Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Progress not Perfection

I'm having one of those days.  The kind of day where you are thinking about everything and realize that some things are beyond your control, but other things are exactly in your control and you really should do something about it.  That's how I feel right now.  I guess that has been my feeling a lot here lately.  Normally I'm all a 'progress not perfection' type of gal but once in a while, I have a low.  And I start thinking, why aren't I more?  Why haven't I done more?  I SHOULD do more.  But I'm not having that right now.  Right now, I'm in the mindset of progress.  I feel like every step is progress.  I've had a couple of 'bad' days which were really more like bad mood days.  Which were really more of overwhelmed days.  I know that is the result of over-doing and over-thinking.  So, I've been trying harder to remind myself that doing a little each day, making progress when I can, is better than nothing.  I've also been trying to work harder on keeping the day to day manageable.  Like right now, the front of the house is wrecked, but it's because we've been working on the kitchen.  BUT, the bathroom is usable and straight and laundry is done.  Bedrooms are picked up and good.  Best of all, my cabinet frames are well on their way to being done!  I need to take today to get a few things back in order, but at least the majority of the cabinet frames are going in.  The only ones not ready are going to be the pantry ones.  We just flat out ran out of time.  :(  We MAY be able to get one back in today if I can force myself off the couch.  I'm just so tired and sore today.  After days of heavy lifting, detail and exhaustive labor, I'm a bit worn and need a break.  But if we can at least get the other cabinets in (and I can get them wiped down), then we can clear off the island and other areas.  I may be able to get at least one pantry in.  I don't really want to paint it in place.  I just know a kid or animal will rub against it.  UGH.  So... maybe that won't get done today. 

Back on point, one of our bigger projects is underway and things are getting done slowly but surely.  We knew it wouldn't be a quick project to do the kitchen.  We've had ups and downs, but it's on it's way.  Another thing off the list is the hubby replaced one of the lights downstairs from a fluorescent (that burned out ALL THE TIME even with the 7+yr. bulbs at $10 a piece!) to an LED recessed one.  One more to go!  I already love the way they look and work better.  I just couldn't afford to keep replacing bulbs all the time at $10 a pop.  A whole new fixture plus the LED bulb was around $30.  I hated to do that, but we've already wasted $50 at this point or more.  No thank you!  Won't do THAT again.  OH!  And the painter's are here finishing the outside.  We could've done it, but I am just out of time and patience for some things.  Just not worth it right now.  If we didn't get it done now, not sure when it would get done.  And I'm ready for it to be done.  It's the one area I feel like we constantly slack because it needs non-stop mowing, weeding, cleaning... Working in painting it around the hubb's schedule and the weather just wasn't working.  So, I'm glad we have chosen to just hire it out.  I may end up hiring out a few other painting jobs if we don't get them done.  Well, depending on how this one comes out.  Hopefully good!

On another note, and what I talk about a lot on here since it originally started out as a way to talk about weight loss, my weight is doing well.  Monday, I saw 176 and thought it was a fluke so I didn't take it.  I weighed again today just to see and saw 175.5.  So... I'm pretty pleased with that.  My cals have been a bit over 1600 the last few days with all of the extra work.  I kept my meals around my usual 400, but had extra snacks if my body told me it needed them.  With that many calories being burned working non-stop, I felt like I would do myself no good to try to stay under.  I'm glad I listened!  I'm trying not to focus too much on the number on the scale and just doing what I need to do and watching my food.  I hope the rest falls in place.  But I do admit that with only about 4 weeks left until Fall, I am somewhat hopeful that I will meet my goal of being in the 160's this Summer.  Silly, I know, but still.  I'd really like to do it.  I'm going to give it a good go!  What do I have to lose but some more weight?  6lbs. to be exact.  LOL  10lbs. isn't reasonable, but I think 6 over the next few weeks is.  We will see!

Well, going to get off of here.  For some reason, I feel like lately I have a hard time writing.  But I don't want to give it up.  I want to keep going and hope the funk passes.  Hopefully I'm not boring you guys too terribly much!  Off I go!



