Day 3 and final

Today is the 3rd day that I have so far had no issues.  And it's almost 1 o'clock!  Sadly, it has to be something in the salad.  I really think it's the wash and I just happen to be sensitive to it.  I am going to try having a salad at dinner, but I am sure going to wash the heck out of it!  If I still get an upset tummy, then I'll know it's some sort of allergy/sensitivity to greens.  But boy will that suck.  I can't even fathom the suckiness of that.  How ironic would it be for someone who actually LOVES salads to be allergic???  I call B freakin' S!!!!  But I am hoping that by washing the salad, I will feel ok.  Heck, I may just throw that bag out and buy a head of romaine while I'm out.  The thought of the pre-bagged makes me feel icky now!  But I really hate to be wasteful.  UGH.

Tomorrow is my surprise for the hubbs.  I really hope I can pull this off!  I need to run around a bit this afternoon after he heads off to work.  Hopefully the kiddos will cooperate!  Not going to do anything crazy -- just get a couple of DVD's he's been wanting, make his German chocolate cake, and a nice card.  I even thought about going shopping for him, but it's hard to with the kiddies.  I'll be doing good to get the DVD's and the cake!  LOL  I am thinking of just going to Target to get it all because they should have the movies, cards, and our Target has grocery.  Easier than trying to make two or three stops.  And I am debating on whether or not I should hand make the German Chocolate or buy the pre-made.  In the end, they're the same thing!  LOL  I mean, home made from scratch is always good, but really cake is cake and since I don't recall ever making the 'icing' for German Chocolate cake, not sure if I can find a good recipe to make it.  OH Crap.  The baby has gotten up early!!!!  Like, over an HOUR early!!!!  Please go back to sleep!!!  DADGUM!  I'm going to have to finish this later.  :(

Ok, I'm back.  The hubby is up and has the kiddos, but I am not going to have long because he will need to leave for work here in half an hour.  So, I may have to fly through this and I hope I don't forget anything.  That, or I will have to finish it tonight after I get them all in bed.  Well, if it's not too late.  They were in early last night, but I think that might've been a fluke!  LOL

Got a phone call this evening from the bride of the wedding I am in come August.  And she says that due to one of the other bridesmaids getting preggo, she is having to make some changes to the dresses and wants us all to meet tomorrow at David's Bridal.  Then she says we need to all order our dresses or we won't get the discount.  Crap.  Hadn't really planned on buying mine until June.  And then she says that instead of us getting to pick the dress we want, now that all 4 dresses have to be ordered that she would rather us match.  Ok......   So, tomorrow will be a busy day.  I have that at noon, then my nails, and then I need to try to find some shorts.  We are thinking of going on vacation to Disney this year in just a couple of weeks and I realized that I have NO shorts that are my current size.  Which would be like, 16 I am thinking or 14W.  I'm not even sure where to look, but I know I don't want to spend a ton so I am thinking of hitting Ross, Marshalls, and then JCPenney and Kohls as a last resort.  I am only going to buy two pairs.  I think I have 8 pairs of 14's!  I may try those on just to see where I'm at, but I don't think any of them will fit.  Hmmm... thinking I may cancel my nails since tomorrow is Sunday and the store hours are already going to be limited.  Yup.  Going to cancel for now.  Ohhh... and don't think I'll do salad tonight just in case.  So, guess the title is no longer accurate!  LOL

Did Pilates last night, but only my lower body.  I tried to do the Ab Scissors, but I couldn't.  I'm either horribly out of shape in that area, or I was doing them wrong.  I tried several times and couldn't.  So, I ended up only doing one ab exercise.  I think I did 50 of those, but I lost count!  You do increments of 10 to 20 and I am pretty sure I did 5, 10 rep increments.  Blast it, but I couldn't remember how to do the other ab ones or even the arm ones!  I'm going to look those up and have them ready for tonight.  I didn't even do the exercises from before.  My memory is lapsing!  LOL

I am thinking of doing intermittent fasting along with the lowered carbs and carb cycling.  My natural rhythm is to not eat breakfast.  But for years, I've tried to force it and I am thinking now that instead of doing that, I am going to wait and eat when I am ready.  Many days, that's not until lunch time.  I guess I would be doing somewhat intuitive eating, too, then!  LOL  Boy am I mixing up a lot.  Anyways, I just feel like here lately I need to not 'force' down breakfast.  If I'm not feeling hungry, I don't know why I should eat.  For years, I've heard, well, you'll mess up your metabolism!  But new studies are showing that may not be true.  Especially if it isn't something that comes 'natural' to you.  So, I am thinking of not eating past a certain time at night and then not eating breakfast until I actually feel hungry.  And when I do, I will eat a breakfast that satisfies without stuffing.  Like some eggs with veggies and cheese and then fresh fruit or maybe bacon.  In other words, I'll stick to low carb.  That way, I'm listening to my body, eating what is good for it since I know carbs and I don't do well, and I'm not starving.  Turns out, the process of 'starvation' can take MONTHS.  The term really is overused in today's society.  I still want to do more research, but this feels right and I figure if I am following the natural path of my body, it may kick me back into a path of great weight loss.

I think that over the years (as I am 31 now) I have slowly but surely been getting to the place where I feel like instead of following what 'diet' or 'plan' people say we SHOULD follow, I'm now trying to LISTEN to what my body is trying to say.  So far, it's told me that too low carb isn't realistic long term.  Too high carb makes me ill, makes me fat, makes me MEAN.  That having a 'cheat' day now and then (as in carb cycling) helps me stay balanced.  And now I feel like it is telling me to let it follow it's own path.  I'm not going to lie, this trip has been HARD!  And the lessons slowly learned.  But I feel like I am finally getting to where I need to be and finding what works for my body.  I think for a long time, I was listening to whatever fad was going on or what worked for other people and not just paying attention to what was working for me.  But now, now I am starting to feel like I have found what will work for me for the rest of my life.  I don't know if these other tweaks will fit, but the only way to know if it is right for me is to try it and see how I feel.  I'm not necessarily going to follow the scale for this -- more about how I FEEL.  Doesn't matter if you lose if you feel like crap.  LOL  So, I am hoping that more than anything I will feel great and I will see some loss because I am feeling so good.

Now, I know the term 'fasting' sounds scary.  But really, it isn't.  I'm not going to go like, days without eating!  I am just not going to get up in the morning and force myself to get an egg down if I just would rather sit and sip my coffee.  I realize that won't be a true 'fast', but it's what works for me the best.  I actually fasted today without trying.  Got up at 8:30 with the boys and then I got in here, moved a few things, and vacuumed the floor (the dogs brought in mud last night after bedtime!  URGH!).  Then I got both of them set up with cereal and milk (both take cereal in a bowl with milk in a cup) and the TV set up.  After that, I decided to start my coffee.  So, I did that and while that was brewing, I finished cleaning off the island, put up all the clean dishes, reloaded the dishwasher and wiped down the cabinets.  Youngest started fussing so I put him in his chair with the rest of his cereal and some banana.  Did a couple more things and then decided that I wanted to go ahead and get dressed.  So, washed my face, got dressed and did my hair.  Then cleaned up youngest.  By that point, he was ready for a nap.  So, got him laid down and the oldest went to play.  When all was said and done, it was noon before I even had a CHANCE to eat.  I was hungry, but not starving.  And I'd had plenty of energy.  AND, I knew exactly what I wanted:  Greek yogurt, raspberries, pecans, and a drizzle of SF syrup.  YUM.  I had that and two cups of coffee.  I didn't get hungry again until 3.  I decided to have what I wanted which was a bacon, egg and cheese sandwich.  I try not to each much bread even though it is LC, but that sounded good so that is what I had.  Along with pickles and mayo!  LOL  So, you see, even when I'm not TRYING I end up fasting!  LOL  But I did have a root beer float late last night for a treat.  Breyer's LC ice cream is SO good!  And I keep a few Diet Root Beers laying around for when I feel like something cold and crisp like that.  So, I think I only went 12hrs. and most of that was spent sleeping.  LOL  So, I don't mean 'fast' as in going days.  I only mean that I am no longer going to force my body to eat if it isn't actually hungry.  I am going to feed it when it asks and not try to follow 'conventional' eating plans.

Well, was this a whopper of a post or WHAT???  I guess I should bring this to an end now and get to doing something besides typing.  LOL  I did get my floors nice and clean!  I LOVE my steamer!  My Mom claims it's too streaky, but the stuff I read online said it would do that until all the old chemical cleaners were removed.  Since this is only the second time I've gotten to use it, I'd say it will be at least two more times before the streaking stops.  But I LOVE cleaning with STEAM!  I even got to run it over my rug in the LR and it looked like new and smelled SO much better.  :D  Anyways, seriously take care and talk to you chickies later!

