Anyways, I figured I would be swollen a bit today from the walking since I was good on food.  I drank a lot of water, but I don't think it was enough to keep me from being swollen.  This seems to happen EVERY week.  I get a GREAT and positive number on Sat., and then come Sunday my number is back up because we did some activity on Sat.  I don' t know if I should consider it good or bad.  Right now, I'm feeling BAD!  Because I'm annoyed.  I'll get over it here in a bit and tell myself to move on since the scale is moving down; even if it's slow.  Even in my annoyance I know that some kind of loss is better than no loss or gaining and that losing slow is the best way.  But it's frustrating when I see a good loss like, 2lbs. on Sat. and then get up to a higher number come Sunday.  Makes this week seem as if I have only lost 0.5lbs. for the week.  UGH.

I have one week left for this month.  As of now, I've only lost 1.5lbs.  Unless I lose more this week, this is going to be a disappointing month.  And I probably won't have a good loss since I should be starting my cycle anytime now.  I really thought it would've started by now...  It's going to end up messing up my final week.  I know I shouldn't let the numbers get to me, but sometimes they just do.  I'm just not feeling very happy with these numbers today!!!  I never have been a fan of Math!  LOL  At least I made myself smile!  :D

One good thing that happened over the weekend (besides a fun family day together!) was that while being out yesterday, I realized that I made a goo decision in trying to lose weight no matter how frustrating it is.  I saw a LOT of heavier people out yesterday and it made me think that maybe we HAVE become more accustomed to being fat.  Maybe not in the way I originally read that one article, but in another way.  I think maybe subconsciously, we HAVE become use to it.  We've allowed ourselves to grow larger and larger and even though we don't WANT to be fat, we ARE.  And I'm not talking about those people who are 10 or even just 20lbs. over, but I saw women I knew who had to be pushing 3 to 5 times that amount.  Men, too.  Are we really oblivious to how large we are?  Is THAT why when we encounter a thin person who has maybe 5 or 10lbs. to lose we say, 'But you're so thin!'  Are we suffering from another type of body dysmorphia where we don't see ourselves as big as we are and we see a slightly overweight person as normal?

Anyways, the whole point is I saw these people and thought to myself, good for us for getting out and doing something healthy!  We even packed our own lunches, snacks, and water.  I DID eat one vanilla ice cream cone of soft serve, but that was it.  And it wasn't a huge one or anything.  I hope that is why the other families came out -- to do something fun, healthy, and not be sitting at home.  I am trying hard not to be judgmental of others now that I am traveling along on this journey.  I don't know them just as they don't know me, so maybe they are trying to lose weight, too.  Cause it's easy to be disgusted with yourself and with others when you become so aware of weight.  I don't think other people's weight really ever registered that much with me until I became so aware of mine.  It's much easier to have that negative self-talk once you become more aware.  I'm trying hard not to do that to myself because I caught my reflection a few times yesterday in mirrors, doors, etc. and it was hard not to say I look great, BUT... and you know where I'm going.  It's like I can't even appreciate where I AM because of how far I still need to go.  My personal goal is still more than 40lbs. away, but the 'ideal' is over 50.  But for right now, why can't I appreciate that I'm under 200?  That I'm 20lbs. away from my post-baby highest?  30lbs. from my all-time highest?  I hate these days where I feel negative.  I shouldn't feel this way at all!!!  I should be proud and ready to keep kicking butt!  BLEH!  Stupid weird negative feelings!  GO AWAY!  I want my normal, confident self back.  I hope this passes soon.

I know what this is.  This is partially PMS and partially the 'return to routine' blues.  I'm going to get through it, it's just annoying right now.  Maybe I just need a new hobby or something.  I think some downtime to myself would be good, too.  That's one thing I am missing right now is friendship and that kinship that comes from having a group of female friends.  I quit trying thinking that I was trying too hard, but so far not much has improved.  I just don't seem to have very much in common with the people around here.  Even the one sorta close friend here... well... I like her and all, but she's a tad strange!  But it's not her fault.  She's a great person who had a rough childhood, so making friends isn't easy for her.  She's not trusting of a lot of people.  She cat-called me the other day as she drove by -- I told her that meant we were real friends now!  LOL  She cracked up -- she DOES get my sense of humor!

Ok, now that I've droned on and on, I think I will get off of here and maybe give my Mom a call and then relax and read a book.  Not much else to do today since I did a lot of housework this last week AND I picked up some this AM while the coffee was brewing.  I kinda hope we can put up some Halloween stuff this afternoon when the hubby gets up, but we will see.  It's all sorted and ready to go, that's for sure!  We can only put up part of it, though, since the roofers will be coming out soon and we want to finish up some painting, etc.  I'm out for now ladies!