Figured it out

I think I've figured it out.  Besides the obvious lack of sleep, I think my coffee creamer may be to blame!  I bought a different flavor when I went to the store and it weighs in at 35cals. per tbsp!  That wouldn't be such a big deal, but I'm sure I was using close to 3tbsps. per drink!  Since my other creamer that I mix myself was so light, I was counting it but only at like, 25 cals. per coffee.  I think with this creamer I was closer to 100!  I drink 3 a day!  That's about 300 extra cals.  :O  So, I cut back the amount by using 1% milk for two of the tablespoons and that brings each coffee closer to 50 this AM.  I can handle that and fit it in easily.  I will happily give up a piece of bacon or some extra chips to have my coffee.  But after this creamer is gone, I think I will stick with plain ol' creamer.  Or my mix of 1% milk and heavy cream.  Just re-did the math and my version of half-n-half made with 6oz. real milk and 2oz. cream actually comes in at just 17 cals.  Yeah... HUGE difference!  HUGE. Especially since I usually only used 2tbsps. of it.  And even if I went to TRUE half-n-half with 4oz. of each, one tbsp. would still only have 28.  OY.  That doesn't seem like much if you ONLY use one tbsp, but I know I use 2 to 3.  Maybe I should go back to black coffee and only have the creamy stuff once in a while!  LOL  Cause at 35 cals. per tbsp, I have a feeling that is where my extra cals were coming from.  I allowed for it today from breakfast.  I will allow for it later from my snack.  But man, you'd think I'd learn by now!  LOL

I think the main reason it hurts me is because it's really the only thing I drink other than water.  So, I sip on coffee pretty much all day.  I have one cup (to go size -- prob. 8oz.) with breakfast, another at my afternoon snack, and I have one made in between that I sip on.  I usually don't finish the mid-day one cause I'm drinking water then.  I think I may just cut down to 2 per day total.  Coffee just happens to be my one vice.  I don't really drink many diet drinks other than a random diet coke here and there.  But for the most part, I have my coffee and then it's water the rest of the way.  If we go out for dinner, I may have unsweet tea or a glass of wine.  But I have no real soda addiction or fake drink addiction.  I don't even think I have a caffeine addiction as I enjoy the decaf or reduced caffeine just as much as I do the regular!  But I need to be smart about it if I am going to drink it.  Can't be getting extra cals from hyped up creamers!  LOL  That's what I get for thinking I would get something to 'spice up' my regular routine!  I should've just gotten the sugar free syrup like I use to.  Guess I WILL be ordering that again MissCatty!  LOL

OH! and to andly, thanks for your comments!  I sure wish I could lay down and sleep when my youngest does.  But I have an older child, too.  Between him, the dogs, the cat, and my hubby's weird schedule, I more often than not cannot lay down and sleep when younger goes down.  I just have to make due.  I don't know what I would do if my hubby didn't let me sleep now and then.  But I can tell you that I do very often let the house slide because I'm just too exhausted to do much.  However, after a while I still start to feel like I'm falling apart.  Especially after there has been a really rough night.  Like yesterday I literally had a tantrum.  I was so tired and the TV was going, stove, micro, and I was trying to read the directions on a box.  I was so tired I kept rechecking to make sure I put enough water in the instant potatoes.  Younger was screaming his head off and my oldest was asking the same question over and over and I just lost it.  It was completely my fault, but I just had a meltdown.  Hubby came home to a cranky and screaming baby, a sulking kid, and a crying wife.  I can just take so much before I crash.  It doesn't help we have no support here.  And I mean none what-so-ever.  My parents come up now and again to try to help out, but they can only do so much.  But here local, we get nada.  Not even from our so-called 'friends'.  I've pretty well given up on having a social life and well, it's wearing me down feeling like at the end of the day, no one gives a shit how I feel.  I have started feeling like a slave instead of a person.  I think that is my real trouble.  Anyways, my point is no matter how much I'd like to try to rest, it doesn't happen.  And even when I get ok rest, I'm still feeling really run down.  Recipe for disaster.

On another note, I'm feeling frustrated on top of the lack of life thing with the food thing.  WHERE is the FOOD?  I went to the store and several of the normal veg and fruit I get are gone.  UGH.  It truly is Fall.  :(  I know that this time of year is good for gourds and other fall stuff, but dad gum I am struggling with the lack of options.  OK, mostly berries and apples!  The lack of berries and apples is frustrating.  I think the apples is because everyone is loading up.  Berries, well, their season is over.  I only get peaches in season so those are done.  Pears, too.  I'm not a huge watermelon fan so that is ok.  But the berries, well, that is killing me.  I eat a lot of strawberries and raspberries and a decent dose of blueberries.  I'm a big fan of blackberries, too, but I don't use them as much.  Mostly just grab some and eat'em!  YUM YUM!  But I am thinking that I am going to have to maybe go back to smoothies to get all my fruit and veg in.  I love them so it isn't a big deal and I don't mind the frozen stuff... I will just miss the fresh fruit at breakfast.  This is why I hate dieting during the winter.  And it's usually how I pad out my meals so that I get lots of volume with little cals.  But with there not being many options... ugh.  I don't want to live off canned or frozen!  But I don't have many options.  :(  All I can do is get what I can fresh and make do with the rest.  I have a feeling that come Spring, my poor freezers will be so empty!  :(

Other than  yesterday being a decently productive day, not much to write about.  I think I was so tired yesterday that I had to be up and doing things or crash.  I finished the rest of the Halloween stuff so only a few more things to put up.  Some stays up since it's also Fall themed.  I got some organizing and dusting done plus cleaned the whole kitchen.  Not sure what I want to do today.  Younger did sleep ok last night and I think only woke once, but didn't actually get up.  Just whined and then went back to sleep.  Then we were up at 6 which was fine.  My alarm goes off at 6:15 to get me awake to get oldest up.  He ended up going back to sleep, but I got him back up at 7:45.  If I have to be up, so does he!  LOL  I also think this may help me to stay in routine.  And get him in a better one.  One thing that is driving me nuts with trying to do a schedule is the darned animals.  My dogs keep acting like jerks so I keep having to bring them in and put them in the kennel.  All of a sudden, they have a beef with anyone who even looks at our yard.  Particularly my male.  He's always been a barker, but here lately he's gotten worse.  He seems to go in cycles.  See why I never rest?  Always having to worry about something.  LOL

Ok, well, I guess I better get off of here and attempt to be productive.  With a bit of extra sleep, I feel better.  But maybe I will take a little nap... dogs are in, younger will be napping, older at school... ooh... a nap!  LOL  That, or clean the family room which is in DESPERATE need.  I guess we'll see.... Have a great day ladies and hopefully we're more successful this weekend!