P.S.  I am VERY nervous about weigh-in tomorrow.  I seriously hope to have lost SOMETHING!!!  Honestly, I am praying to be under 200!

Day 2..

Last night I had two of the new 'Premium' Oscar Meyer hot dogs -- they tout no nitrates or nitrites which basically means they have no preservatives.  All I gotta say is YUM.  I've always liked hot dogs, but these are like, AWESOME.  Pretty good on cals and fat and even low on carbs.  Not something you want to eat ALL THE TIME, but good for something different.  I had those with some buttered brussel sprouts with coarse pepper.  I don't know what has happened to me, but since I had my oldest, I can't get enough pepper!  My husband says it's how he knew we were pregnant -- I put a ton of pepper on my salad when I normally never ate it!  LOL  And since then, well, I like it on almost everything!  Back to my point -- no salad again.  And this AM, I've had two cups of coffee with no issues.  *sigh*  The signs aren't looking good for my 'easy' salads.  So, tonight is going to be some sort of chicken.  I had wanted to have some baked pork chops with my leftover veggies from the last two nights plus a few tomatoes thrown in for extra flavor/color.  I hate wasting food!  And really, it's fun throwing a bunch of stuff in a pan and seeing what happens!  However, I am out of pork chops or just can't find them in the deep freezer.  I really need to get the dry board list updated for the freezer so I know what I have!

Last night, I stayed up a bit later than I had intended.  I was SO tired!  But after starting to read on how they 'clean' pre-washed salad, I've decided I will buy my own salad greens and clean them myself.  Turns out, they wash tons (literally) of salad greens in regular ol' chlorinated water.  Big vats of it.  And many times, the water is dirty and contains contaminants after washing so many tons of greens.  Then after, they sometimes use 'fruit wax' to make the greens 'look' good.  For real?  NO THANKS.  I'll buy fresh whole greens either in store or at the Farmer's Market.  I sure hope I can make it to the Farmer's Market tomorrow morning!  Love the fresh stuff and the prices!  :D  I'd rather take 15mins. or so to clean the greens, cut and bag them myself, than to eat 'dirt'.  YUCK.  And who knows what's in that dirt -- I have a feeling THAT is what is making me sick!!!  So, going to have one more night of no salads and then have a salad that I prepared and see what happens.  If I don't get sick, we'll know it's the process of cleaning the greens.  If I do, then it very well may be an allergy to salad.  But if I am allergic to salad, that is majorly messed up.  MAJORLY.  I guess if that turns out that I am allergic to them.  I will have to go through the process of finding some sort of leaf that I am NOT allergic to.  Please let it be the wash!  I am still contemplating food allergy testing.  I mean, what could it hurt?

Also wanted to mention that my husband said that after eating the salad for dinner last night, he had to poop... a LOT.  I'm sorry to give TMI, but I thought it was worth mentioning that he had the same reaction.  Twice.  He decided not to take it tonight.  I told him that I was going to wash it tonight and re-bag it in our bag.  He also said that it wasn't painful and crampy like mine -- but each person's system is completely different.  So, it may just be aggravating to him for a bit, but it makes me downright miserable.  He agreed with buying the whole thing and just taking the time to wash it up.  I am also going to buy a new colander, a new salad spinner (I have the OLD one!), and a salad knife.  I've always heard that it's better to use either a ceramic knife or a plastic.  I guess I should do some research on that, too!

Still didn't weigh this AM.  Shocked?  LOL  I am!  I wanted to again this AM.  Mostly because I got some sleep and I am feeling perky!  HA!  I am also feeling pretty good -- as in not all bloaty and gross and exhausted.  I am already making plans for this weekend and trying to decide if I want to do a high day soon or not.  I KNOW I am going to be exposed to yummy goodness Sunday AM -- you see, today is the hubb's b-day and I am surprising him when he comes off of night shift Sunday morning with his very own German chocolate birthday cake!  I plan on having it ready for him as soon as he walks through the door.  Candles and all!  I had wanted to get him a gift, but not sure what to get him.  I sorta got everything I could think of for Christmas, so now I am at a loss.  I had thought about getting a sitter for Monday and sneaking him up to the Outlets to go shopping.  He needs some new clothes, so I was thinking he might like to go somewhere that had lots of options for him.  See, he's into clothes and looking good as much as a girl!  Don't get me wrong, the hubbs can get dirty when he's working, but otherwise he wants to look nice.  I think I mentioned before how into clothes and looking nice he is!  LOL

OH.  I had a funny thing happen yesterday.  Not funny ha ha, but funny weird.  I was thinking back to when I had felt the best and looked the best and that was the summer before I got married.  And all I did was occasional walking and 'toning' exercises.  Turns out I stumbled across some Pilates videos when I was looking for a video of how to do 'scissors'.  Another poster on here is doing them and seems to be getting good results so I was curious as to what they were.  I have a pooch from having two babies, so anything that will help is GOOD!  Anyways... All that time, when I had GREAT results, I was doing Pilates!  :O  So, I have decided to make it a point to do that more.  I am hoping now that we've gotten some work done, the storms have passed, and other issues are clear that I can get back to walking and my Pilates.  FUN FUN!!!  I really do look forward to it!  I mean, I really did look good then and I was probably in the 150's wearing a size 10... maybe an 8.  I HAVE been getting exercise, but not the concentrated kind I like to try to figure in.  And a week without planned exercise just sucks.  LOL  Especially for my mileage!  Not that I am getting anything major.

That's the other thing.  I have decided that my goal weight is going to be 153.  I know I know... I said I wouldn't pick one until I hit the first goal of 183.  But I feel I need a longer term goal that I can shoot for and look forward to in the long haul.  And I just think a low of 153 is where it's at.  I figure that gives me a good 7lb. range up and then if I go lower by say 8lbs., that's fine, too.  So, I am going to update my ticker.  Just really hoping to see a good number come Sunday!  Although, some part of me wonders if I should go lower.  Mostly because from some of the blogs/forums I read many of the posters are in the 150's and talk about being fat all the time.  I know the 150's isn't fat for ME simply because of my height and build.  But still, kinda chaps my ass a bit, if ya know what I mean!  But I keep trying to tell myself to get over it and shut up!  Each person has a goal weight that works for THEM and for THEM they honestly DO feel fat.  But sometimes, my stupid brain has to say that about a hundred times to get the point that each person has to figure out not only what lifestyle works for them, but what size works and is maintainable.  I've never long term (even at my thinnest) been less than 150.  My smallest was 136 and I really, Really, REALLY had to work hours on end to get there.  And you know what?  I want to enjoy life and not live to be thin.  20lbs. over what a Dr. might consider my ideal is fine for me.  And who knows?  If I go lower, I go lower.  But I am NOT going to stress.  Just not worth it to me.  Not to mention, I don't want that to be what my kids see.  I want to be healthy and happy and not always stressing over weight.

OK, well, I guess I've covered the gambit today!  I need to get up from here and attempt to get something done even though I said that I was going to take it easy.  I can't really do laundry or clean the garage with younger up.  Nor can I do the Rec room and guest room downstairs.  So, I guess I should do as much up here as I can.  I sorta don't want to, but I sorta need to.  Wish I felt more motivated!  I think the exhaustion still isn't gone even though I got more sleep.  LOL  Maybe I can do a few things and then do the rest tomorrow.  I want to have enough energy to do a workout tonight.  Maybe I will feel better once I get up and get moving.  Although, I really should balance my checkbook and finish my budget before anything else.  Guess I'll do that then get up and get going!  Have a great day, chickies!

Correction

I said in my last post that the salad I had bought was Fresh Express -- that's not the name!  That's actually the salad I use to get that I loved.  What I get now is Fresh Selection -- I believe it's Kroger's brand.  Going to do some research on how those suckers are washed!  But first, I must hit the hay!  G'night!

Day 1 and we survived.

So, today is day one of eliminating foods.  Actually, I guess yesterday was.  Instead of having my usual salad at dinner, I had roasted zucchini with some mushrooms and onions drizzled with sunflower oil and then a sprinkle of kosher salt, coarse pepper, and a bit of garlic.  YUM.  Right now, I am sitting here drinking a cup of coffee and so far, not a single pain.  I am going to not have salad again tonight and see how tomorrow goes.  I am thinking I don't need to go too many days because my reactions are pretty quick.  Oh!  And for Sue, yes I do the acidophilus, too!  That stuff is like a miracle in a capsule!  LOL  I've been taking acidophilus for a few years now, but so far, no change in this mess.  URGH.  So, I am going to go with the process of elimination and still possibly do food allergy testing as suggested by Pickles.