Friday, August 15, 2014

Hate it

I hate it when days start off like this and this is day TWO of shitty beginnings.  Granted, in the long run, yesterday turned out productive and I got some much needed soak time in the tub.  But today I am just pissed off.  Yesterday, it started off rough, but I wasn't pissy.  The husband was.  Today, I'm pissy because he got up and left without telling me.  I found a random piece of paper that said, "I love you" on it, but that was it.  I messaged and messaged to no avail so not only was I angry, but then worried.  He finally texted OVER AN HOUR LATER and I'm right back to angry.  He said he was golfing and thought I knew.  Uh... NO.  If  you don't tell me, I don't know.  The last he had mentioned it he had said he wasn't going to go.  Then when I got up this morning when he was up with the kiddo for school, he never mentioned it and wasn't dressed for it.  I just stumbled back to bed.  If the rolls were reversed, he'd be MAD. 

Other than being super annoyed, I don't have much else to talk about.  I haven't been exercising, but I've been working on the house and my cals have continued to be good even with our one meal out.  Yup.  ONLY ONE!  Getting back in the habit of not eating out so much.  At least I am.  Anyways, we had Japanese and I got hibachi scallops.  Super easy to eat well with that.  I ate the scallops, almost 3 cups of veggies, very little of the rice, and a bowl of miso soup.  My drink was hot tea.  Crap.  Just remembered I forgot to go back and add the honey.  I didn't use much as I don't need green tea very sweet at all.  I'll do that in a minute!  Anyways, the scale hasn't moved, but I'm not sure when to expect a move.  My cycle still hasn't started and I'm feeling stressed so who knows.  Last week was pretty high with travel and all that so I'm just sitting still.  But since I'm not finding the 1200 to 1400 cals so hard, I may stay here for a bit.  On really active/busy days I will probably eat closer to the 1600 or even go over.  Yesterday was 1600 because I did so much work and was so hungry.  Maybe even a bit over because wings are hard to calculate. 

All in all, things are just the same right now.  And this work isn't going to do itself.  So, I guess I am going to get off of here and either do some work or read a book.  Whatever suits my fancy.  I really should work but I can't haul these cabinets down by myself.  I got the pantry cleaned out and we carried it down and I cleaned, sanded, wiped, and primed it yesterday.  Along with almost all of the other bottom cabinets.  I have the sink base face to do and the other huge pantry and then we are ready to get down to real business.  But I can't do it alone.  So, I'm going to sit here and grumble and decide what to do now. 

Monday, August 11, 2014

Procrastinating.

Yeah.  I'm procrastinating.  SO WHAT?  LOL  I should be up and working on the house.  Especially the downstairs.  It's not been cleaned since before our fast and furious trip.  So.... it's a bit hairy.  YUCK.  So, it needs a pick up and vacuum.  I have also been thinking it is time to purge the office.  And pack up as much of it as I can.  I'd also like to purge the storage room under the stairs and ONLY have our luggage stuff under there for easy access.  Because right now, our memories box, a chandelier, and a few other odds and ends are under there just taking up space.  I'd like to get that and maybe the attic done soon.  Less here is less to do later.  Not to mention, less underfoot makes it a bit easier to get things done.  And right now, it's not like I can do much else.  I would like to work in the kitchen, but just not gonna happen right now.  Too wet and yucky out to do too much of that kind of stuff.  The air is just... humid and thick.  I probably could sand... I think I'll wait.  I originally didn't want to take all of the cabinets out and do that, but the more I think on it, the better an idea I think it is.  Hubby disagrees.  He says plumbing and all that will have to come out.  I disagree.  That is the ONE cabinet I think could stay.  We'll see how it goes.  The weather is 'suppose' to be better over the next week and I think that would be a better time to do that.  Just have to keep an eye out.

I said I would weigh in today, and I did.  179.5  I'm not 100% happy with that, but it's better than seeing the 180's.  But it isn't the 160's.  But the reality is, I've not put in the work lately to get to the 160's.  I slacked off too much this Summer and let too many things break my plans.  Yes, I know some was out of my power, but my reactions to it could've been better.  And a cheat day once in a while is fine, but I had too many.  I am pleased I have at least learned enough to maintain.  But it sure wasn't enough to lose.  I'm on it now.  The 7 day is going to be hard, mostly because hubby is off, but I am going to make a concentrated effort.  I'm going to try really really hard to lay off the heavy eating for a bit.  I was doing a high day once a week before... but I think to get back on track I need to cut that back to only once or twice a month -- and for days we go out to eat since that is so much more difficult to be accurate.  The bonus to this is we need to keep eating the food we have in our pantry/freezer.  And pay off more debt.  Looking at it that way helps me!  LOL

