5/7

Yeah, yeah, yeah... boring title.  BLEH.  LOL  I'm up and going early again this AM.  I knew I would be, but that doesn't make it any easier.  My head isn't happy about being up so early.  I went to bed WAY too late watching 'Disappeared' on Netflix from ID and talking to the hubbs through text.  He was on break, so I loved getting to 'talk' to him.  LOL  He was feeling a bit stressed, so it was good for us to talk and just get to the core of the issues and hopefully find some ground for him to stand on.  He said this AM he felt MUCH better, so it was worth it to lose some sleep.  But then I had to get up early this AM to take oldest to school.  He had too much to carry to ride the bus.  So, I let him sleep in a bit and I took him.  I got to talk to his teacher for a couple of mins., too.  It worked out well but once I got home, I knew I'd had too much sunshine to go back to sleep.  After a few mins. of snugglin' with the hubbs, I went ahead and made coffee and started doing my rounds.  I don't have a ton to do today, though.  Regular clean-up around the house and then I need to do the bills.  I haven't done them in a few weeks.  I know that sounds bad, but I got ahead a bit last time and I knew 'at a glance' what I had.  So, really all I need to do is just make sure that stuff cleared and there was nothing funny and get ready for the rest of this month.  I also need to make sure I have everything done for the next few months and decide if I want to pay ahead on my escrow or not.  We got a 'new' bill and I don't know why it's so high.  I think I will have the hubbs call the insurance later to find out what the issue is.  It shouldn't have gone up so high.  But knowing the insurance company, our paperwork is wrong.  AGAIN.  If it is, I'm going there in PERSON.  I want to SEE them update our info and GET IT RIGHT!  We have already called like 4 times because we've told them over and over that for whatever reason, the paperwork keeps going back to the original from when we bought and not the current updates.  As a result, our premiums are higher because the original stuff was cheap crap.  The new stuff not only is better quality, but has properties that make it fire and bug resistant so therefore, our insurance should be lower.  AARGH.  INSURANCE!!!  Drives me BONKERS!

My weight this AM is 193.5  So, that's good.  That hopefully means that any swelling from working outside and all that jazz is going down.  Hopefully Flo's bloating will start to go down soon, too.  I am actually feeling ok on that front.  I guess I need to remember to drink before my cycle every month!  LOL  But I was also taking Aspirin.  Not sure if that made a difference, but things have been much less awful this month than usual so far.  The first day the cramps are usually so bad I feel like screaming, crying, and laying on the couch.  But this time I felt completely fine!  It was awesomeness.

So, I went back to 3FC this AM and was reading some blogs and I had 'a moment'.  My moment being that I was reading one blog in particular and the lady is facing the possibility of cancer and she was talking about how even though she's able and wants to, she hasn't been going out and doing the things she wants and she's not sure why.  And it got me to thinking about my own life and how I let one ASSHOLE dictate how I feel.  I am referring to a crude conversation that happened on FB where a certain CHILD aka BOY basically made me feel like my path in life was wrong because HE didn't feel that I was a contributing member to society and therefore should have no opinion on anything.  Very similar and at almost the same time as when that chick made the same comment to Mrs. Romney.  He said that with me being JUST a SAHM that I wasn't working a REAL job and therefore should have NO say in how things run around me because I'm basically a BUM.  I started questioning myself at that point and feeling like maybe I was a failure.  I mean, I'm educated and I've traveled and yet, I choose to 'just' be a SAHM.  Do I have a Bachelor's Degree?  Have I been around the world?  No.  But are those things I want???  No, not really.  It's just not something that appeals to me.  I love to travel and I hope to see more, but for me, I've never seen the benefit of a college degree.  I don't think you should go to college and get a degree just to have a degree.  I think you need to have a darn good idea of what you want to do and get the most out of college.  Not just go to do something.  And honestly, I think that's part of the reason why the US is in the mess it's in... too many people getting a college degree and just expecting to come out finding a job that pays bank.  When in reality, there just aren't that many jobs out there where you NEED a degree unless you're doing something specialized.  I mean, you have people going to college and coming out expecting to work in small towns making doing desk jobs that just don't exist.  What we lack is people who are just willing to WORK!  No one wants to do any kind of manual labor anymore.  I know more and more people who don't even want to clean their own house and do their own yardwork.... it's just weird! 

Back to my point, I use to want to be a Vet when I grew up but as I got older, I knew that my allergies would get in the way majorly so I decided to change my course to a marine based degree.  But then when I was a Senior in highschool, I just woke up one day and decided that when I got to college that Fall, I wanted to do CAD -- Computerized Art and Design.  I had LOVED it in school and felt like it was the path I needed to go.  I went for a year but it just never felt right.  When I met my hubby and got married, that's when it all started falling into place.  I loved being home and doing all the domestic things.  I started painting and doing projects and learning how to really budget and save money.  I passed it on to other families on base and was REALLY enjoying just being a homemaker and all things domestic.  And since having children, that happiness has just continued for me.  Of course I have bad days and days where I wish I were anything but, but many MANY more days I am so happy and feel so privileged to be home.  And for whatever reason, I let some person's childish personal beliefs change how I was feeling about my life.  And that, well, that is STUPID.  Each person's loves, passions, and path is different.  And if I am happy, why should I let what HE thinks I should be doing change what I love?  And BTW, I'm not saying someone SHOULDN'T go to college, I'm saying it's ok if it's not for you.  It's ok to choose your own path and live your life differently from others.  I'm NOT a drain on society or a bum, so what I do is my business and if I am happy, then nothing else should matter.  But I let it.  And I let it eat at me and change how I feel about myself.  Which was stupid.  Life is TOO SHORT to let others dictate what I do, how I live, and where I'm going.  God is the only person I answer to and then myself.  Then of course my family.  And I have to say, I'm really happy with the way my life is!  I like being home, I like keeping the budget in check and doing coupons.  I like sewing and making clothing repairs, getting good deals, doing our own yardwork, housework, projects, art, and all those things that may not seem like much, but at the end of the day add up.  I feel that even though I don't bring in money, I make the absolute best of my hubby's good income by not spending money on what I see a lot of people spend their money on.  My hubby and I make a good team and well... we're happy!  So, why did I let someone's comments bother me?  I'm not sure... but I do know that for all my confidence and bravado, I get hurt easily and his words have eaten at me.  But no more!  NO MORE.  I am CHOOSING to put my feelings ahead and stand and say, SHUT UP to that nagging voice that is upset in my head.  And if dude says another word, I very well may the same to him.

My point in all of this is to say to anyone and everyone out there, don't let those negative people get to you.  You have to FEEL in your bones, heart, and head that you are where you should be and go along on the ride.  Make the CHOICE to live and be happy and don't let anyone who isn't important in your life influence you.  If you aren't doing these things -- whether it be in your career, your homelife, school, or even on your diet -- then it's time to re-evaluate.  It's time to sit down and take an honest look at things and really ask yourself if you're going where you want to go or are you going down a path that you somehow got pushed down?  After asking myself that, I know... I just KNOW I am going down the right path.  Will I need to make changes now and then?  Of course!  But in general, I feel like I'm in the right direction and making progress.  Because for me, it's always about progress and not perfection -- mine or anyone else's.

Ahhh... now that is off my chest I feel so much lighter!  :D  I hope this wasn't too much in-depth reading for everyone!  HA!  I got all deep there for a minute.  Have a great day all -- I'm going to relax a bit more and enjoy my coffee, then it's on with my day!