I just don't get why it has to be salad!!!  I am REALLY hoping that it is the brand.  This is pre-packaged salad so that we can make quick meals.  Nothing fancy, just Italian blend which is mostly romaine.  And I don't recall having this issue except for with this brand which is Fresh Express.  I use to get another brand, but the store I shop at most quit carrying it.  So, I'm wondering if its something in the wash they use.  I know at home to wash my other fruits and veg (salad is the only thing I buy pre-cut) I use a solution of vinegar and water mixed in a spray bottle.  I spray the different fruits and veg with the spray and let them stand for however long and then rinse and use.  The food has tasted SO much better since I started doing this!  But salad is the one thing I buy pre-cut and pre-washed.  It makes me wonder if this brand uses a funky solution to wash their lettuce.  I use to think I was allergic to iceburg lettuce, but I am starting to wonder if that, too was because of what they washed the lettuce in.  If that is the case, I'd rather go back to prepping my own lettuces and not have this issue.  I guess we will see over the next couple of days what happens without the salad.  Then I will have the salad I have and see what happens.  If I have issues, then I will eliminate it for a few days again.  Then I will try buying romaine heads and prepping them myself and seeing how that goes.  Pre-packaged isn't very 'convenient' if it's making me sick!!!

On another note, we survived last night!  The hubbs had to work, so it was just me and the boys.  But I tell you, that was one of the most terrifying nights of my life.  We ended up hiding out in our basement during the worst of the storms and waiting for the tornadoes to pass.  One came down close to us, but didn't actually hit us.  But the yard is a mess.  Thankfully we live on an incline and the way the storm came in was to the back of our house.  We have a large bank of trees there clumped together, so we were somewhat buffered.  Our gutters are ripped off and I haven't had the chance to check the back half of the roof, yet.  BUT, my SUV is beat half to death from the golf ball sized hail.  :(  Unfortunately, I will just have to live with it.  I will replace the visors that go over the windows that shattered, but the dents will just have to stay.  I'm not willing to up my insurance for that and not only that, but it's paid off so I'm not willing to take on a car payment right now.  When all is said and done, I'm just thankful it wasn't worse and that we are all safe.  It was for sure a rough night.  I am too tired for words today!  LOL

Let's see... anything else?  I really can't think of anything else to cover.  Maybe it's due to lack of sleep and the fact that my littlest is whining non-stop.  I think he didn't get enough sleep.  We were all up late and then by the time I laid him down, the power was still off so every little noise woke him up.  I didn't get into bed until around 2AM and then I was up again at 5:30 and then for the day a little after 8.  So, around 4hrs. of sleep.  UGH.  NOT GOOD.  At least I haven't caved in and weighed myself!!!  I have no desire to today.  Nothing like yesterday where I was feeling all good and wanted to.  LOL  I still feel pretty good, but I just don't want to.  I am somewhat terrified I won't have a good result come Sunday.  Then it's like, if I don't, I don't have any idea what to do other than stick it out and maybe go to monthly weigh-ins?  And hope that the numbers move in a month?  Especially since one month is only two cycles for me.  I read one guy's blog who's cycle is a whole month!  That's a LONG cycle!  But he does 2 weeks low, and then he has a cheat day where he has whatever, then he goes back and then high again.  Then the process starts all over.  I guess that's really closer to 2 weeks than a month!  But whatever works for him -- he's lost 75lbs.!!!

Ok, well, going to get off of here for now.  Not that I have anything pressing to do.  I am just tired and need to get on with trying to get awake.  Almost done with my first cup 'o joe and still no stomach cramps!  Yay!  Really hoping it isn't coffee but will be super bummed if it is salad.  Really hope it's just that brand....

But I wanna!

Ohhh... I SO wanna weigh!  I do I do I do!  Especially today.  I got up feeling so good and so skinny!  My sides have gone WAY down.  I use to have this roll over the top of my underwear that just bulged out.  It's gone!  And the crease that use to be on my back that was so deep it actually touched is smoothing out, too!  So, something is going on!  And I want to get on the scale!!!!  But I'm not gonna.  I refuse to do it!  I made myself get out here and drink some water to keep me off of it.  LOL

The only bad thing is, I have a sore stomach today.  I'm not sure what I ate, but man am I not feeling great.  I finally made a yogurt based smoothie and that seems to be helping.  I've had this for a couple of years now off and on.  I thought it was an ulcer or IBS or even Crohn's, but it's so random.  I've even thought it was caffeine and tried to cut that out with no change.  So, I'm not sure WHAT it is.  Although, one thing I've sorta seen recently is that it seems to happen the mornings after I have salad.  I'm wondering if it's the salad.  But I'm not sure.  It's just too random.  I wish I had thought to mark my food journal so I could go back and check it.  I just wish I could figure it out and stop having these episodes where my stomach feels like it's burning and I can't stop going to the bathroom!  URGH.

Other than that, things are moving right along.  I am TRYING to take today off, but things keep getting added to my 'To Do' list.  Some of it I know I can put off, but some of it really needs to be done.  Like bills, dishes, and cleaning downstairs.  That's only because the cat box is down there and she is making a HUGE mess!  I can't wait to move her box out to the garage.  She sure is messy!  Why does she have to throw litter EVERYWHERE and make such a huge ordeal out of it?  I just wish that the rest of the house didn't bug me so much.  But it DOES.  And right now, the kitchen is a wreck....AGAIN.  I got it cleaned up for one day and then BAM.  Dirty dishes everywhere!  Believe it or not, I think it all stems from the fact that when I cleaned up from the weekend, I washed everything but maybe two pans.  And those two pans somehow multiplied!  LOL  I should've just sucked it up and washed them because now the two of them plus the other dishes makes it look like there is a ton to be done.  I'll get to it later when I am feeling more up to par.

Not much else to write about.  I had a ton of ideas yesterday, but today they have just floated out of my mind and I can't think of them.  Probably because my 'To Do' list is taking up most of my brain.  And really, the other part of my brain just wants to be lazy.  LOL  So, that is all for now.  Hope all you chickies are having a good day!

Exhaustion... but not yet!

Aargh!  I feel like if I were to sit still for very long and not do anything, that exhaustion would set in!  LOL  For anyone that cares, we got the mess cleaned up, the holes from the insulation plugged, AND the house wrap up.  I also mowed the front yard and did all the trimming.  Then I came in and did a bunch of cleaning.  Between family being here, working on the house, and just the regular day to day stuff, the house was TRASHED.  I cleaned the dining room, kitchen, and bathroom.  And the kitchen was a pretty intense cleaning.  Some insulation had blown in through a hole we had forgotten about.  Thankfully it's green fiber so it was just paper dust, but still.  So, cleaned all that, washed up the dishes, put stuff away and even cleaned out the fridge.  You'd think after all that I would take today off!  But I can't -- I need to take my oldest to swim and then I have to go to the grocery store.  OY.  I hope I make it through today without dropping!

Now, on to the good stuff!  Even with doing all that stuff, I stayed on plan.  :D  I've been doing LC for so long, I know what I can eat to stay pretty low.  I have decided for right now not to track everything so much, so I am letting the food journal go.  If I know I will be going out or eating something more than normal, I am going to write it down, though.  At home, I know most of the time my meals are around 5g of carbs and that's from veggies and some fruit and occasionally some dairy.  And right now, I feel good with that.  Heck, I overall feel good!  I am hoping some of my annoyance and aggravation was from hormones.  Gotta love hormones!  LOL  Because I am feeling much calmer and in a better place today.  PMS always makes me crazy.  It's true.  It does!  It's been much better over the last few years since I've been watching sugar and processed foods, but I still get a bit looney and emotional.

I am just going to keep sticking it out and I think that maybe carb cycling will work better for me.  Although, if I am honest with myself, I guess that may have been what I was doing years ago because staying 100% low carb all the time wasn't feasible.  I sometimes had 'cheat' days, but they were always a part of my plan to keep me sane.  So, I guess I was carb cycling then and just didn't know the name.  But I feel for me it is something more permanent.  I will never be a full time carb eater again.  I know my body doesn't process them well and with the PCOS, it never will.  But I do like the option to once in a while have something that I normally wouldn't touch like a piece of cake at a birthday party.  Otherwise, I want to have a normal balanced diet of healthy whole foods and not just a crash diet.  Which is why I think some people fail on low carb.  They never learn how to incorporate the foods back in.  And if you've ever read Atkins, that's a must.  You have to learn your limits, and learn to re-incorporate all foods in moderation.  Even junk food!  LOL  Every now and then a bit of junk food is ok once you've hit maintenance.  It just can't be all the time.  And let's face it, we've become a society of junk food.

