Friday, May 29, 2015

Purge?

I came on here to post, and realized that the post I wrote a few days ago never got published.  So, you lucky folks are getting two for the price of one! HA!

Things are ok right now.  We had another showing and I think it went ok.  No real feedback, though.  On a good note, my brain has been in a better place, so that helps a ton.

It helps that I have been out of the house some.  LOL

So, we've been going over the options with our house.  I'm not sure if I mentioned this last post (I didn't go back and read it well) but we are at one month on the market.  We are REALLY bummed about no offer and as I said, we aren't sure how long we can do this separated thing.  It's hard and frustrating, and I'm just not sure we, as a family, can do it too long.  So tonight, hubby started looking at a few rentals down there just to see if anything was available.  And sure enough, a few things have popped up.  SO, we are now back to looking at that as a real and viable option.  If we can find something for $1000 or less, we could swing it now that all of our debt is down.  We only have two things left since I took my Mom's advice about paying off the HVAC.  And that is the AmEx card and my car.  That's it.  The other things we had already been working down and had paid off.  But with my parent's help and guidance, we paid off two others.  We had originally wanted to wait and save that money for the next house, but my Mom made some good points and after thinking on it, realized she could be right.  For one thing, it makes things easier NOW.  Less to stress over NOW.  For another, it gives our payments time to be reflected on our current credit reports.  Also, it will make closing and moving our accounts easier because there will be fewer to move!  I'm glad we went ahead and did it.

SO, with all of that in mind, we can do a rental now.  It's scary to think of leaving home we already own and hoping it sells.  We know if we do it smart, we can be ok for a while.  It just sucks a bit to be so tight.  Others do it on smaller, and we can, too.  But it's also nice to think of us all being together and not having us and things spread all over.  We have this house and storage and then hubby at his rental.  It would be great to get it all in one place.  Even if that place is only a rental.  It's looking like our best option unless some other things fall into line.  And maybe the house being empty will help.  And like I think I mentioned, we are thinking of neutralizing all of the paint.  If we do, I may very well hire someone. Depends on cost.  I think it would just need to be the foyer, living room, kitchen and hall.  I could probably do it myself, really.  Maybe just the living room/kitchen?  I'm going to think on it some more.  I just wonder if it being super neutral and empty would help, ya know?  I want to think people are smart enough to be able to change paint and see their things here, but I'm thinking maybe they can't?  No idea.  I guess we will see. I hate to spend much more time or effort, but I'm not sure what else to do at this point.  I'm really tempted to pack up as much as possible and go.  I pray that God gives us guidance.  I know what I would LIKE, but I also know that he sees a bigger picture than me so I pray that we are able to figure it out and be patient!

Well, I hope this helps me to sleep some.  I should REALLY get to bed.  UGH.  Wish me luck on doing the right thing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHAT?

So, after doing so well the other day, I had a mini meltdown of frustration and chucked my laptop.  I normally would've plopped it on the couch, but I chucked it on the floor and jacked up the screen.  I didn't throw it especially hard or violent, I just sorta threw it down and well... now I feel like I've wasted all of my careful penny pinching by ruining a brand new electronic device.  I guess I should have followed hubby's advice and returned it before.  The screen had been giving me issues from the get-go.  I think the issue is that it's a hybrid laptop/tablet and the different functions tend to fight.  There would be days it worked fine, great even.  And I would LOOOOOVE it.  Then it would hang up and not work much at all.  I think I am just better off with two separate devices.  :/  I think if we can get this one fixed, meaning if hubby can fix it, I will keep it as my tablet and for travel.  Then when we get settled, we will do what we agreed about getting a home set-up.  I will do the majority of stuff on the home one saving the other for only the tablet stuff like reading.  I'm not sure how much involvement I want with FB, either.  I'm starting to think that FB is a huge part of the problems.  It seems like after being on there, that's when I have issues with pages functioning the right way.

