Still

Still at 207.5 this AM.  Starting to think I don't want to weigh again until my next weigh-in which is next Sunday.  For this week, I am up 3.0lbs.  URGH.  That's up 4.5 from my lowest.  :(  I sure hope this is bloat.  I really don't think I could've gained that much from the tiny bit of rice I had in my sushi.  I looked it up and the amount of rice I had (maybe 1/4c) was less than 9g. of carbs.  So, I really don't think it's that.  And when I added all the numbers up, I still should've been pretty good and not that far over if any.  I really do think it is bloat and that eventually it will pass.  I won't lie -- I am a bit disappointed not to see the scale go down.  I had really hoped to get down to about 202 in hopes that by next week, I would be under 200.

I don't think I am going to make my goal.  :(  I only have about 71/2 weeks left and even if I lost 2lbs. per week, I wouldn't make it.  That would only be 15lbs. which would put me short 5lbs.  That is IF my weight goes back down to the 203 after my cycle.  I am definitely not giving up, but I just don't think I will have made my goal to be at my lowest of 183 by the oldest's b-day.  It makes me kind of sad to know that I won't have made it and I feel somewhat frustrated.  That 10 day stall greatly slowed me down and then now I've gained a whopper amount of weight and I'm not sure what it could be other than monthly bloat  I just hope it passes and I go back down.  If not, that's even MORE on top of what I already needed to go.  :(

But I am going to try to stay positive and not let this get me down.  I tend to let things get to me more when my cycle is here, so this will be a feat.  Not to mention, the hubbs goes back on nights tonight, so I will be single parenting it over the next few days.  JOY.  NOT.  So, the next few days will probably feel long and tiring so I am hoping to find things to do.  I have lots of things that NEED to get done, but I also need time to spend with the kiddos so they aren't driving me crazy.  And I'm sure I won't get much sleep.  #1, I don't sleep well when he's on nights and #2, the kiddos don't let me sleep too much at night.

I never realized how much sleep affects our bodies.  I am starting to really think that sleep may be one of the reasons why the weight is taking so long this time.  When I lost 40lbs. before, the oldest was old enough that he didn't get up at night, and the hubby's job didn't bother me so much because of that.  So, I was getting plenty of sleep and felt fine.  Now, I have a young baby who never seems to sleep and I feel tired all of the time.  I don't know how older Mom's do it!  I'm 31 and couldn't imagine having my first child at say 40.  I'm worn out now!  And the lack of sleep is much harder on me now than it was just a few years ago.  It really makes me wonder if it could be affecting my weight loss enough that I would be this slow.  Looking back, the weeks where I do the best is when I happen to get decent sleep.  That hasn't been happening in the last week so I just wonder if it is contributing.

Well, not much I can do to see other than attempt to get more sleep.  I don't know how, though, until my younger starts sleeping through the night without waking up 100 times.  He only got up once last night, BUT he kept crying out and whimpering just enough that I would wake up to check him.  But by the time I could drag myself out of bed and get to his room, he'd be peacefully sleeping.  And even if I didn't get up and just listened for a minute, that's a minute my brain woke up.  And I don't know why, but it matters.  I guess for now all I can do is do the best I can and attempt to lose as much as my body will let me in hopes that eventually the baby will sleep and I will be able to lose more.  I am just afraid it isn't going to happen and I'm going to be dragging this weight around for another year or more.  :(