This touches on what incontrol2day just posted that everywhere you look, there are these 'get skinny quick' things and people tend to get sucked into those.  And she's right -- it IS everywhere!  And people ARE suckered into it.  And I get it -- people get so tired of fighting themselves and so tired of feeling like crap that they put their faith into a pill or laser surgery or some other gimmick.  And all it takes is stepping away from the junk food and getting off of our butts.  And I'm not saying it's not hard -- I'm struggling with my weight daily.  I'm fighting to get this off.  But I know that no pill, herb, surgery, or any of it will get this off of me.  I have to eat healthy, whole foods and stay away from the processed crap.  But for those out there who fall for these gimmicks, I truly do feel bad.  They just want some kind of change and not have to feel like they are giving up everything.  But like incontrol2day said, what does a quick fix actually DO if you lose all the weight but never learned anything along the way?

This got me to thinking about myself.  I may be struggling and I may be losing slowly, but I am LEARNING.  Even if I am not always getting an 'A', I am basically working my way through my own weight-loss class!  And even if it's going slow, it's going!  And it's better than being at what was my highest weight.  Which is why I am going to try to be more positive.  The food journal and the weighing all the time was driving me somewhat crazy and I was too focused on that.  I pretty well know what I should be eating and I know what I should be doing.  So instead of obsessing on it and tracking every little detail, I am just going to DO it and stop frying my brain out!  I know that tracking can be a great tool, and I know that I will probably do it off and on just to make sure I am staying on course, but I am not going to go crazy over every little number.  And starting it off was the carb cycling and not weighing until next Sunday.  I'm not sure what this will bring, but I am hoping good things.  :D

Well, it's after 11 where I am and I need to get up off of here and get going.  I've already done some stuff this AM but I need to do a few more things and then get going on swim and groceries.  Later chickies and hope you enjoyed the shout out Incontrol!  :D

Oh so very tired... and yummy steak!

First, Happy Easter to those that celebrate!

Wow.  It has been a BUSY weekend so far and today is our small family celebration.  The 'rents were up yesterday and the day before, but we were so busy working on the house that we didn't get to do much.  Which isn't a big deal... We don't do a LOT for Easter.  It's just always been more about being together than doing a huge party or anything.  I do miss the days of going to my Granny's house to have a big dinner and visit, though.  I really should've done a dinner this year.  I just have SO much going on that I didn't think to.  URGH.  Maybe next year we will have our crap together.  LOL

I am very tired today.  All the work we've gotten done in the last two days has WORN ME OUT!  And we have a bit to do today, but not much.  We just want to get the house wrap up and do some clean-up so that the yard and driveway aren't such a mess and hazard.  Just in case you're curious, we ripped off an old nasty deck that was about 900sq. ft at one time.  We only had about 100-200 to take off now because the rest had been reduced and removed last year.  So, we took that off and then ripped off the old masonite siding off of the back of the house.  The front and sides had been done last year.  We then took out an old sliding door and discovered major water damage -- some structural.  All that has been repaired and we have framed in two windows instead of the door since it was in our bedroom.  Not a fan of outside doors in bedrooms!  LOL  THEN, we blew in green fiber insulation since there was only alumi-foil in the walls.  So, today is just about house wrap and clean up.  The siding will have to go up the next time the hubbs has some time off.  We also have to order the windows now that the rough framework is in.  I cannot WAIT to be done with this house!

See what I mean by busy weekend?  I am REALLY glad with all of that going on I had made the decision to go to carb cycling.  I had 3 or 4 days of moderate carbs, then a 24hr. period of high and then last night went back to low.  Still on low this AM.  But I tell you, I needed those carbs with all the work we did!  I think I would've been hurting without them.  We worked ALL day for two days.  I just don't think I could've done it!  I haven't weighed, though.  I decided to take some of your advice and step away from the scale for a bit.  I think it's the only way I can stop stressing and give this cycling a fair shot.  And hopefully break my horrid stall.  I think that if I stress over the numbers too much, I will just make everything backfire.  I really do hope this kick-starts something for me.  I know I feel a bit more relaxed already because I ate a couple of days of moderate carbs and then I let myself have a couple of things I had been wanting really bad for my 24hrs. of carbs.  Like, pizza.  Granted, it was thin crust and was grilled chicken, but still!  It's my fave.  :D  But before, I was in such a mindset that I was like I'm not going to eat that for a LONG time.  Now I feel like I can kinda relax and say, eh, we'll have that in a week or so whenever I decide to cycle.  It really is sorta nice!

But when to weigh is the real question?  My cycle FINALLY started and I'm not sure why it was a week late.  I've been pretty regular since I had my second child.  That could have something to do with my weight stalling out, too.  So, not only have I just got the carb cycling going, but I have my cycle, too.  Another reason not to weigh, yet.  LOL  But I need to weigh pretty regularly to see if anything is going on.  Maybe I am over-thinking it?  OK, let's just say for now that I will weigh myself next Sunday.  If I weigh before then, I will make a note of it but not focus on it or count it.  Just the Sunday weigh-in.  But I am going to try really hard not to weigh until Sunday.  On that note, I made an adjustment to my weigh-in page.  I think I've been subtracting wrong.  I was doing it from the first weigh-in of the month to the last week instead of going from the first week to the first week for my monthly subtraction.  I think doing it the the way I was, I was only actually calculating for 3 weeks at times.  So, I am doing from the first weigh-in of the month to the first weigh in of the next month for my monthly totals.  UGH.  Hope I'm not messing everything up by changing it now!

YUMMY!  My steak this AM was so good!  I had steak and salad for dinner last night and leftover steak for breakfast with eggs.  Yessir, YUM.  Overall, feeling pretty good and ready to get going now that my belly is full.  One thing I wanted to mention, though is that sometimes people really irk me and flat out piss me off.  A member of my hubby's family made a snippy remark to a young female member of the family so I shot one right back at him.  And basically because he had no retort, he made a comment about my weight.  I brushed it off (to him) and just was like, that's right I'm bigger than you and I can throw you around like a rag doll!  HA!  So much for you thinking you can make a fat comment and hurt me you dillhole.  He did hurt me, but he's not going to get the joy of knowing it.  I just HATE when people don't have a valid argument or can't think quick enough on their feet they resort to the fat comments.  Glad to know that's all you can think of -- you're one smart cookie.  NOT.

Ok, going to get off of here now and get some things done.  The driveway won't clean itself nor will the house wrap itself!  LOL  Later, chickies!

So So

So... I am still doing my higher carb days.  I won't lie -- I'm finding it somewhat hard!  I KNOW I can have a few more carbs, but I am finding it difficult to do simply because I am SO use to not eating them!  I find myself having to rationalize eating the carbs saying it's what I need right now and that something has to give.  I've done pretty well.  I'm not going crazy, but I am allowing myself much more freedom.  It's just strange and I really do have to work at it!  LOL  And so far, my weight is staying the same.  I even had a cupcake last night!  OK, I had a low dinner and the cupcake was carrot cake, but still.  That was a big treat for me!  And I really enjoyed it.  And want to know what's even crazier than the fact that I am not gaining?  I'm not really having cravings and I am on day 4 I think?   I REALLY thought that going from 40g or less a day would make my cravings go through the roof.  But so far, really manageable.  Nothing crazy, nothing strong.  STRANGE.  So, as of right now, I don't know how I feel about this!  Not sure when I will go back to lowered carbs -- we have a lot going on the next few days but I am thinking that it will be after this weekend.  Either Sunday or Monday.  I may do today... I don't know.  I was going to do the other day, but the hubby said it was too soon and that I should wait a couple more days.  I just don't want to get TOO in the habit of higher carbs.

On another note, I finally got the clean out and organization of my closet done yesterday.  I even got the guestroom closet and my oldest's closet done!  The littler's had been done already.  Then, I did a little clean-up on my laundry area.  Not to mention all the housework!  WHEW!  We did a LOT yesterday.  And then we had date night and we went shopping for the hubby.  I swear, that man is harder to shop for than any woman.  He is SO picky about his clothes!  Especially T's.  He's the opposite of most men... most days he will get a polo or a button down on before a T.  But he is REALLY low on nice T's and I told him it was time he did some shopping for himself.  He also needs some new sandals.  So, we went out looking for him.  He DID get 5 shirts, but three were polos!  Thankfully, one I LOVE because the style has the pockets on the front and well, he looks yummy in those!  The other two he got so that he could get rid of the two he had because between regular wear and occasionally golf, they were getting yucky.  Plus, one was really too heavy to wear for golf.  He would sweat so bad!  So, he got two golf polos that are much better.  No shoes or sandals, though.  URGH.  That man is living in his Sketchers or Nike's.  He needs other shoe options.

So, one day into his time off and we've already been pretty productive.  We even got some prep done for other projects around here!  I wouldn't even be writing NOW except he had to take a load off to the dump and it's in the next county.  Then I have a hair appt. and a Dentist appt. and then we will be going to HD to try to get the stuff we need for our projects.  I am HOPING my family is coming in tonight so that we can get up and get to it in the AM.  AND, I hope the weather holds out.  If the weather isn't good, we're in trouble no matter what.