Other than that, I'm really not sure what to talk about.  I'm not talking to friends much right now.  I'm not posting on FB.  I've not even been blogging all that much.  I am writing in my journal, but that is about it.  It's not that I don't want to talk.  I just don't have much TO talk about.  There has still been no progress on the selling of the house.  Which is REALLY starting to eat at me.  It's been a month.  And not a single offer.  :/  I don't get it.  The realtor seemed SO sure of it selling and fast.  Then she seemed really sure of an offer last week. Nothing.  And then this weekend, hubby and I BOTH had a super strong feeling that it was going to happen and..... NOTHING.  I don't get it.  UGH.

I guess that is one thing on my mind is how long can we do this.  How long can we keep going on this house?  How long can we sit here waiting for it to sell?  I know what I told hubby about having to sit on it, but is that how we really want to live?  CAN we live that way?  I'm not sure I can do this for another year.  UGH.  My brain wants to keep moving forward, but I almost feel like it is wasted effort.  For example, I kind of want to just keep going forward with moving.  I told hubby to look into storage down there.  I think then when he comes up one weekend, he could fly and then just drive a Uhaul back with the things from our storage and garage down.  Plus anything else we want to go ahead and get out of way.  I'm thinking of going ahead and getting rid of most of the 'For Sale' items.  I'm thinking screw this whole staging thing!  I've also been thinking about dropping a hundred bucks or so on a 5gal. bucket of beige paint and neutralizing the whole damn house.  I hate to do/spend that, but I also want this place sold.  I'm not sure how the paint could stop a sale, but... whatever.  I've never let a paint deter me but people are weird.

Other things have been going ok. I'm just in a funk.

Thursday, May 21, 2015

Looking for IT

I decided yesterday that instead of just hoping for a silver lining, I needed to actually LOOK for it!  I found it.  :)

I found it in going over the budget with hubby.  He finally got that I wasn't knocking his pay.  I wasn't complaining about lack of money.  I was stating a financial fact that we were already super tight running two households and that any other debts on top of what we were currently doing just wasn't possible.  Seeing the numbers and actually taking the time to process it, he finally got it!  I was so relieved.  That's a silver lining.  :)  He finally gets that I'm not trying to be a pain or whine about money.  He finally got that what I was trying to explain is that this is just how it is NOW.  Once we sell this house and he isn't renting, we will be fine.  As long as we don't go crazy on the house we buy, between the two that should be about $700 back into our cash flow.  Which means we would be just fine! 

Now that he has calmed down, I feel more calm and more enthusiastic.  Because before I was stressing over the numbers.  He was so adamant that I was second guessing myself and it was amping up my anxiety making me question the numbers even more.  Which made me feel like things were way worse than what they were.  Now that he gets its... it's a huge relief. 

I've also calmed down about the houses.  It will be what it will be and instead of focusing on what isn't right now, I'm focusing on little projects and things around here that I've been wanting to do or that need to be done.  I'm also focusing on me a bit more.  I cut and colored my hair (myself) and did a pedicure (again, myself).  I slept in this morning and now I'm doing a few things around the house.  I'm going to focus on what I CAN do instead of what I have ZERO control over.  I may even do some jewelry stuff because that would just be fun.  LOL 

What I'm putting off, because I'm SICK of it, is painting.  I just don't wanna. I NEED to get some things listed for sale, but I re-listed that dining/patio set and no takers.  BUMMED.  I really want to sell it.  I would refinish it and use it myself, but I'm just not sure.  I don't get why it isn't selling.  Maybe I should just keep it.  Anyways, I'm reluctant to sell anything else until the house is sold because what is here has the house somewhat staged.  I guess I could sell a few things, I'm just not sure what.  I've sorta been thinking of just donating crap.  I'm sorta sick of looking at some of it.  LOL  I'm just being lazy about it, I guess.  I think it's because the few things I've listed recently haven't moved.  I see people posting jump and it sells almost instantly.  Drives me crazy.  But what I'm really putting off is finishing the office and painting.  *SIGH*  I need to suck it up and get it done.

