Strange...

So, something strange happened.  Yesterday after my post, I decided to say screw it.  I decided that I'd had enough of being strict and I wanted something different.  So, I had French toast.  No, not crazy french toast or anything!  I had LC french toast and SF syrup.  Only about 11g. of carbs for the whole meal (the bread is some sort of flax bread... cant' think of the name...) and it was SO good and by the end of the day, I was still at my goal of under 40g, I believe.  And then for dinner, I had something completely different from what I normally eat (I had a reuben without the bread or wrap).  And when I got up this AM, back to 205.  ??????????  WHAT?  I had bread AND a different dinner?  BUT, I also got more sleep last night.  For a change, the baby only got up once at around 3:30 and then up for the day after 8.  And since I went to bed just two hours after the kids did, I actually feel like I slept!

So, what's up with that?  Was it the sleep or the change in food?  I've heard before that your body gets 'use' to food if you eat it all the time.  Could this be true?  It's the one thing I really haven't researched much because I just assumed that was silly.  Now, thinking there could be some credence to it.  And the more I think on it, the more it makes sense.  I mean, when your body gets use to sugar, it craves it because it's what it knows and wants.  Could it be the same with other foods?  Highly likely.  Your body KNOWS what to do with sugar and KNOWS that it likes to store sugar, so it craves more and more sugar.  Makes sense that if you eat the same snack every day that your body craves it because it knows what to do with it and it stalls out!  So, if you throw something new into the mix, it does something.  So, maybe that's what I need to do -- stay witin my carb limit but find some new things to eat and mix it up.  Or just make an effort not to eat the same thing too many days in a row.  I just hate to waste food and I tend to make something for dinner and then we eat leftovers.  Just cheaper and easier.  But maybe I will start freezing them instead so that I'm not eating too repetitively.

Needless to say, I'm feeling a bit less hateful towards the world AND my body.  But I do feel rather confused and conflicted about how this happened.  I AM glad that I didn't fall off the wagon and give up, though.  I have about 60 days left of my challenge to stay under 40 and I can't believe that I've stuck to under 40 with no cheats and only going over by 3g of carbs ONE time!  I know it hasn't been a full 30 days yet (I started the second week of March) but I still consider it a victory that after 10 days of going down a bit, then back up, and then up up up and then down, I am still sticking to it.  I don't know if I would've been so diligent in the past.  But at 31, I feel like it's now or never to get my weight on track.

I think that is a large part of my motivation this go around.  Before when I was dieting, I was in my 20's and felt like I had forever.  But now at 31, I feel like, these are the best years of my entire life and if I don't do something now and enjoy them, I will regret it!  Now don't get me wrong, the teen years were ok -- but for me, I didn't enjoy them as much as I thought I would.  The 20's were really good -- but most of the time I felt like people talked down to me because they thought I was 'still a kid'.  Even though I was married at 20, we owned our own home at 22, and had our first child at 25.  We did all the 'right' things and still, people acted like we didn't know a thing!  But now at 30, I feel more settled and at peace and just like, THIS is IT!  THIS is the best time of my life!  Everyone told me how hard the 30's were and how sad they were.  Not me!!!  I'm loving the 30's and I want them to be AWESOME!  I don't know if it was just me, growing up with 'Sex and the City' where the characters were all in their 30's and really finding themselves, or what.  But so far, the 30's are where it's at for me!  I feel more... well.... EVERYTHING!  It's hard to explain.  LOL

Another thing is I don't want to end up like my Mom.  She's in her 60's now and she really hates her body.  AND, she's quite vocal about it.  I don't want to be that way.  I don't want to hate my body in the next few years.  I hope that by doing this now, I will come to appreciate my body more and feel the way I always imagined a woman should feel about herself.  Love and admiration for all it's done.  I sure don't feel that way now.  And I know that my Mom doesn't.  I don't want that for myself or my future children.  I want them to grow up liking their bodies and knowing that the way you feel is completely in your control.  You may have good times and bad, but the end result is all on you.  And I hope that I can not hassle them.  My Mom's intentions have always been good, but there have been times when she has really hurt my feelings by her words.  I know she didn't mean to, I know she just doesn't want me to be fat like her (her words), but I also know that sometimes it's better to just keep your thoughts to you and not say them.  Lord, give me the strength to sometimes just keep my big mouth SHUT!  LOL

Well, I guess this is all for now.  I got a lot of stuff done yesterday (computer wise) and a bit of housework.  I really need to try to knock out some more housework today so that it's not piling up through the ceiling over the next few days while the hubbs is off.  Tomorrow will be my day to do whatever I want!  Woot!  Since the hubbs will be coming off of nights, he is usually too groggy to do much, so he has offered to sit with the kiddos while I work on any project I want.  I WAS going to work in the yard, but I am thinking that tomorrow is the day I want to work on the bathroom.  I have put it off and off and I just need to buckle down and do it.  I've just dreaded scraping, re-grouting, and sealing.  But it must be done.  The grout just doesn't look as good as I would like, and I want that bathroom DONE.  So, tomorrow I think I will work on scraping it down.  I was originally just going to do one wall at a time, but if I have pretty much a whole day to work on it, I think I am going to try to at least get two or get the main big wall.  To prep, I am going to go ahead and give the kiddos a bath tonight along with myself.  Then I am going to take everything out of the shower and set all my tools in there.  Then tomorrow, I will be all ready to go once he gets up from his little nap.  I am going to finish patching the drywall first (so it can be drying), going to chip some old grout out of the floor tile (two small sections), and then get to work on the shower stall.  I will remove all the old caulk (unless I have the energy to do that tonight!) and then start scraping.  Sure hoping that it roughs up fairly easily.  I am not removing it all -- just re-topping it and re-sealing.  I will caulk again once all the sealant is put on.  :D

For someone who was done, I sure said a lot right there!  Ok, going for now!