****OK, it is now after 9PM and I am just NOW getting back to finishing this post!  Several things... Had an NSV!  Got my size 16 jeans on!  Woot!  So, something is happening!  Hair appt. went GREAT!  I LOVE it!  Dentist appt. is good -- my tooth is fine and the cleaning felt good, too!  Last but not least, the Home Depot run is done.  WOOT WOOT!  Good day.  Only disappointing thing is that we went out for Mexican food because everyone wanted it.  I ordered what I thought was a cheese enchilada and a plain taco.  What came out was a tamale and beef enchilada.  *sigh*  I ate the tamale, a few beans, a couple of bites of rice, and the beef out of the enchilada.  Just wasn't satisfying.  AT ALL.  Not what I wanted either.  Glad I ate darn good all day or I'd feel worse about dinner.  I am SO ready to eat lower and think I will tomorrow.  Surely 4 days is good?  I know I have a lot to do so I will listen to my body, but we will see.  I know the hubbs will say I should do another few days.  LOL

Well, I guess that is all for now.  I need to end this hugely long post and move on to other things!  If I don't post for the next few days, don't worry -- going to be doing the back of our house!  WISH ME LUCK!

Overkill

I feel like I am writing non-stop lately.  I'm afraid I'm going to overkill ya'll by posting so much!  But I feel like I'm at a crossroads and I need to 'talk this stuff out' in order to keep from going mad.  None of my friends here really get it.  Skinny heifers!  LOL  J/K, but seriously, I just don't think they get it.  No one else seems to have the issues with carbs and they can just sorta watch what they eat and drop weight like it's something they carry in their hands.  Talking to to them doesn't do anything but make me feel worse at times.  So, I've gotten to where I just don't really talk about it at all to anyone other than one close friend who lives out of state who also fights the wacky weight battle; and then there is the hubbs.  Poor guy hears about it so much I'm sure he is sick of it.  I've gotten to where I don't talk to him about it as much, either.  It's a bit hard right now, though, because I feel like I'm hanging on a ledge trying to make some much needed decisions.

I am somewhat second guessing myself from what I wrote last night.  I know it's only a temporary trial, but I am really worried that I will gain a ton!  And I'm not sure if I should watch my cals or not to go along with it?  I'm just worried!  I don't think that I could emotionally handle gaining a LOT of weight.  I've had two fairly high carb days and the scale hasn't moved (up or down).  Not sure what to think of that.  Shouldn't I have gained, in theory?  I mean, it's not like I pigged out, but I did have my LC bread, some extra fruit, and even breading on my fish.  All of that brought me up over 60g of carbs.  So, shouldn't I have seen a gain???  UGH.  Just not sure what to think at this point.  Thinking of having a 'low' day today.  I'm worried about doing the long term high's and then lows.  Thinking I need a low day to not feel so wacky.  I'm worried I'm becoming obsessive!  I'm not typically an obsessive person.  OK, that's a fib, I am always a bit OCD.  But this is driving me nuts.  I guess it is the result of dieting for so long and feeling like I'm not making much progress lately.  In 7 days, I will have been dieting for 4mos.  2 of those under 40g.  And month one and two, I spent losing the same weight.  So, here I am just one week from starting month 5 and I've only lost a smidgeon of weight.  LE SIGH.  Fudgety fudge.  Doing the numbers, that's less than 3lbs. a month.  BLAH.

I just don't know what to do.  I wish I just knew what would work.  URGH.  I've never been successful with cal counting in the past but did great with low carb.  So, now that I am having issues with low carb maybe I need to go to mostly cal counting? And just watching the type of carbs I eat?  Making sure to get the majority of my cals from protein and fat?  Do I even know how to do that?  I think I do.  I mean, that's sorta what I do right now.  I guess I could allow myself a certain amount of cals a day, like 1700.  Divide that into 3 meals and 2 snacks which would be 400 for each meal and then two snacks at 250 each.  Base each meal/snack on protein and then add some fat and carbs.  Like for a snack, if I wanted to have an apple with PB and maybe a small glass of milk(almond or regular) to get me to my cals.  Would be higher in carbs, but but they would be the good carbs.  *sigh*  I am just as confused as Willy Wonka would be in the real world.

I know that I should probably just pick something and stick with it.  I just don't know which one to pick.  I feel like a big fish flopping around on the ground gasping to get back in the water but having no idea how to do that.

Thinking about cycling...

And no, not of the bike variety.  More, of the carb variety.  The hubbs and I have been talking about it over the last couple of days. The diet, that is.  Because I don't remember a lot from then... too much sleep deprivation!  LOL  Anyways, he remembers that I took time off, had girl's nights, and basically let myself eat more at certain times.  Now that I've sat and thought on it, he's right.  I most definitely did do that.  So, that got me to thinking if I should have 'cheat' days.  But here's the thing -- I hate the idea of cheat days.  Mostly because saying 'cheat' sounds like you're doing something wrong and I didn't really view it as that.  I just had more lax days where I didn't count so much and just really tried to enjoy the day and the food without charting every ounce of everything.  So, after reading some other people's experiences with it, how the plan works and that it is easily tweakable, I want to give it a go and see if it helps me.  I guess the worst that could happen is that I gain some and don't lose any.  And if that is the case after 30 days, I'm not sure what I will do.  I mean, I will be at a complete stop and will have to completely re-evaluate what I am doing and what my options are.  UGH.

Anyways, so yesterday I had moderate cals at around 1600 and my carbs were at 56.  My weight was 204.5.  Down half a pound.  But that doesn't mean much since weight can fluctuate so much during the day.  Heck, during the week!  So, I guess I am going to try a few days of higher carb and then drop down to under 40 again.  And then maybe 2 times a month have a day of whatever.  Maybe eat well, but have a couple of the things I very rarely eat.  And no, I am NOT going to go whole hog.  By upping my carbs, I mean some LC bread, nuts, and maybe a few other fruits.  I am not going to start eating crap.  That would be nuts.  Just going to try what one of the women I saw on one of the other forums did and up the carbs with healthy things. The only time I may have something completely off plan will be the 2 times per month.  And I may only do one.  I'm not sure.  I'm just going to start and go from there to see how it goes.

As strange as this may sound, I am actually thinking of following my husbands shift schedule.  I feel like my eating habits change somewhat based on what he is doing anyways, so maybe that would feel the most 'natural' to my body to do that.  I eat way less when he is on nights.  I'm not sure why.  Then when he's on day's, I eat fairly normal.  But when he's off, well, I do tend to eat more.  Not bad stuff, really, but just more in general.  And considering he's on rotating shift work, it changes every few days.  So, if I were to follow it as far as my diet goes, it would be a good amount of 'up and down' with some moderate thrown in there for god measure.  LOL

I guess this is it then!  ANOTHER new start.  Or is this a tweak?  I'm not sure.  But I guess I will just have to wait and see where this part of the journey takes me and see if this is the right route for me.  Worst case scenario, I start all over at the end of this 30 day trial.  I'm not going to change any of my tickers or anything, but I may add one.  Just because it can be annoying trying to figure out what is going on with them if you take them off and start all over.  Besides, my goal is still the same.  But I guess a lot depends on if I see any changes with this.  I won't know for sure if anything changes until I do at least a few cycles.  So, we will see.  Going to go now and spend some time with the hubbs.  He is anxiously awaiting for me to finish this blog so we can watch 'Reaper'.  LOL  FUNNY STUFF!

Pitty

I sure had myself a good little pitty party yesterday, huh?  I am not much happier about things today, but I am still not 100% sure what to do.  I have some ideas and the hubbs and I talked over several options, but nothing is just looking great at this point.  I now one option is to go back on a liquid protein diet.  Another is to up my carbs for a while and then drop them back down -- like carb cycling.  And last but not least, I could try calorie counting again.  I'm someone who is all about the numbers, so these are things I know I can do.  But overall, I don't want to really do any of them.  I just want to eat mostly low carb, whole foods and not kill myself and still lose.  I just don't get why it isn't happening.  But for this week, I think I am going to up my carbs a bit but try to keep my cals about the same and see where it goes.  I am going to try not to obsess over the numbers and just do what I can.  I just don't know if that will result in a loss or just in losing my mind!

Other than that, I am not going to be walking today.  I have some phone calls to make while younger is napping and then we have swim class at 1.  Then I need to run a few errands and if we are lucky, a play date later.  I may even pass up errands if we can do a play date!  Mostly so that the older will get off of my nerve.  He's been mouthy lately, so as a result we've not had many outings.  So, hoping he will act like he has some sense today and we can get out for a bit and burn off some steam.

