On It

Well, after my last post, I kept going, but I wasn't seeing much change.  And sadly, I'm still not seeing much change!  I'm really thinking I'm going to have to go back to my full on LD with L&G to start seeing some results.  Although, I AM being hard on myself.  I've been on it like GLUE the last five or six days, and realize that I probably wasn't being great before.  But now, I really do need to get it down.  I want to get this weight off, and I don't see getting that done without going back to what I was doing before.  I can maintain eating, I just can't seem to lose.  *sigh*  I'm just going to have to go back to what I was doing for MONTHS and just DO IT.  I NEED to see the 170's!  So, over the last five days, that's what I've been doing and it seems like it's working.  Although, I can't tell today because we did a butt ton of walking yesterday out in the heat and I seem to retain when we do that.  So, even though I weighed 187.5 yesterday and then 188 last night, this AM I weighed in at 189.5.  SO, that leads me to believe I am dehydrated and my body is retaining water.  Which is fine -- I'm going to try to get in 4 big 32oz. bottles today.  I usually only do 2 or 3.  Going for 4 is a big push, but I need to do it.

UGH.  I'm just feeling so frustrated in so many areas of my life and I know that's why I'm not making the progress I would like anywhere.  My house is still a shambles from all the work, all my friends are going through really hard times and are unable to be of any kind of support, I'm dealing with some major family issues and some minor financial issues.  I just feel like I'm drowning.  And the thing is, I have no one to help me.  I have no one to really lean on other than my husband, and really, I don't want to dump everything on him all of the time.  So, I'm carrying the load along and just hoping my back doesn't break.  All the while, I'm trying really hard to stick to my plan and move forward.  I'm basically putting all of my faith in God's ability to take care of it all by pushing me where I need to be.  I don't know what else to do.

So, the one area I have control is food and exercise and it's what I've got to do.  I really want to break through my low of 184, but I've been sitting here between 185 and 190 and as high as like, 192 for weeks now.  I just want to keep going and not struggle with everything every day.  But I sabotage myself and allow myself to have things I normally wouldn't.  That's why this last week, I've been really trying to buckle down.  I did have breakfast today, but I am having a shake now and I will have another before dinner and then instead of any food tonight, I will have a shake for my 'dessert'.  I need to get back into that habit.  I did that before and ended up changing that over, but I think that was my mistake.  I need that last shake to keep my metabolism going strong.  Breakfast is okay or a snack with food, but I need to do mostly shakes to keep my carb count low enough to lose (and my cals) and then the L&G at dinner.  And that's what I'm doing.  Although, some days it's not shake, shake, snack, shake, dinner, shake.  Mostly because it can be difficult when the hubbs is home.  But in order to lose, I've got to get over that and push through.

I'm sorry if I sound so down, repetitive, or rambley.  My brain is just mush today and I have no idea how to coordinate my thoughts anymore.  I really should get up from here and knock out a project or two and that would probably help my frame of mind more than anything.  Mostly cause with the house being a wreck, it feels like everything else is a wreck as well.  Which, ironically, is true.  I just don't know where to begin.  I should probably finish the SECOND coat of paint on the ceiling downstairs, straighten up the bedrooms, and then by the time that was done, it would be time to start dinner.  UGH.  Just finding the motivation to do those things is hard.  I also need to balance the checkbook.  FUN.  I'm just so out of whack -- I need a real down day so I can feel normal again!  Only problem is, not sure when I'll get one of those again.