Not much else is going on except for school is officially out and we are SO glad.  We are all just burned out and need a few lazy days to recover.  Thankfully, this week has been easier on me and youngest, but oldest is worn to a nub.  I can tell because he looks worn to a nub!  He's tired, doesn't have any energy, dark under his eyes.  So, I already told him today he needed to take it easy.  It doesn't help that major storms have been going through so we've all felt severe sinus pressure which keeps us from sleeping and gives us headaches.  I know that is part of it.  Hopefully we stay healthy and are able to rest over the rest of this week/weekend. 

Ok, off I go.  I've already given my bedroom a good dusting, I've got the pull for the light downstairs drying from where I glued it back together, and folded some laundry.  I've got a small load of darks going, dishes washing, and I did several small things yesterday.  So, maybe I can get these few things done and talk myself into at least a smidge of painting.  I know part of the issue is the paint I was using was old, at the bottom, and starting to get clumpy.  So, I've left it open to dry out and then I'm going to put it in recycling.  Opening a new can with fresh paint should help so I keep telling myself to stop dreading it!  I just do.  But it needs to be done.  BADLY.  UGH.  I did find an area around the window I need to touch up, too.  It's like it has settled or dried and shrunk and needs another touch up.  I can do that.  I just don't wanna.  lol  But I need to stay busy and get things done so I'm not going crazy once the house does sell.  Maybe I will spend today doing a few odds and ends upstairs and then when I go to clean down there tomorrow, I will focus on paint.  Although, oddly enough, I kinda wonder if people will want to do viewings this weekend.  The weather is suppose to be nice, it's a long holiday weekend, and most people are out of school.  So, I'm wondering if people will try to take advantage of it to look at houses.  I sure hope so!  :D

Ok, for real.  Off I go!  Lunch and back to work!

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Where is the Silver Lining?

So, that last post was a bit depressing.  A lot depressing.  I finished up and sent the hubby the numbers.  Seeing it in black and white, he finally got it.  I feel bad because now he feels defeated.  He feels like taking the job that was suppose to be the beginning of our new start was a bad idea and now we are stuck.  I feel somewhat the same, but there's not much we can do about it at this point.  It being his first titled job, we're going to have to stick it out for the 'experience'.  I still think it's a good job -- they treat him well.  We just have to find some way to make the money work.  I'm going to work on the numbers here in a bit and see if there are any tweaks we can make at all.

I think another reason why I feel down is because I don't have much support here.  Hubby's family is zero help and now my family is questioning going.  On top of that, not much friend support because I don't have but one or two friends here.  Then there are people like... *Katrina.  She pretends to be my friend, but in reality just loves to be snarky and stomp all over me.  Like when she wrote wanting to know why our house hadn't sold stating that the house beside her sold in 3 days for 180k.  Well, that's great!  But... they are two different houses.  For one, mine is a split foyer, so two stories.  Another is mine is fully re-done.  I acted all optimistic and then she went on to say, "any comments on color?"  I said no.  She said "well, most people want something more neutral".  Well, gee Miss, I dress like garbage, look like an old lady trying to look young in my yoga pants, tee, and outdated sandals, and live in a vanilla box, NO.  Not a single comment in the feedback has had a single thing to say about the paint.  I commented.  "LOL  Most people with common sense realize they can change paint."  She didn't have much to say about that.  HA.  Good.  I'm not sorry I don't fit her vanilla box.  I like vanilla because it's a plain canvas that can be left alone or dressed up.  But I wouldn't want to live it all the time.  I always have to throw on some sprinkles!

Anyways, that seems to be an issue here with people.  They can't stand people who aren't like them.  I keep thinking what is the deal?  I can handle some honesty.  If she had said, well, have you thought about making the paint more neutral to appeal to more buyers, that would've been fine.  But she posted it in a hateful way by comparing our house to another house that's in a different subdivision, has a completely different floorplan, yard, and square footage.  Just shitty.  I wish I could say that I felt like I'm over reacting or being too sensitive, but other people have mentioned this to me about her.  I've continued to tolerate it simply because our kiddos are friends.  It's been hard when she's made comments previously like, "It must be so sad for you that your kid isn't good at sports."  Yeah... she's one of THOSE women.  I'm done with  her.  She might as well not even talk to me.  She's already found a reason not to allow her kid to come to my kid's birthday party even though I took mine to hers and gave him a nice gift.  I have a feeling no matter when it was, she would find a reason for him not to come and to not buy a gift.  She's just like that.