I guess that is really all other than my weight.  204.5 this AM.  So, still sitting at the same.  I am starting to hate those numbers.  Again, thanks to all of you for being supportive.  I try to do the same!  But just FYI, the rest of the week starting Weds. will be crazy.  We are putting siding on our house if the weather agrees and family is suppose to come and help us with the kiddos.  I hope that all works out because we have a LOT to do.  Better go.... younger is ready for nap, I believe!

Answers...

So, I thought I would answer a couple of questions to my last post while I sit here and marinate over what I need to do to my closet.  I'm doing some re-arranging for the coming warm weather to make it easier to get to the things I will use the most.  In the old closet, it was a tedious and long chore.  Not so much now!  I just have so much more space and whatnot, it's hard to decide what I want to do.  Anyways, on to questions.

ArEyBee
http://twitter.com/ArEyBee

How many calories are you eating per day? 1200 is the absolutely bare minimum any person should eat, and even for weight loss you might need more than that right now! If you are sitting at 1200 calories each day or below that amount your metabolism might be sending signals to your body that it’s starving and so it’s retaining everything you’ve been eating believing it’s not going to get enough food that day. I’d check with the doctor and find the best caloric count for your current weight each day for safe/healthy weight loss of 1-3lbs per week.

Well, the short answer is I don't really count cals.  I do track them, but I don't really 'manage' them.  I'm a low carber.  So, I keep my carbs under 40g.  But as a result of low carbing and eating mostly whole foods, I usually hit right at 1500 cals per day.  Sometimes I'm up to 2000, sometimes down at 1300.  But for the most part I stay around 1500.  According to the online calculator I use, to maintain my weight based on calorie consumption, I would need to consume 2300/day to maintain.  I'm well under that on average and not losing.

gertiev

I know what you mean. I’m going through the same thing where I exercise everyday for 60-90 mins, I eat a whole lot better now than when I started and still the scale won’t budge!

It could be that we’re gaining muscle and than contributes to the slow descent of the scale (since muscle weight more than fat)

I SO wish that were the case.  But due to my PCOS, I don't do any weight training.  I use my bodyweight, but no added weight.  My testosterone levels tend to be high and I put on muscle like crazy from even moderate weights.  I do about 30mins. of treadmill at a moderate speed.  Then I stretch out for about 15 mins.  If I have time at night before bed, I do some slow, target toning exercises for about 30mins.  There is no way that the exercise I am doing is putting on enough muscle to keep me from losing.

Thank you ladies for commenting!  And incontroltoday, it means a lot to me that you are always checking in on me!  It's the support of this site that is really keeping me sane at this point!  After my little pity party this AM, I decided that I wasn't going to let it keep me down.  I'm angry, for sure, but I don't know what else I could do.  I did feel a bit better after when I went to work out that I tested my body fat percentage.  I am at 30%.  I don't remember ever seeing 30 before except for when I lost weight back before I had my second child.  Which is good.  Realistically, though, that means that I cannot get to my goal weight without losing some muscle if that thing is even slightly close to accurate.  Because 30% of 203 (my lowest to date) is just a smidge over 60lbs.  I was hoping to lose close to that much total.  The more I've thought about it, the mid 150's seems the best.  And I just don't think that is realistic if my percentages are right!  URGH.

I honestly don't know how to feel right now.  Part of me is glad my percentage is low, part of me is sad about the lack of loss, part of me is angry, and the other part of me says this isn't working and I need a break from counting everything.  I just don't know WHAT to do right now.  I know being angry won't help.  And I know binging on junk won't help.  So, I've just stuck with my diet today and even worked out and did my stretching during naptime like usual.  I just feel irritated right now but resigned to stick it out until I figure something else out.

Not a happy camper

I am downright unhappy today.  205.  Two hundred and five pounds.  I hate it.  I hate it and I darn near hate myself.  I know that's silly, but geez.  I am staying on plan and doing the absolute best I can and my body is fighting me like the devil.  I just don't know what to do anymore.  I've been doing this now since the 26th of Dec. and all I've lost is a measly 11.5lbs.?  Just doesn't seem worth it anymore.  I'm sitting here counting every piece of anything that crosses my lips and haven't eaten off plan or over plan in well over a week (and even then, not too horribly bad) and yet, the weight is holding on like there is no tomorrow.  I am SO frustrated I just want to give up and cry.

Then, the reasonable part of me kicks in.  Would I have rather GAINED 11.5lbs.???  Which, I more than likely would have if I had continued eating the way I was before I started cutting down on carbs.  I was gaining a lot and rather quickly.  So, I know it would've been the opposite.  I would've been buying even bigger clothes.  So, I have to keep reminding myself of that.  Keep trying to see the good and know that if nothing else, my body has got to be getting healthier just from doing the right things even if it is slow to show up.  I have to remember that my moods are better and I'm better able to deal with stress.  I have to remember and focus on the good things that are going on and stick it out.  But that doesn't mean that I don't hate it or understand it.  How is it that my carbs and processed foods are so low, my water is good, I mostly take my vitamins, and my cals are even fairly low (for my current weight) and I'm still not losing???  I just don't get it.  WHAT am I doing wrong?  I feel like something is really wrong with me.  :(

Maybe it's time I make an appt. with the Dr. to get checked out.  I hate to go again until my yearly, but I just feel like something strange is going on that I am not losing no matter what I do.  Maybe I need to try a new plan and shake things up?  I just don't know.  I just feel really bummed out right now and am questioning.  No, I'm not going to give up even if I am upset and feel like it.  I'm just going to keep plugging along for now.  I guess I will review my food journal again and maybe do some research and see if I am missing something.  I just can't live with this anymore.  I need SOMETHING to change and SOMETHING to work.  I'm afraid if this keeps up, I'll become a depressed mess.  :(

That's right -- another post!

So, I'm feeling pretty darn good.  I got a lot of housework caught up, got to relax and play with the kiddos some, AND got in a good workout.  Although, didn't get to play with oldest as much as I could've.  I think he thinks Mom isn't so cool.  LOL  Plus he was mad because I made him clean up all the toys he had left out the last few days.  I just couldn't look at it anymore!  But all in all, a good and productive day.  I really hope that tomorrow will be the same!

I think the reason why I am writing, though, is that I am nervous.  My weigh-in is tomorrow and I am hoping for some sort of loss.  I would love to see 202.5, but I don't think that is realistic.  This AM was 204.5.  Last week, 207.5.  Week before, 204.5.  So, if I am the same or even UP tomorrow, that will be two weeks with no loss and I will be BUMMED.  I was really hoping to see a loss this week.  And now, now I feel nervous about tomorrow.  I almost don't want to weigh just because of my nerves over it.  I am, however, glad that I weigh daily.  If I didn't, I wouldn't notice little trends.  Like, the Japanese food that I had.  At the time, I left that area blank but made a note that my weight was WAY up the next AM (due to sodium, I'm sure).  Well, I decided to go back today and attempt to get numbers for it.  I hate leaving anything blank in my food journal!  I was amazed to see how high the sodium, carbs, and cals were.  It was an eye opener and I can tell you that I will make better choices the next time we eat any Asian food.  I won't lie, I enjoyed what I ate, but it sure bit me in the butt.  And if I don't lose this week, I will know why.

So, now my food journal is caught up except for finishing tonight's.  Which I am about to go do.  The only issue I've been having other than nerves is that I am not eating as much during the day.  Here lately, I seem to be having a HUGE brunch and then not hungry until dinner.  I stop and force myself to eat a snack and I am drinking plenty of water.  But OOPS!  Just realized that I've been forgetting my vitamins AGAIN!  I refilled them and STILL forgot!  URGH.  Got to remember that tomorrow.  Anyways, I've stayed under my carbs and even good on cals, but I am worried that I am eating too much at one setting.  So, I've got to try to work on that.  It's just hard with so much that needs to be done and two young kids running around!

Well, it is after 10:30PM now so I guess I should get off of here, finish my journal and then get ready to head on to bed.  I am hoping to sleep well tonight and be able to get some more things done tomorrow -- like our bedroom.  It's BAD in there but I didn't want to attempt it today.  G'night chicks and I will update tomorrow if I'm not in tears!

Busy as a bee...

