9/11

Today is 9/11.  And I remember just what I was doing 10yrs. ago today.  Strange how I remember it.  It's like watching a movie in my head.  Something not real and something that just COULDN'T be real.  We were still in the Navy then and I remember the base going on lockdown.  I remember feeling like I just could not grasp that we had been attacked... in our own country... Just unreal.  So, I wanted to start this post off with a prayer for everyone.  I think the whole US, heck, the whole WORLD, was affected by that day.  Things have never been the same.  Have we survived and moved on?  Yes.  But has it changed the way we look at each other?  Again, yes.  And not always in a good way.  I pray that the US survives and thrives in the coming years.  I pray that we can be the country that all other countries look up to again.  Not to be a 'super power', but to be a country of strength, support, and unending growth.  We need to grow as a nation and a people if we are to truly ever recover.  Wealth and power can be a wonderful thing for a county, but also it's undoing.  REAL growth will be putting our brain power to use for good and stop fighting over petty things.

OK, now, on to what this blog is REALLY suppose to be about!  My weight was up a bit this AM, but I really did expect it.  We've been working on the house and eating out a bit.  Not a lot, thankfully!  But at least twice.  AND, I was sick yesterday.  BLEH.  So, I saw 198.5 this AM.  But I feel like it is mostly water.  My weight the day we started the outside work was 194.5.  I've been up since that day and I don't expect it to really be down until we are done and taking a few days off.  Since my stomach was upset yesterday, I didn't do much but lay around and drink water.  I did eat, but not a lot.  I just couldn't stomach much!  So, here I sit at 198.5.  I'm not happy about that at all, but there's not much I can do.  And I refuse to get upset because, it's not as if I have gone nuts.  I HAVE had more calories, but with working on big projects, I've been hungry.  I'll be glad to get this siding finished!  Hubby is out cutting and putting up some trim right now.  As soon as youngest goes down for a nap, we hope to have about 2 to 3 hrs. to hang more siding.  If oldest will cooperate and help us out later, we may be able to get even more done.  But only if he will help us with youngest.  If I can take youngest out to play for a while and wear him down playing, he will go in his swing.  And if oldest will swing with him, that could buy us another hour.  So, we will see.  I'd really like to tie up as much as possible today!!!  If possible, I'd like to be able to paint Mon. and Tues.  I know I won't be able to get it ALL done, but if we could knock out a big chunk of it, that would really put my mind at ease.  Especially the sides and front.  The back isn't too big of a deal since we've just REALLY started working on it.  But I'd like at least to have the ends and front completely finished before they do our roof and gutters.

SO, I don't really and truly expect to see much of my 'true' loss until towards the end of this week.  I was seeing good steady loss until Friday.  I just have to get in a ton of water, not over-do, and watch my cals better.  I think part of the reason I'm bloated up is from not enough water, strained muscles, and salty cals!  Like, Mexican food!!  Even if I didn't eat a ton, I'm sure the salt bloated me up.  I've grown accustomed to eating and cooking at home.  And well, I just don't use a ton of salt!  I DO eat salt and I've not purposely cut it, but I just don't use it much since I'm trying to get about 50% of my cals from fresh veg and fruit.  Even my home-made salad dressings and stuff have very little salt.  And with not taking in a lot of water over the last couple of days, I know just a bit too much of salt has me bogged down.  I expect to see a much better weigh-in next Sunday.  Still going to check daily, though.  I think it helps keep me on track!

In MissCatty's words, I've been attempting to dig around in my emo box.  But so far, I can't seem to find anything worth writing over.  I don't know if I am in denial, or if I'm just finally getting to a place where it's no longer that big of a deal.  Could that really be happening?  This quickly?  Although, I AM 31, so maybe I've just been dealing with it longer and it's just become PART of me without taking me over.  I don't know.  And it helps that I've gotten to where I talk about it more.  Not only on here, but with real life people, too.  My hubby and I just had a long talk about the whole changing and cheating.  My number one fear.  That I will change and one of us as a result will cheat.  Talking it over with him REALLY helped to alleviate some of the worry.  Mostly because he said to me, 'Did you want to cheat when we were dating?  No.  Did I cheat?  No.  So what makes you think we will change?'  And you know, he's right.  Just because my looks change doesn't mean who I am fundamentally will change.  I think it just did something to my head when I saw so many relationships fall apart in the past -- early in our marriage.  Some because of weight and some because of other issues.  But I think it makes a difference that when we got married, I was thinner.  My husband and I didn't 'settle' for each other.  And really, I think that makes a HUGE difference.  I think that is the key.  The relationships I saw fall apart (due to weight) were all marriages where it seemed like the couples settled because they were heavy.  Once one of the partners got healthy (especially if the other didn't), it fell apart.  That's not the case with us -- and I'm sure not the case with many others.  I just happened to see a lot more relationships fall apart than most I guess due to the military life.  So, I am thinking that my original fear was unfounded and brought about by other people's experiences.  I tend to be overly sensitive at times and get absorbed in other people's drama.  I've been making it a point not to do that anymore and as a result, I think that things that use to seem so BIG are not anymore.  Blogging, talking, and cleaning out my closet feel like they have really done some wonderful things!  Even if others don't see it yet, I do.  I FEEL it.  I feel like I'm evolving into this whole newer person.  Well, maybe not new but improved!  ;)

Oh, and today's menu was as follows:

Breakfast:  2 slices cinnamon toast on LC whole wheat bread, 2 eggs scrambled with cheese (hubby made these, so I am SURE he used butter and milk)

Lunch:  Baked chicken breast and veggie/pasta salad (I bought a box mix and instead of eating it as made, I put in spinach, tomatoes, carrots, and celery.  YUM) and a cookie.

Dinner:  3 slices cheese pizza and a diet coke OH.

Dessert:  LC ice cream with 2 oreos and 2 vanilla wafers with caramel sauce (yeah... that was bad.  But yeah...)

Food wasn't stellar.  I think I did ok until dinner, but at that point we had been working for HOURS and I was STARVING.  So, I ate a 3 slices of pizza.  Which since it was just cheese, probably not horrid.  The ice cream sounds worse than it was!  LOL  I had a regular serving and although it LOOKS like a ton of cookies, it's not really!  Probably a total of 400 cals for dessert.  But that's it for today.  Onward and upward for tomorrow!