Frustrated

Yesterday was not a good day for me.  I was totally in a bad mood and just felt like ripping something/someone apart.  I tried not to fully take it out on anyone, but as a result, I internalized everything -- which is not good.  At some point, it will become too much for me and I'll explode.  I just have no other way to deal with things right now.  I get no time to myself, and I feel like I 'herd' all day.  The hubbs says he feels the same -- except he doesn't.  He at least goes to work.  It's a 30min+ drive to work, so he gets at LEAST one hour to himself a day.  Which isn't to say that dealing with traffic isn't crap, but I can't even get 5mins. of bathroom time alone.  URGH.  And yes, I was aware that this is how it would be when I had kids.  I am just in an oh so shitty mood that stems from days of dealing with cranky kids and then a whole day of a cranky husband.  As my one friend said, I used up all my positive mojo trying to counterbalance their hateful shit.  Nail on head.

Then to top things off, while we were working on a project yesterday amidst my annoyance, I glanced over and saw a reflection of myself.  Keep in mind, we have NO full length mirrors in our house.  No particular reason other than the one I wanted was over $100 at the time and well, we didn't have the moola.  Then we were moving, then we moved, and since, we've been remodeling.  So, it just never came up other than me saying I'd like to have one to make sure my outfits match the other day during a conversation with a friend.  I have just gotten use to not seeing my entire body when dressing.  On to my point.... we were installing a new 3/4 lite glass door and well, I saw my reflection.  :O  I looked HORRIBLE!!!!!  :O  HORRIBLE!  :O  How is it that I am at about the same weight I was before and I never thought I looked all that bad (not great, but not horrid) but when I saw my reflection this time, it was like, WHAT???  I look SO much bigger than I did the last time I was at around 205.  :(  That, or I was delusional before.  I'm not sure which.

Needless to say, yesterday was crap.  I did stay on plan, though.  Even feeling crappy.  All I could think was, if I fall outta whack now, all it will do is make me look WORSE!  So, I ate on plan, drank my water and all that jazz.  Although I did forget my vitamins.  I just took them for today, so I won't forget again.  I've gotten bad at not taking them.  Not sure what I can do to help with that, but I need to do something!  I've been attempting to double up my multi-vitamin for a couple of weeks, because I've just not felt 'great'.  Mostly due to that annoying, never ending cold I just got over.  I felt like it was just draining me.  I may do that again for a couple of weeks just to get my body built back up.  But not long term.  I just don't know if that level of vitamins/minerals would be good long term.  I just want to get my stores built back up.  Although I know that some Dr.s' recommend two multi's a day.  Just don't know how my body could deal with that.  They sorta give me an upset stomach as-is!  I am changing mutli's when these are done (in just a few days) so hopefully that will fix the issue.

My weight is staying the same.  Now, before anyone goes, oh, see!  Low carb DOESN'T work!  Let me tell you this:  As I've mentioned before, I am a tracker.  I track not only carbs, but calories, fiber, protein, and fat.  And according to my records, my cals have been low enough to where even if I was watching them and not carbs, I should be losing.  I am assuming because with the high amounts of protein and fat, I am fuller and don't eat as much.  Even though I am trying to get in my 3 meals and 2 snacks a day.  I don't always get it, but I try!  My cals were kinda high two days (over 2000), but those were both high activity days, I believe.  So, I am afraid it is the dreaded '2nd week stall'.  I know I've been doing low carb for a while, but this is only about the second week of my carbs being under 40g.  And I've reviewed it from day one and I can see that I'm staying on the right path.  So, just going to ride it out and see what happens next week.

I think I am going to get off of here for now and maybe get dressed.  When the hubby gets done with his test, I am thinking I may sneak out of this house for a few hours to myself.  Not sure what I will do, but I sure do want out of this house for a bit and just have some time to breathe.  I did get out and weed some yesterday, and that made me feel MUCH better.  Something about fresh air and gardening just makes you feel better.  I need to get my seedlings going to I can put out my garden soon.  Trying to decide exactly where to put it this year so that the dogs aren't getting into it.  My little female will eat ANYTHING.  My friend is doing hers in containers this year and in her flower beds.  I am thinking of doing the same just because I feel like her idea is genius!  Mostly because you can move them wherever they seem to do best and hopefully keep as many pests off as possible!  My pests would be my DOGS!  LOL  And in the flower beds, there would be no access for the dogs.  We will just have to see.

Well, this is long enough so I am going to go read some other blogs.  Not to mention it has taken me ALL day off and on.  But I did get a good 3hr. break this afternoon to go do some shopping.  AND, I got some great stuff.  :D  Really happy to have a few new things to get me through until I fit my old 'new' things!  LOL