The last few days have certainly been BUSY!  So, that's why no posting.  But it's okay -- I know you guys don't miss me too much!  LOL  I do appreciate everyone's comments!  However, sure wish that I knew how to find your blogs from the comments!  I already follow a couple of you, but the others, well, not sure who you are so it's hard to find you!  I noticed that on some of the comments, the blog link comes up after the name.  I've got to figure out how to do that!  Ugh.  Just spend some time looking and cannot figure it out.  If anyone knows, please tell me!  I would greatly appreciate it.  :D

Anyways, as I said, the last few days have been crazy and busy.  I guess first I should say that I have not worked out during this time -- bad, I know.  But I just didn't have the time.  Between the kiddos and the work we were doing, it just didn't happen.  Plus, I had my Girl's night and then errands.  I'm telling you, it's just been a mad house!  Anyways, WHAT were we doing?  Tearing down the remnants of a HUGE old, ugly deck that wasn't installed right.  We tore down over half last fall, but we needed the other half for a while so we left it up.  Or maybe it was a third...  Either way, we needed to get the back yard cleaned, cleared, and the deck removed.  So, we took the kiddos out to play and we worked.  FOR HOURS.  During that time, not only did I get a bunch of stuff sorted, put up, and thrown away, but I also piled up a HUGE amount of debris on the trailer to be hauled off sometime soon.  While doing that, we were fighting hornets, wasps, and carpenter bees.  About halfway through, I'd had enough and went and bought FOUR cans of spray.  We used two.  The bees aren't bothered by spray, so I killed them with a badminton racket.  THAT was quite a workout!  But they were drilling into my house so they had to go.  Aggravating things!  It was like hitting a tiny tank!  They don't have stingers, but their body is hard like a roach.  So when you hit them, it's not far off from hitting a tennis ball.  The end of cleanup was easier than the beginning once we had killed off some of the insects.  I hate to kill things, but these little dudes were doing fly-by's!  And I KNOW the hornets and wasps are territorial.  We had to have killed over a dozen of those.  Thus, why we will NOT be putting a deck back in.  They are just crazy attracted to wood -- all of them.  Did I mention spiders?  And silverfish?  Glad I wore my leather work gloves!  Not to mention, the view out the backdoor is all green now -- not brown!  I LOVE it!

Oh!  My hip is better for those wondering!  No pain since that one day.  STRANGE.  But I've been so physically active it isn't even funny.  However, now my tooth is killing me.  I can't get into the Dentist, though, until at least Monday.  I'm honestly hoping I just stunned a nerve and it goes away on it's own instead of it being in need of a root canal.  It wouldn't be such a big deal except it is my front tooth.  URGH.

Thursday night was my Girl's night.  We ended up going shopping and out to dinner.  I was SOOO good!  We did all that walking and then for dinner, we went to Bonefish.  I had never been there before!  I was PLEASANTLY surprised!  You see, we had one back in Newport News and we have one here.  But in the 5yrs. we've been here, we've never gone and for one reason -- one friend told me it was awful.  So, I just never got in the mood to go.  DAMN.  Wish I had gone sooner!  I feel gipped!  I had this seasoned and seared Atlantic salmon topped with spinach and goat cheese with chickpea relish on the side.  And then a side of french green beans.  Everything was fresh and OH SO YUMMY.  And our service?  SUPERB!  It was a great night!  I also had one glass of white wine.  :D  And if you can believe it, I didn't buy anything shopping!  But I had fun walking around and looking.

The next day was errands errands errands.  I did grocery shopping and then went to Bed, Bath, and Beyond to get our floor steamer.  I ended up getting a different steamer, another set of hangers, and two rugs.  Now just got to put those rugs down.  LOL  I went to Ross later and ended up buying like, 5 dresses and a pair of earrings!  :O  I may end up returning the earrings and one dress.  Three of them were more like house dresses or nightgowns.  I don't like to sit around in traditional nightgowns in case someone drops by or something so I like to buy cheap little cotton dresses to just wear when we are hanging out here.  They were $8 and could easily be used to run to the store with my denim jacket and sandals, wear around here, or even to the pool.  And for $8, who cares if I have to replace them in a year or two?  I could always keep them and alter them, donate them, sell them, or give them away.  And I won't feel guilty!

Now today?  I am going to be catching up on a ton of housework if the kiddos will cooperate.  It's not even 10, yet.  So, I am hoping to put in a good 4hrs.  Mostly the living room/dining/kitchen area.  Anything else will be ICING!  I just want to try to put things back in order.  It's dusty, muddy, and there is stuff EVERYWHERE.  And even though the hubbs did do some dishes, the dishes are piled up.  So, here's to hoping I can put a dent in the catastrophe that is currently my house.  I know I can't get it all done, but I'd sure like to work on it and knock some of the worst out!  And maybe during naptime I can get in a quick 30min. walk.  Will just have to see how it goes....

I guess that is all other than my weight!  Well, my weigh-in isn't until tomorrow, but as of this AM, still sitting at 204.5.  So, if I go down any between today and tomorrow, that will be a loss for the week since last Sunday's weigh-in was 207.5 and the week before 204.5.  I am hoping to see 203 since I've bounced around a lot, but I just don't know.  Like I said, I've been sticking to this pretty well even with being busy and Girl's night, although I did have half a piece of single layer cake last night.  But I believe it was within my range or maybe only slightly over.  So, overall I am happy and feeling good.  Just wish TOM would come.  I don't know WHAT is going on with that!  I've been regular since I had my baby and now he is no where to be seen.  I am thinking it's going to hold out until next week when it knows the hubby will be home and we have TONS to get done.  UGH.  Anyways, hopefully onward and downward!

I DID IT!

Hip hurting and all, I drug my big butt on the treadmill!  And believe it or not, my hip feels better.  :D  I only did 30mins., but it's better than nothing.  I just went right down after youngest went down for his nap.  I figure if I can do 30mins. of at least walking and then stretching (10 to 15mins.) and then maybe some toning at night, in the end I will end up with almost double the amount of exercise I was getting before.  Because before, when I WAS working out, I was trying to do an hour just on the treadmill.  And by doing that, I rarely got that hour and I never stretched or did the toning.  So, my goal for now is for sure the treadmill and stretching and toning when I can.  And I am shooting for DAILY.  I know I won't always get it in there, but I am going to try!  Eeks.  Just realized I was probably only exercising 2 or 3hrs. for an entire week!  No way was that even doing any good.  Oh well, that was then, this is now.  Let's see how the focused 30mins. does (that would equal over 3.5hrs. per week if I do every day).  And we'll go from there.  Sorry to post again, but I was just happy I got up and did it.  :D

Pain

I am having some HORRIBLE pain today.  No, not TOM.  But wait, where are you TOM?  TOM?  Are you lost?  You should've gotten here already.  I'm sure you'll show up soon, but you know I hate waiting!!!  LOL  Anyways, back to my pain.  I have this horrible sharp pain shooting from the top of my left hip all the way down to my ankle.  I'm not sure WHAT I could've done!  I've had a similar pain to this back when I was preggo, but not since.  Then, it was my sciatic nerve.  I have had problems with my back and neck now for a while.  I'm not sure what it stems from, but I get these large knots in the muscles of my back.  My husband said that they were the size of golf balls.  I know when they are there -- I get massive headaches when they reach a certain point and I have to sit with heating pads for hours and then the hubby gives me a massage.  When the knot breaks, I feel like crying they hurt SO bad and then there's a flood of relief.  I literally passed out last time (asleep, not like a blackout).  I am considering going to a Chiropractor.  I've heard mixed reviews, but I've got to do something.  I'm obviously out of whack somehow and it's been worse over the last few months.  My friend who is a massage therapist said that I should also consider massage therapy and physio therapy.  She checked my back and said they were pretty severe.  :(  Guess I better get this figured out soon before I have issues that are even worse.

I made the decision yesterday to take out all the maternity things.  So, I did it!  I ended up taking out 11 pieces.  One of which was a dress.  I've decided that even though a couple of them are really cute and it would be nice to keep them, I'm going to let them go.  I know I will be able to 'replace' them in the future.  The only thing that I have found so far that I would like to get altered, is my denim jacket, but I want to wait until I get to the mid-190's to do that -- less than 10 more lbs.  But all the other stuff I am thinking I will let go if/when the time comes.  And for now, that's all the purging/prep I am doing.  Still getting rid of those 11 things gave me back a couple of inches of space!  :D  My closet is looking better and better.  We put in a whole new closet organizer when we expanded it and then I bought a ton of matching bins to put our things in.  All Sterilite (Made in the USA, woot!), clear, and light!  So, all of our non every day stuff (extra bags, gloves, hats) are all stored in those at the top of the closet.  And now that some of the 'old' stuff is being cleared away, it's looking nice and airy.

