I am trying here!

I am.  I really am.  But I was a bit bad last night.  I did pretty great all day other than having to get back into the habit of not licking my fingers.  LOL  I try to just wash them so that I am not tempted by any sweetness/salitness that could be lingering there from making my kid's food.  But I forgot and did lick them at least twice yesterday.  Not that I'm worried about the cals or carbs, just that I don't want to be tempted to eat something just because it's residue tasted so good on my fingers!  HA!  Anyways, even though that isn't that big of a deal, I had another glass of wine last night and even though I know I shouldn't have, it's already crossed my mind to drink the last glass tonight!  What is WRONG with me?  I'm losing it.  That's what.  I've done this for half the year and I'm running out of steam.  And for the life of me, I'm not sure how to get it back.  :(  Like I said, I did well yesterday other than that glass of wine with dinner, but my heart isn't in it.  I just feel like giving up.  UGH.

It doesn't help that youngest is about to be a year old and is STILL up at night.  My body just can't keep doing this.  It's not that I'm old, cause I'm only 31, but dad gum is it wearing me!  I just never thought that almost a year after he was born I'd still be getting up every night.  And the broken sleep is trying on me!  My hubby tries to help when he's home, but at this point, even if I don't get up, I wake up.  Hubby doesn't even wake up.  So, I have to nudge him just to get him to wake up to go get him.  I might as well because at that point, I'm awake!  I feel like everything is fighting against me and I just can't seem to get ahead.  I know I should be working out, but the main thing for me at this point has to be diet.  But even with low carb and moderate cals, I don't seem to be losing.  I don't know what to do anymore.  Still 200 as of this AM.  Feeling like that 198 was some sort of mirage.  :(

I DID look up some simple exercises that burn 100 cals.  Like, stairs or jumping rope for 15mins.  Trying to find little things I could do even in my constant state of sleepiness.  I'll tell you part of the issue is I'm lazy.  The other part is I'm tired.  A smaller part is I don't like to shower often.  Another part is more laziness.  Wait, the shower thing sounded bad.  What I mean by that is that I don't want to take a shower, go to bed, get up and workout and then have to take ANOTHER shower.  So, I would rather workout at a time when I can shower and then enjoy being clean!  My skin is SO dry that taking a lot of showers makes me itch like mad.  So, I prefer to only shower once a day.  Two times would just be too much and I really like to shower before I go to bed so I feel nice and clean and sleep well.  :)  It's just finding the right time to workout.  I guess I just need to suck it up and shower twice a day if I have to.  :(  Or suck it up and workout at a time I originally said I wouldn't.  Something has to give.