I'm not sure if I should even mention a timeline... I seem to never do well with those.  But I'm going to work hard to reach the 160's.  It was my goal to be there this Summer.  Summer is almost over.  The first day of fall is Sept. 23.  That's 6 weeks away.  My average is only about 1lb. per week when I'm on my game.  I know I have a couple of stall out weeks on average -- usually ovulation or my period.  But if I can stay on track, I am hopeful to reach the 160's.  Even if it is only 169.  But I refuse to kill myself to get there.  I just want to get on track and be moving closer to my goals.  Maybe I should focus on some other goals other than just the weight... Like getting back into a good riding time and doing my pilates again.  I like weights, but I just can't seem to get into them right now.  I think I need to strengthen some other muscle groups like my lower back.  And get my form better.  I did do some kind of core strength test and I passed it with flying colors.  So, I don't think my core is my issue, although I want to keep that up.  I really think it's my back-side muscles.

Yeah... I'm hoping that 179.5 is still a false high.  Just looked at the calendar while figuring up when Fall officially started and realized I should be starting my cycle any time.  I knew it in the back of my head, but didn't factor it.  So, it would be nice if I had a lower number in about 5 days!  LOL  I hope to have a lower number anyways.  I've been eating closer to 1400 the last couple of days mostly because I've not been super active, plus like I said I had wanted to balance out the couple of days we were out of town.  I only had one day that I couldn't remember what all I ate.  But I would say that I was still around the same as the other days.  Maybe I'll play out this 1400 for a bit and see how I do.  I guess I'll base it on how I feel and how the numbers play out. 

Well, I should probably bring this to an end and get to work.  The downstairs isn't going to clean itself, and I need to get SOMETHING done to not feel like the day was wasted.  Although now, I should probably have lunch so I don't have to stop and do that soon.  Maybe I will go through and do a quick look through and then have lunch.  Off I go!

Saturday, August 9, 2014

Wasn't going to

I wasn't going to write tonight, but after some debate with myself, I finally decided that I might as well.  Maybe it would help me to rest.  Maybe I would feel... relaxed.  Because so far, that's not happening.  Wonder if it was the tea?  Nah.  Probably just have a LOT on my mind. 

Mostly, my hubby's Grandma passed away.  We had to rush out of town after a day of rushed prep.  It probably would be easier if we had any help, but we didn't have much.  The couple of people we rely on occasionally ended up having some of their own tragedy, or their own work going on so we ended up just making due and it really was for the best.  I won't get into their drama for it is their own.  Anyways, we took the kiddos with us this time.  They did so well and I'm so proud of them.  But it was a rough few days.  Sunday was a scramble to pull things together -- thank goodness for our friend/pet sitter/house sitter pulling through or we would've REALLY been in a mess.  But it worked out and we got on the road.  We were there two days and on the third day we headed home and stopped in at Kentucky Splash for the day to enjoy our last few days of Summer as a fam.  It started out rough, but we decided to stick it out and make the best of it.  That has been our motto lately -- try to make the best of a bad/sad situation.  And even the wake/funeral was that way.  There were tears, but there were also a lot of good memories.  It was wonderful hearing them since the hubbs hasn't gotten to see that part of the family until the last several years.  So, he has missed out on some of them until then.  I am still somewhat confused on his reaction which has been that of non-reaction.  It's really not like him and I don't really know what to think.  I have asked him 100 times if he is ok and he says he's fine.  But he doesn't 'feel' fine.  It's hard to explain.  We are normally so in sync and lately... not so much.  I think he is overwhelmed with everything.  I have no other explanation but I hope he will talk to me soon.  I don't want to push him -- I feel he just needs time.