I wish I was feeling nice and airy!  I felt good yesterday until late when I was talking to the hubbs.  I realized that even though I was feeling good about losing a little over a pound a week, I was disappointed that it is going to take a LONG time to lose the weight I need to lose.  At 204, I need to lose 21lbs. to hit my goal.  At 1lb. per week, that's over 5mos. to lose that weight.  10mos. to lose 40.  15mos. if I decide to go down to the 140's.  That would put me at next summer at this rate.  :(  Boo.  But I don't know what else to do.  I don't want to cut my carbs any lower, I'm trying to make little changes to go to bed earlier.  And I am just now getting into the swing of my hubby's new shift work schedule.  I am hoping that I will be able to work out at least 30mins. during youngest's nap time in the middle of the day and then maybe another half hour after they have gone to bed.  I have been trying really hard to get the kiddos into bed earlier.  Youngest at 8, oldest before 9.  I am hoping to eventually work that back even more to youngest at 7:30 and oldest at 8.  When oldest starts school, he will have to get up at 6:30.  Right now, he still needs about 11hrs. of sleep (he is in bed before 9 and gets up around 8:15) so we will just have to see how he does with being in bed at 8 and getting up at 6:30 (that would be about 10 1/2hrs. of sleep).  And depending on how bad traffic and whatnot is, we may have to get up at 6:15.  URGH.  In which case he will either have to go to bed earlier, or come home and take a little nap.

I am worrying about this NOW because I want to try to get them into a routine before we NEED a routine.  It's easy when they are both home and we can do whatever, but I am thinking we need to do this now so we aren't fighting and stressed when we get closer to school.  Right now, bedtime routine for oldest starts at 8:15 and the earliest I want to roll him back now is to 8.  We'll roll back a little more every few weeks.  And I need to get back into the routine of doing review/homeschooling with him.  We've slacked on that in the last few weeks because of everything else going on and that is completely my fault.  So, I need to get back on it.  We do a little bit of math, penmanship, memorization and then some reading.  He wasn't doing so well on the reading at first and phonics, but he is doing better!  I know when he starts school that is what he will be learning.  So, as long as he goes in prepared with the other stuff, he will be fine.  Not to mention, he's already had two years of Preschool.  We just didn't go back this year due to our funds at the time being too tight.  Thankfully, things are much better now (we just paid off 2 debts and are about to repay 1 more plus rebuild our savings).  But considering all the drama that was at the school this year with the new Director, I'm just as glad we stayed home.

Well, I guess this is all of the rambling for now.  Nap time is approaching and I am thinking that I want to try to get a workout in today.  Wondering if I should track that, too?  I do have that dailymile thing on FB, but I don't think I'll be doing any serious mileage right now.  I'll be lucky to hit a mile a day!  But we will see.  I guess I could track it in my food journal along with everything else.  LOL  Have a great day everyone!

Short

This is going to be short this AM.  Well, at least for now.  Got up to 206.5 this AM.  Which is good.  I'm really sticking on plan and feeling ok -- just wish TOM would go ahead and start so I could get over it already!  LOL  I just feel so much like crap a few days before it comes.  Should be tonight or tomorrow if I stay on schedule.  Already started the Ibuprofen for relief.  Some study showed that taking some every day for a couple of days before your cycle made it less painful and somewhat shorter.  I tried it last month and it was SO much better!  Much less pain, more consistent, and not so crabby.  Time was maybe one day shorter, but I think that's because it was more consistent!  Either way, doing it again this month to see if it helps again.  If so, this will more than likely become my new routine.

Anyways, short this AM since the oldest has swim and I need to get up from here and get us all going even though I feel like a sloth!!!  I AM happy to see the 206.5, though.  I can handle 2lbs. up for the week for TOM and only up 3.5 from my lowest.  Hopefully by next Sunday, I will be under 203, but we will see.  Even if I saw 202.5, I would be happy!  LOL  But you know me, always going to shoot for more!  Well, better get off of here and get these kiddos rolling!

Still

Still at 207.5 this AM.  Starting to think I don't want to weigh again until my next weigh-in which is next Sunday.  For this week, I am up 3.0lbs.  URGH.  That's up 4.5 from my lowest.  :(  I sure hope this is bloat.  I really don't think I could've gained that much from the tiny bit of rice I had in my sushi.  I looked it up and the amount of rice I had (maybe 1/4c) was less than 9g. of carbs.  So, I really don't think it's that.  And when I added all the numbers up, I still should've been pretty good and not that far over if any.  I really do think it is bloat and that eventually it will pass.  I won't lie -- I am a bit disappointed not to see the scale go down.  I had really hoped to get down to about 202 in hopes that by next week, I would be under 200.

I don't think I am going to make my goal.  :(  I only have about 71/2 weeks left and even if I lost 2lbs. per week, I wouldn't make it.  That would only be 15lbs. which would put me short 5lbs.  That is IF my weight goes back down to the 203 after my cycle.  I am definitely not giving up, but I just don't think I will have made my goal to be at my lowest of 183 by the oldest's b-day.  It makes me kind of sad to know that I won't have made it and I feel somewhat frustrated.  That 10 day stall greatly slowed me down and then now I've gained a whopper amount of weight and I'm not sure what it could be other than monthly bloat  I just hope it passes and I go back down.  If not, that's even MORE on top of what I already needed to go.  :(

But I am going to try to stay positive and not let this get me down.  I tend to let things get to me more when my cycle is here, so this will be a feat.  Not to mention, the hubbs goes back on nights tonight, so I will be single parenting it over the next few days.  JOY.  NOT.  So, the next few days will probably feel long and tiring so I am hoping to find things to do.  I have lots of things that NEED to get done, but I also need time to spend with the kiddos so they aren't driving me crazy.  And I'm sure I won't get much sleep.  #1, I don't sleep well when he's on nights and #2, the kiddos don't let me sleep too much at night.

I never realized how much sleep affects our bodies.  I am starting to really think that sleep may be one of the reasons why the weight is taking so long this time.  When I lost 40lbs. before, the oldest was old enough that he didn't get up at night, and the hubby's job didn't bother me so much because of that.  So, I was getting plenty of sleep and felt fine.  Now, I have a young baby who never seems to sleep and I feel tired all of the time.  I don't know how older Mom's do it!  I'm 31 and couldn't imagine having my first child at say 40.  I'm worn out now!  And the lack of sleep is much harder on me now than it was just a few years ago.  It really makes me wonder if it could be affecting my weight loss enough that I would be this slow.  Looking back, the weeks where I do the best is when I happen to get decent sleep.  That hasn't been happening in the last week so I just wonder if it is contributing.

Well, not much I can do to see other than attempt to get more sleep.  I don't know how, though, until my younger starts sleeping through the night without waking up 100 times.  He only got up once last night, BUT he kept crying out and whimpering just enough that I would wake up to check him.  But by the time I could drag myself out of bed and get to his room, he'd be peacefully sleeping.  And even if I didn't get up and just listened for a minute, that's a minute my brain woke up.  And I don't know why, but it matters.  I guess for now all I can do is do the best I can and attempt to lose as much as my body will let me in hopes that eventually the baby will sleep and I will be able to lose more.  I am just afraid it isn't going to happen and I'm going to be dragging this weight around for another year or more.  :(

207.5

207.5 today but I expected that.  We had Japanese last night, and for some reason no matter how light they go on the sauces, I get all swollen.  It doesn't help that TOM is right around the corner!  I did have some sushi last night that contained rice.  I almost feel bad about that, but we hadn't gotten sushi in SO long.  I think we got burned out on it because there for a few months, we were eating it non-stop!  I would normally just order sashimi, but the Scorpion rolls were calling my name!  So, I had a few pieces along with the hibachi (light sauce, no rice) that we had.  Oh, and two bites of Spring roll.  YUM.  Overall, not bad since the only thing carby I ate was the rice.  And yesterday, my carbs and cals were pretty low so I don't feel like I went crazy over.  Not to say I didn't go off plan, cause I did since there was rice, but it was nice, too.  Maybe I am just justifying it.  LOL  Should I feel more guilty?  Eh, whatev.  Not going to!  LOL

Other than that, today is going to be an easy day and we are hoping to squeeze in a date night tonight if our sitter is available.  We're trying to get better about having one or two a month to keep us connected and sane!  UGH.  Just got the message that she can't -- again.  After saying she could.  AGAIN.  URGH.  It is getting really frustrating to ask her about something or a date or whatever and she will say she can only to come back a few days later and say that she can't.  I don't get it.  If she just doesn't want to sit for us, I'd rather she just told me because at this point, I need to find a new sitter!  And it takes a while to break in a good sitter.  Well, for me it does because I am naturally a slightly paranoid person when it comes to my kiddos.

Ugh.  Now I feel like we should get up and try to get some things done.  Might as well since today isn't going the way we thought.  I feel like getting violent on some brush in the back yard.  LOL  We really need to clean and organize back there.  And maybe the hubbs could do some trim.  That would be good.  Especially since the weather is warming up and all the creepy crawlers are coming out.  YUCK.  Found a few baby wasps in the house today AND a hornet.  NOT GOOD.  I'm allergic.  AND, we think our oldest might be, too.  So, we really should get out and get a few things done if possible while little dude is sleeping.  OK, going to go.  Write more later if I have time.