B-O-R-I-N-G

I've come the the sad conclusion that I am BORING!  I keep reading all the other blogs and how witty they are and IT suddenly hits me -- I'm never going to be a famous writer!  SHIT.  LOL  No, seriously, I'm okay with that.  I guess for me writing about how big my ass is just isn't all that humorous.  K, that's a lie -- it is!  But still, I'm not witty enough to really make the story read as interesting on 'paper' as it really is.  Anyways, on to what's happening.

We're finally making progress on our house, which means I am finally back to making some progress on my diet.  Today, I started back adding in my shakes as meal replacements and I am SO glad.  I've missed them and I know my body has -- even it felt jazzed up today!  I know it's probably from avoiding all those carbs my body doesn't seem to like breaking down.  I thought it would be harder, but it has been surprisingly easy.  Maybe it's because I want it so bad or maybe because it's so easy.  Not sure which.  All I know is that I'm thankful that I am ready to be back on it.

A couple of days ago, I was feeling some immense guilt, but I know it had more to do with how I 'should' feel versus how I really felt.  And that guilt is something I've got to let go of -- completely.  Food guilt, IMO, is what made me fat in the first place other than the health issues I've had.  Why?  Well, the long of it is, I love food.  So, being on 'diets' in the past made food a guilty pleasure for me.  Sort of like when you were a teen and your parents said, 'Don't do that!' and it made you want to do it more!  If I was told I couldn't have a certain food (even if it was MYSELF saying it) I incessantly wanted that food.  So, my goal has been not to label any food as 'bad' but to have it more on a scale of good.  For me, carbs have always been at the bottom of that scale but I said they were BAD and OFF LIMITS.  I don't do that now -- I for the most part avoid them, but if I want them, I have them in moderation.  And they are no longer BAD -- just not AS good.  I hope this makes sense!  :D

Anyways, my point is that I allowed myself to slip into old habits and thinking over the last few days and it drove me deeper into the pot.  So, getting back on is a relief to me.  I want to continue on my path of positive thinking and not allow myself that negative mindset.  All it does is drive me to a way of eating that is literally INSANE!  And seeing as how I am generally a person of sound mind, that level of insanity just about literally drove me nuts!  LOL  Cause for me, this isn't just a diet -- it's a change for life.  My very health depends on it.

Speaking of that, I wanted to say that I understand that some people feel that what I am doing isn't 'healthy'.  Let me be clear that I am NOT doing the whole liquid protein forever.  For me, this is a tool.  And I think I mentioned before that for me, that I did low carb/low GI long term and maintained easily -- I just couldn't lose anything after my initial loss.  So, it is certainly doable for me.  I know of all the rumors about Oprah and other people doing 'liquid' diets failing, but the thing is, she (along with MANY others) have also failed at other diets.  So, don't blame the diet when each of us that uses these measures is doing it to achieve a goal but we as people somehow fail.  It can happen with any lifestyle and diet change.  If it were easy, everyone would do it!  And if one tried-and-true method worked, there wouldn't be so many diets!  And I've tried MANY as I'm sure almost everyone out there has.  Also, as for the actual nutrition, I take vitamin, mineral, and herbal supplements.  I've actually checked my intake against several Dr. recommended brands, and I'm doing just fine.  :D  Also, let's not forget that being fat in and of itself isn't healthy.  Then you have to think about the fact that what I was eating to GET fat couldn't have been very nutritious, either!  Man, I think I think too much!

Well, it's late here in my neck of the woods and I really should get to bed.  Not that I have any big plans for tomorrow -- just more cleaning and trying like heck to get my house put back together!  But, none-the-less, g'night!