Feelin' Good!

I have to admit -- here lately, I've been feelin' really good about the whole diet thing!  I mean, I've been at this for a while now, so I feel like I am really getting a grip on what works for me and my body.  And let me tell you, low carb is definitely the way for me.  I am still doing my protein shakes and moving right along.  I haven't weighed in, but I will on Valentine's Day.  I'll get to all of that in a moment.

After my last post, I sorta hit a brick wall.  I don't know what happened, but I did.  Well, I think I sorta know what happened.  See, I suffer from a bit of OCD.  Most of the time, it isn't an issue, but when I get something in my head that I feel is important, I obsess non-stop over it!  And that's what I did right after the last post.  Instead of doing my usual thing of looking at the long haul and not the day by day aspects of weight loss (the scale), I got SO wrapped up in the numbers and obsessing that it actually backfired and I gave up!  That is NOT like me at all!  So, needless to say, I fell off of the wagon for a couple of days.  Make that, JUMPED off.  I just couldn't handle the stress of it.  Then late one night, my hubby and I were talking and it hit me that the reason I was feeling so 'trapped' was because once again, I was obsessing over the numbers on the darn scale instead of the journey.  So, in my heart, I feel THAT is the reason why I hit the wall.

For me, changing my mindset has been the hardest part of this trip.  I mean, come on, we all love food!  But it isn't the food that made us fat.  It's the way we related to it.  And for me, I've come to realize I need a mix of focus and relaxation.  I use another forum that is focused on liquid protein, but I've noticed a huge difference between me and many of the other posters -- I don't have a food addiction.  I don't 'binge'.  That's not why I'm doing the liquid protein.  I'm doing it because it's easy, fast, convenient, and not to mention, YUMMY.  And it isn't like all I have is shakes!  I know many people do, but I don't.  As a matter-of-fact, I'm starting to feel it isn't the right place for me, cause essentially, I consider myself a low-carber.  I still eat cheeses, berries, salads, lean meats, some low-carb items, etc.  I do the shakes to supplement some, but they are not my main source of nutrition.  Back to my point, I don't seem to be in the same place as a majority of the people there.  Meaning, that I feel I can eat on plan for days, have a night out with the girls, and then be totally on plan the next morning.  An example is, my friends and I have a Girl's Night Out usually every couple of months.  I typically get up, have a shake, have a snack, have a half shake, dinner, and then go out.  We go out and have drinks (fairly late) and maybe an appetizer.  I can do that, come home, and then be back on plan 100% for days.  Many of the folks on my board say, well, that's cheating and that's not on plan.  Well, for me, it IS!!!

Here's the thing, I feel like if I PLAN to go out and I KNOW that I will be eating 'not so healthy' items, it's fine. Why?  Because I planned for it and had it in moderation.  I NEED this type of thinking because I just can't see me ruling out all unhealthy foods for life.  Like one woman COMPLETELY gave up pizza even though she's at goal and says she'll NEVER eat it again.  To me, this almost seems crazy.  I give kudos to her for doing what's right for her, but for me, that's just not doable!  I would like to be able to go out once in a while or have movie night at home and have that food.  Just instead of eating half the pizza, I'll have a salad and a couple of pieces.  Does anyone else feel this way?  Do you think to truly be healthy and be at your goal that you have to give up all of your favorites and never eat anything ever again that's not on the 'right' side of the list?  To me, it's just a healthier mindset (for me, anyways) to not block any food and be on plan the majority of the time and then have days that are more lax.  Cause in the end, I think it's more about the overall picture.  It's about learning what works for your body, the amounts, and still enjoying life.  Not restricting yourself to the point where you might come to be resentful.  I just want to be able to be eating and living healthy like, 90% of the year and then have that 10% where I have a piece of b-day cake, a nice piece of chocolate, or a glass of wine with my girls.  I WILL NOT give it up.  To me, that's not living and enjoying life if you are non-stop analyzing food and forcing yourself to never have it.  I get it for weight loss, but once you've lost and you go to maintain, shouldn't you be allowed something once in a while?

Again, I think that's why I fell and crashed.  Focused on the day to day numbers and not the big pic.  And for me, it was frustrating, humiliating, and downright made me angry.  So, that has why I have made the dedication to not weigh so much.  Weighing day to day didn't use to bother me, but after my month long challenge, it has become frustrating.  I could weigh weekly, but then that limits me to the time I can 'live life'.  Meaning, I feel more like cheating instead of staying on plan because I do weigh-in on a certain day, therefore, I could 'cheat' the next.  Very damaging thinking.  But with the month wait to weigh, I'm focusing more on what I'm doing in the long haul and not the day to day numbers.  I never realized it would be a good change.  I've noticed that my thinking has shifted from focusing on the scale to focusing on the quality and quantity of food, exercise, and other things in my life (good numbers).  And instead of thinking about being off plan, my mind is thinking, WOW -- let's see how many on days I do this month!  And right now, I'm at a good number for me!  And I'm feeling positive.  In my mind, this is reprogramming me to eat healthy and live healthy the majority of the time but know that I can have days that aren't perfect and it's okay.  It doesn't mean I've blown everything and failed.  It means I'm learning how to balance.  And man, that is a freedom I can't even describe to anyone who's never hit that point.

With all this said, I do have to admit that I am a little worried/excited about my Valentine's weigh-in.  That annoyingly annoying part of my brain says 'What if you've not lost?  Get on the scale and check and if you haven't, then you might as well QUIT!'  Well, BAH!  NOT gonna do it.  I made a challenge, I'm going to stick with it.  I've been doing this long enough to know that voice isn't the best influence on me, so I just ignore it and push on.  But I'd REALLY like to see a good loss after one month!  Last time, I saw 7lbs. over a 28 day period.  I thought that was pretty good seeing as how that is a little under 2lbs. a week (1.75/wk).  And that is without exercise!  This time, I'm going from Jan. 2 to Feb. 14. That's around 6 weeks.  Even though I was off for a couple of days, I was on for 6 before that so I'm not going to hold it against myself.  I'm hoping for a 10(+) loss to bring me down to the 170's.  From there, I'd be on my last 20 and that's when I plan on adding in exercise.  I would've added it before now, but with the remodel mess, UGH.  Wasn't going to happen.

On an OT thing, our house is coming along great.  Hopefully I will have my exercise equipment back soon!  I should actually get off of here and start working on the house.  I need to work on at least one project today.  Not sure what it will be, but I need to do it.  Probably should sand the trim in the hallway and get that wiped down and ready to prime.  Can't do a whole lot with the hubbs on nights and in bed asleep.  But, I might be able to do that.  We'll see.  I also need to finish up the trim in the two bedrooms, but I am having a HARD time getting the paint to cover well!  And yes, it was primed and all that jazz!  Anyways, on to another week of being in the right mind-set and moving forward!  Good luck to you all out there!