I don't get the people here.  I guess it's partly my fault for allowing these people in my life.  But it's harder when you have kids and your kids are friends with their kids.  Which has been the case with these two women.  The other women I've met we've just not really bonded.  No hurt feelings but for sure nothing really close.  But these two have taken the cake.  I like honesty, but I don't care for snarky people who want to try to make you feel inferior.  And that's what both of these have in common.  It is, however, my fault for letting them get to me so much.  It's my fault for letting them destroy my confidence.  Because that is what it boils down to.  The first because I let her hateful beliefs that her way of eating and working out was the only way.  Even though I KNEW I had already done the moderation thing and lost 50 and kept it off!  This one because for one blink, I've let her idea of how MY home sale should go eat at me and upset me.  Even though I've done this before, too!  That's why I think it's my fault.  I should know better than to let two women who are so mired in their own narrow thoughts, get into my head.  They are allowed their own thoughts and beliefs, but I shouldn't have let either of their opinions eat at me the way I have.  I've lost a year of progress.  I guess the old saying of sticks and stones just isn't true.  Sometimes negative words, said at the wrong time, can do a whole lot of damage.  I try to remember that.  I'm not sure how well I do.  But I sure hope I haven't crushed anyone's hope and confidence the way mine has been since moving here.  This place has been my first experiences with that type of people.  I hope to be more discerning in the future. 

On a good note, I cleaned all of the glass downstairs.  Both sides of the TV cabinets, both big family room windows, both sides of the office french door, and then the huge window in the office.  I even took that one completely apart and cleaned the track and weep holes.  I didn't realize how dirty it was!  I also caulked the top and bottom part of the fireplace insert.  I need to do the sides eventually.  I also drilled the holes for the knobs for the bi-fold doors.  I went ahead and put the office one on since it will be a while before we do anything else in there.  I should be painting, but instead I'm on here venting trying to let go of some stress.  I've done other things and come back and forth.  Eventually I hope I can get this out of my damn system!  I hope I can vent here and then do something physical and feel... at least somewhat balanced.





* Name changed.

No News... isn't always good

Yeah... that whole, "No news is good news" is bullshit.  No news is just annoying.  :/  And that is where we are right now.  I thought moving the last time sucked, but this is sucking harder.  UGH.

As you may have guessed, things on the house front are not going too well.  We had our second walk through, but the couple passed.  No clue why.  I asked our realtor, and I hope she got some sort of feedback.  If not, well, we just won't know.  And usually, that is how it goes so I'm not upset.  But I had REALLY hoped for an offer.  On top of that, we had to fire our FL realtors.  They just weren't getting the job done.  They weren't listening.  And as a result, we didn't get the house there.  Mostly because by the end, we didn't trust what they were saying so we've just had to walk away.

So, now we are back at square one.  We're still living apart.  We're still in this house.  We still have no where to go.  And now whether I want to or not, I'm a wee bit panicked about if this house doesn't sell, what are we going to do.  Hubby refuses to really talk it over in a rational manner at this point.  Which is super frustrating to me and just ends up making me angry.  He keeps saying we will just refinance and then buy a cheaper transition place down there.  But on his current pay, that just isn't an option now.  We just can't afford it.  Not even with a refinance.  Maybe if we sold our car and got something cheaper or paid it off.  But right now, I'm not interested in paying any more debt off.  I'm just trying to get by.  I want to make sure all the regular bills are paid.  And so far, so good.  I'm getting better and better at the lower budget.  I'm making it a point.  I need to double check our spending for this month, but I think I've gotten us back on point this week.  I was very careful this last time and didn't spend any extra.  I think I kept it in check enough that I balanced out the first half of slight over spending. 