Anyways, over all, it was a trip for a bad reason, but turned out fine.  My eating was horrible, I'm sure, even though I tried.  I didn't track it... especially the day of the funeral.  Food was provided which I thought was amazing.  But I had no idea what most of it was.  So, just no tracking.  I probably could've tried, but I didn't.  I started to the day after since I did the day before and I could, at this point, still write it down.  But I know it was high.  Is it an excuse?  Yeah.  But I don't feel bad about it.  I'm not going to dwell.  Right back to business.  I know I didn't make perfect decisions, but I also know that I didn't do as bad as I could've.  I am probably beating myself up over eating at maintenance if you want to know the truth.  I did weigh-in tonight at 182.5, but that was at night.  And today was a busy day of errands, lots of walking, and certainly not enough water.  I will check again in a day or two to see where I am at.  Since it is Friday, that will probably be Sunday or Monday.  I went a bit over in cals today finishing off some leftovers, but nothing serious -- 172.  I am thinking of lowering my cals a bit over the next few days.  Normally I wouldn't do that -- normally I would say just get right back to it and move on.  But... I was making slow progress before and I feel like if I drop right now, just a few hundred for a few days, I'll get back on track numbers wise and my average will be where it should be.

Ok, I decided to go back and write down everything I could remember.  I know I'm missing a snack in there, but I can't remember for the life of me what it was.  Anyways, I got most of it down and I was under 2500 for Weds and Thurs.  Give or take anything I missed or mis-added.  Overall, I feel pretty good about that!  That's less than 2000 over for the week and if I go with my plan to reduce a bit lower than normal over the next few days, it should all balance out over the course of the week.  Supposedly to maintain I need about 2000, so really that's closer to 1000 over for the week.  If I cut back just a bit each day over the next week or so, I should be back on track.  :)

Got to see my oldest kiddos new school today.  I'm a bit bummed that he is in one of the additions, but it can't be helped.  The area is just growing too fast.  But his teacher seemed nice, if a bit flighty.  Hopefully it will work out and it will be a good year.

Now, now I don't know what to do with my weekend and next week.  One part of me feels burned out and like this weekend should be some time off.  The rest of me says I should get right back to work.  But I feel so... stilted.  Stiff.  Stuck.  Does that make sense?  I guess I should just play it by ear and see how the week feels and go from there.  I'm going to go for now and try to relax a little then hit the bed.  I'm tired now but need to let my heartburn meds kick in before laying down.  I'll catch up on blogs over the next few days.

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Why I'm still annoyed.

It just hit me, that the reason why so many things that I SHOULD be over are still annoying me is because I have so few other distractions.  And by distractions, I mean a life.  I don't have very many friends here.  While I do have friends, we are spread all out and I don't have an active social life here.  As a result, I think that is why when things bug me or hurt me, I dwell on them and remain annoyed much longer than I should.  I mean, really, I need to get over it and not let it still grate on my nerves!  But it's still rubbing me raw and I can't seem to stop feeling the way I do or stop talking about it with the friends I do have.  How do you move on?  WHY is it that this one particular thing is driving me so bonkers?  I can't put my finger on it.

It's not like I don't have things to do.  I feel like I'm always doing things.  I'm busy with the kids, talking to friends and family, normal house stuff, projects... but not a lot of adult face to face interaction.  Maybe that is it.  But I've tried here.  I've covered this topic to death.  I just don't click here.  And I know that sounds lame, but it's true.  Poor Didi knows how I feel -- she's had the same issue and it's why she is now finally moving.  We plan on moving, too, but we know we have to wait until some other things come into play.  Anyways, I'm just not sure how to stay busier.  I'm on here, FB, MFP and then all my other IRL stuff.  But somehow, it's not blocking it out and I'm not moving on from it.  It's not like I can address it at this point because since I had thought I was going to just move on and let it go, I never addressed it with the person.  Too much time has passed now and well... it's silly to still be upset!  Maybe I should just make it a point to not talk about it AT ALL.  Maybe that is my issue.  If I'm going to let it go, I should LET IT GO.

UGH.

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

This is gonna hurt...

PHEW!  I am TIRED.  T.I.R.E.D.  TIRED.  Yup.  But it's been a good day, even if it wasn't what we planned.  We had planned on working on the kitchen today and knocking out a big chunk, but nothing was going right.  It just didn't work out.  I mean, I did get a few things done like the stuff moved, the hinges and old stops taken off, drawers pulled out and all the frames cleaned.  Sanding, however, just went horribly wrong.  It's awful and uneven and I don't even KNOW what went wrong, but it's wrong.  Very wrong.

