Hard... and hardly worth it

I am starting to get annoyed.  I am STILL at 205.5!  I just don't get it.  I've been bouncing around 206 to 205 now for 9 friggin' days!  I've gone over and over my food journal, and I cannot for the life of me figure out what I am doing wrong.  I've only gone over 40g. of carbs once and my cals 2 times (not for the diet, but according to the cals to maintain my weight calculator).  One of those was a busy day so I felt like I was ok on the cals.  Because they weren't crazy over, just a little.  And when we're doing that much, I sometimes get hungrier.  I don't feel as bad as I thought I would now that I am reviewing because I am down 5lbs. for the month.  And seeing as how I didn't crack down until the second week of March, I guess that is pretty good.  I lost 2 in January and 4 in February and then my 5 in March to total my 11lbs.  But dang, 3 months to lose 11lbs. is annoying!!!  I was hoping for closer to 8.  BUT, 5 is good.  5lbs. is no longer on my butt.  11lbs. is gone from my body and hopefully it will pick up.  I am just frustrated because I thought for SURE I would hit 8lbs. this month to make a total of 14.  I know it's only 3lbs. but geez.  I've just been working SO hard it almost feels like it's hardly worth it!!!

I worry that I may be somewhat depressed and I don't even know it.  I HAVE been feeling down more than normal, but I think a LARGE part of that is this darn rainy weather.  I don't do well with being cooped up in the house.  The best I have felt was getting out and shopping and the little bit of weed pulling I got to do over the weekend.  I was REALLY happy to do that and I can't wait until our grass starts to fill in better!  Our neighbors are already mowing, but I don't want to until the other grass starts to fill in better.  I am afraid cutting it now would only hurt it.  Anyways, I was talking over being down with a friend and she finally said to me, 'You know what you need to do?  You need to just suck it up and get over it.  Accept this is what your life is right now and deal.  Because it is what it is and at some point, if you accept that fact you will feel happier.'  BS.  I so friggin' call B friggin' S!!!!  I do NOT accept this is how my life is going to be.  I hate this lack of time for myself, lack of time together as a family, lack of time as a couple.  Because if I accept it, that's like saying it's ok and I give up changing.  I don't.

Just typing that makes me feel better!  I love my friend, and I know her intentions were good.  But I refuse to just roll over and keep taking the hits.  I love my kids, I love my husband, and I love myself.  Therefore, I have to make some changes.  These changes won't happen unless I do them.  I already took one step in getting my oldest signed up for a class.  He has always been terribly afraid of water, so I signed him up for private swim lessons.  Getting him involved in something like that will help his attitude because he will have something to look forward to each week.  I am also thinking of signing him up for one other thing like either an art class, karate, music, or a sport if he wants.  Either way, he needs to get involved in something that he will like and have a focus outside of home until he starts K.  We also need to get our homeschooling schedule back in line.

I have looked into getting a sitter for a set day once every two weeks for literally an entire day.  So, that way, if I have errands to run, want to have lunch with friends, or if the hubby is off and we want to work on projects, we can.  I am also thinking about joining another Mom's group.  I know I will meet other parents when the oldest starts K, but it would be nice to meet some other Mom's with younger kids.  Most of the Mom's I have been meeting are older and done with kids.  We still have a baby and may want another in the future, so I would like to meet more women my age who are in the same part of their life.  The sitter would be like $50 for an entire 8hr. day.  She's really $5/hr., but I always pay her more because I know she drives here.  And for a whole day, I would probably pay her $60.  That would be closer to $8/hr. and more fair.  Although, she says she doesn't mind cause my kids are pretty easy in comparison to what she normally deals with!  LOL

So, there ya go.  I am going to be pro-active in doing something.  I am NOT just going to sit here and drown in my own pity because I am frustrated with the way things are with my home-life and with my weight loss.  I am going to DO something.  Again, I know my friend's intentions were good, but I am NOT just going to sit here and let myself be steamrolled by a situation that I can get up off of my butt and solve.  I think when I start getting things rolling and even if they don't go exactly the way I want them to, it will still be making progress in the right direction.

I am already feeling much better, calmer, and prepared.  I don't know how long this will last, but I am going to attempt to ride it out for a bit!  LOL  Now, if only the scale will reflect a change!  OH!  I did have the hubbs look it over and he said that over the weekend he was off, it looked like we ate slightly higher cals and I just realized my fat was WAY high!  Hmmm.... think I may have figured it out!  WOOT!  Going to watch my fat and keep in more in proportion and make the hubbs, too.  He tends to be the one who cooks over the weekends and well, he goes a little crazy in that dept!  So, I hope I have found my issue.  I will watch it over the next few days and see how it goes.  Here is to losing 8... no 10lbs. in April!  :D