Anyways, his lack of wanting to deal with the situation is bugging me.  He just isn't getting that our budget is on the tight side.  I don't regret the change.  But the reality is that our budget is almost half of what it use to be and we have to ALL accept that.  We just don't have the money to spend willy nilly.  We have savings right now, but if we go over every week and every month, that will be eaten up pretty darn quick.  And we don't want that.  I'm thinking if the house doesn't sell, we can refinance, but I think our best option would be to take the house back off of the market and stay.  Will it be hard?  Yes.  But I'm not willing to just keep this running and be forced to drop the price to a crazy low amount.  We can't do that.  We've put too much into it.  So, I guess we don't get a good offer by August, I think we should pull it and refinance.  It will be hard to live apart, but we will just have to do it.  I worry it will ruin our marriage.  That is my big fear.  I know military families do it all the time.  But as an ex military family, we also know the divorce rate is VERY high....

I just don't see any other options that are realistic.  I did tell him we could leave this one on the market, move down into something cheaper, and I would go back to work.  But it would have to be a rental because no one is going to give us a loan even with a refinance.  Which means not only do I need to get rid of a lot of 'things', but I will have to re-home our pets.  We've tried before.... I don't know that we will be able to.  So, that's an issue, finding a rental is an issue.  ETC.  ALL. ISSUES.  Really, him staying where he is, is our cheapest and easiest option.  Yes, it's an extra $500/mo, but that's cheaper than anything that we could rent for all of us.  Plus, that includes all of his utilities.  That is already a huge drain on our finances.  We are already dipping into savings by about $300/mo.  It's hard.  I don't think he gets it.  It was nice his check was slightly larger than we had budgeted for, but only by about $50/check.  Which will be eaten up by insurance once that is added.  But at that amount, we are still short the $150 every two weeks.  I'd say all together, we're short $500/mo.  By the end of Summer (June, July and into August), that will be $1500 from our savings.  :/   I think I will put the budget on One Note for him to see and go from there.  Maybe once he sees it, he will get a better idea of what the issues are.  I know he is anxious to work some overtime but wanted to ease into it.  He's use to working longer hours, so the short schedule, especially with us not there, has been making him restless.  I told him not to go crazy.  He said he just wanted to add an hour or two to his 8 a day.  Nothing huge.  I said that was fine as long as it was fine with his work.  The overtime would help tons and keep us from having to eat into our savings so much. 

All in all, on the house/finance front, nothing good really.  I shouldn't say that.  We are afloat right now so I guess that is good.  I have outside sources bringing in a lot of negativity and I'm trying to deal with that, but it's hard. 

Geez.  Just realized how long this is and how negative.  Guess it's time to bring it to and end.

Saturday, May 16, 2015

Happenings

It's been a bit of an exciting couple of days.  Why?  Well, we officially decided to put in an offer on the stone house.  It's contingent on inspection and the sell of our house, but the offer is in and should be presented Monday.  The home is a foreclosure, so they can't present it until business hours.  I'm thinking we should hear end of next week.  Everyone is kind of... not super happy?  I realize that the house is another fixer.  But... after looking I'm just not a fan of the newer homes.  The more I look at this house, the more I love it.  It has a fantastic yard.  A nice large pool.  HUGE garage with a side yard that could be a run or another garage for a boat or whatever.  And it has a nice separated layout.  AKA, bedrooms are completely separate from the living space.  Except for what will eventually be our guest room.  Since we've never gotten many guests, it will really be more like an office/study.  It's at the front of the house and will be perfect for if Michael needs to work at home.  The entire home is stone.  I would eventually like to change the roof over to metal, but for now it's fine. 