So, I put that down and decided to do other things.  I ended up cleaning out a section of the garage and swept the one side that was getting really yucky.  I went through the wood pieces and organized those a bit.  I cleaned out the cat garage and the litter boxes in it.  I took down and sorted all the laundry and washed 3 or 4 loads.  I got the island cleaned off.  I put away the mound of clothing that had gathered at the foot of my bed over the last couple of weeks on my bench plus the shoes.  Then I wandered outside and cleaned the dog run.  I was feeling so much better being outside that I decided to pick up all of the flagstones and move them to the fire pit area.  I got that done and we decided to clean up along the carport.  I threw away a few things, gave some garden edging away to a neighbor that we were NEVER going to use.  Moved the drain line up to it's soon to be new home.  Then we moved all of the step down area's flag stones, put down fresh weed barrier, and started putting the stones back.  I also was able to remove one spot of old concrete that has been bugging me for forever and a day.  Although, there is another spot or two left to remove.  We didn't finish everything, but at least it is started.  All-in-all, it was a really good day!  I mean, we got a LOT done.  It may not have been what we expected or wanted, but they are the things that needed to be done and now they are. But the truth is, tomorrow I am going to HURT from all of this!  LOL

I'm just glad we made the best of the day even when things weren't going right.  No idea what tomorrow is going to be and hubby starts back on shift.  Fun stuff.  Still no word from our painter and still no word on any jobs even though we've managed to find a head hunter down there and have received tons of calls.  I WILL BE PATIENT.  I just keep repeating that to myself.  Because I need to be.

OH!  On the note of moving, we managed to get a full trailer load taken to the storage unit on Monday.  All of the odds and ends pieces went that were either sitting in an office, up against the wall, or were just extra pieces.  Monday, here, was the 'hottest' day of the Summer, but we were fine.  I guess if we hadn't had things in place and it had taken longer, it would have been worse.  But it wasn't bad at all.  We hauled all of that and got back quickly.  Straightened up the carport a bit and the garage (which is what I finished up today), and then went for froyo.  We got home and the weather looked... ominous.  So, the Flex went in the garage for safe keeping.  Thankfully, the worst of the weather missed us, but we were prepared anyways.  It did end up being a long night since all the thunder kept the kiddos up.  I am just grateful that we are all safe and sound.  Maybe that's why other things didn't go well today?  I needed to finish what I had started yesterday!  LOL  And I did.  :)

OH OH!  I also found a new page on FB to list some furniture, so I am hoping that I get a few more things sold and get the REST of my garage cleaned out!

Man, I really HAVE been super busy!  I guess it's time for me to relax now and then get to bed at a decent hour (ha!).  Hope everyone out there is doing great!

Saturday, July 26, 2014

Worth it!

Ahhh!  The chairs were worth it!  And very soon, the other chairs go to their new homes!  SO PLEASED!  These chairs are decent quality.  One is a Lazy Boy!  So, I'm a happy lady.  They ARE bigger than I expected, but strangely, that has worked out, too.  The living room looks so much larger for some reason.  I'm not even really sure why!  The kiddos weren't happy at first, but once they lounged in them, they were pretty pleased to have some easy places to sit and relax.  So now we have good places to sit with and without company and the colors go with what is here, so it should be good for staging.  PLUS, I only spent $100 on two!  The nice guy who sold them to us said his house sold quickly and he wasn't willing to move all of his stuff again because he had only recently moved back.  You see, the house had been on the market for two years with no hits.  He moved back and BAM!  Five people came at once to see it and it sold.  I can't say I blame him -- I would be downsizing too!  Happy lady here!  HAPPY!  :D

Other than that, and a quick workout, not much was accomplished on this end.  Well, the cleaning required to put the new pieces in the living room.  lol  But other than that... it has been a quiet day.  Not sure what that will mean for the coming days.  I know we have a lot to do, but I don't want to stress.  I would really like to enjoy what we have left of Summer.  Unreal to me that it is almost over and that at my OLD school, they are already back in session because they are year round.  Not sure how I really feel on that, truth be told.  Kids are only kids for so long...  seems like these days, they are pushing kids so hard that school is like a job.  I honestly feel like that constant pushing is why scores have dropped instead of improving.  They need more play, downtime, and sunshine and less forcing of doing 500 extracurricular activities and hours of homework.  There has got to be something better.  I just don't know what it is. 

Yeah... rambly post tonight... I guess I am at a loss as to what to REALLY write about since it was a boring day and nothing important happened.  So, this is all!  Good night, friends!