Will it be some work?  Yes.  For one, I want to reconfigure the closets for the boys.  One room has two closets and the one is super deep.  It's odd.  So, I would like to actually leave that one the length of the room, but only 2ft. deep instead of the 3 or 4 it is now.  Mostly because behind that wall is 3 more closets that I would like to combine to make into a small laundry room.  The laundry is currently in the garage on the VERY FAR SIDE of the house!  So, we would like to remove most of the walls, insulate, and put them there.  There are already drains and water lines there for the hot water heater.  :D  With the other closet that is in that room, I would like to open it to the other bedroom giving it a full wall closet, too.  It just makes more sense.  Yes, it is some drywall work, but we can do that.  I will probably pay to have someone come in and do the finish because I hate it!  Eventually, I would like to re-do the master bath.  It's usable for now.  But eventually I'd like the toilet to be more private and to have a tub.  One entire wall is a HUGE vanity.  So large, it looks like it should be in a public restroom!  I don't need nor do I want one that large, so if that were downsized by half, the other changes would be possible.  :)  The big changes will be to the middle of the house.  I KNOW it's a lot of work.  I'm aware.  But I'm also willing to get help this time.  I know we got some last time, but it wasn't worth it.  This time, I'm thinking of talking to another designer and getting help that way.  We can do a LOT of the demo.  We can do a lot of the building.  But I would really like some help on the finishing.  Especially the ones like drywall.  I can do it.  I'm pretty good a it.  But I hate it!  It's so time consuming!  And MESSY.  We will see... the budget is going to be tight, so... we may end up doing it all again.  LOL  I guess we will see.  I just know I want storage areas and bedrooms done first.  Thankfully, the boys rooms, like I said, don't need much.  :D  Even the main part of our room won't need much.  It should be interesting! 

The waiting is going to be the hard part.  I hate the waiting. 

But now I am glad that we put the offer in.  Because last night the realtor requested a second viewing.  Then wrote this morning to ask how fast we could be out if we got an offer.  That sounds very promising!  I'm not going to get TOO excited until we have something in hand.  After all, it could be a crappy offer.  It could be crazy low.  Or have a weird contingency.  Who knows?  But it's still promising.  LOL  I'm still a wee bit excited!

All in all, it's been a good couple of days.  I repaired the towel bar, did some laundry, vacuumed, and finished up that box of papers in the office.  I have a bit more to do down there, but I've made great progress.  Just getting the papers in order makes me SO much happier and feel relieved.  I need to make a few more files, finish shredding (my shredder overheated!  And then go through some books.  Once that is done, then it will be another thing off of my very long list.  Which I need to review.  Although, some of these things were on my mind, just not on my list.  Like, cleaning out the lower left side of the pantry. I purged a few things and cleaned it all.  Made me happy!  Like I've said before, I know there will be a lot thrown out when we actually pack up, but for now, I'm trying to just let go of old/expired items.  I know that the expiration date is usually a best by date, but if I KNOW I haven't used it and I won't be using it, it's time to let it go.  Thankfully, it's not been much.  I've been doing ok with the using up things.  I hope I can keep that up for a while longer.  I enjoy it!  My wallet does, too. 

I guess that is all for now.  I need to pull out the old 'To Do' list and revise it.  Then I need to knock out some cleaning.  Then it's time with the kiddo.  Oldest kiddo is out with friends for the day!  Busy busy.  Better than sitting and doing nothing, I guess!  Until later!

Friday, May 15, 2015

Hello

Hello dear friends!  Well, if there ARE any friends out there reading this.  It's a ghost town here these days.  Anyways, what has been going on?  Lots of school wrap up!  That's really all.  Between field days, parties, cleaning out and tons of other stuff, it seems like the entire last week has focused on that and that alone. 

I'm still working on the pantry/freezer challenge and it's been going well.  As I mentioned in the other post, I DID end up having to get a few things like mini pancakes and chicken nuggets from the store, but that was beginning of last week.  I'm hoping to make it another week before I have to go, but I don't think that will happen.  We are low on strawberries and milk.  But I'm hoping to stretch it out until at least Tuesday since it is Friday now.  We will see.  I'm working hard on getting the grocery budget down to work with our new income.  We did, however, get some good news.  Hubby's first real check came through and it was better than we thought it was going to be.  But I am going to keep the budget where it is because there are still a few tweaks he needs to do like change life insurance and up retirement.  He already checked the life insurance and I believe that was around $20.  That leaves $30 to go to retirement a week.  I have zero in retirement and at this point, I'm not sure what to do about that without going back to work.  Hubby has a good amount.  Yes, we're married, but I should have my own, too.  I just haven't worked that out.  We have decided that is something we need to put a focus on when we get settled because it's important.  But with the change in jobs and pay, comes a change in all of our other things.  So, we're going to have to reorganize and get it together once we get everything in place with the new place. 

Speaking of 'new places', we have decided to put an offer in on one of the houses.  I've not seen it.  Only photos and video.  But hubby feels good about it, so we are probably going to go for it.  I'm pretty sure that sounds crazy.  LOL  I'm not totally convinced, but at this point I'm thinking it is our best offer.  We are making it contingent on inspection and on the sale of our home.  And we are asking for closing costs.  It's a foreclosure that has sad for a bit, so I don't know what the odds are of it working out.  I know they won't do any repairs caught on the inspection, but we just want to know the extent of issues before we get into it, ya know?  If it's more than we think we can handle, we would like the option to walk away.  We will see how it all works out!

We still haven't sold our place, though.  It's a concern but I'm not freaking too much because it's the end of the school year.  We've been so nutty, I can't imagine how other people are wrapping things up.  I've been trying to see the slowness as a blessing.  LOL  It really has been!  Especially on days that have been so packed with activities that I haven't been able to clean the house to 'show' levels.  I have been staying busy and doing things here and there.  I've been getting things ready for birthdays, I managed to get through one entire basket of papers.  I shredded and recycled so much!  HUGE improvement already in there.  Maybe I should work on that again later?  I'm not sure. 

I think that is all other than still no improvement in diet and exercise.  But at this point, my back is hurting so much and so often that I'm miserable.  Add that to sinus issues.... and UGH.  But it is what it is and I don't think there is much I can do.  Most days I feel I am doing good just to get through, ya know?  I know I should make myself a priority.  I know that it's important.  I just... I don't know.  I told my friend the other day that when I had the fall out with the neighbor over the whole her way of 'clean eating' being the only way, I let it get to me.  I let it eat at me and break down my confidence.  I knew what I had already been doing was working.  I had already lost over 50lbs.  I knew that a mostly healthy diet with some treats in there was the way to do it.  I knew just moderate working out was all I needed.  But I let her silly words eat at me and destroy my confidence.  Even if I knew what she said wasn't true.  Hell, she didn't even follow her own thing!  Photos of her online prove it.  Her other friends called her out on it.  She's still friends with them.  Just not with me.  At least they were when we were still connected on FB.  She deleted me and hubby deleted her.  She was still trying to be friendly with him but he felt that if she couldn't be nice to all of us, then what was the point.  I told him his choice -- they could remain friends.  He just said no.  In a way, I think that was sweet of him.

Anyways, I let her silly words get to me and even though I've been TRYING to let it go and move on, I've still felt angry over it.  And now I know why... because in my heart, I took her words to be true and gave up on what I was doing and I know worked for me.  Even though my head knows differently, her words and her harshness of throwing what I thought was a friendship away, ate at me.  Making me carry this stupid grudge because I am ANGRY.  And writing that out, I realize I'm not just angry at her.  I'm angry at myself.  How do you let go and move on?  I guess I somehow have to.  I thought I could before but randomly it rears it's ugly head.  And then the cycle begins over again of feeling angry and upset. 

Since I'm not sure what to do or how to deal with it all, I think I'm going to get off of here and get going on something.  Sometimes being busy helps my brain to deal and for once, today isn't busy.  No showings, no school stuff, and nothing planned.  So, I have the entire day to do whatever I like.  And as I've mentioned, my list is always got something on it!  LOL  Off I go!  Until later.