Still 195.0

I'm pretty happy with that 195.  My cycle is winding down finally AND we had sushi last night so I had assumed my weight would be up.  But nope, it's good!  I hope it goes down a bit more before Sunday, but even with just the half a pound, I am determined to try to be happy.  195 would be the lowest official weight I've had this year.  And that would be a 2lb. loss for the month of September.  Would be nice if it had been more, but I'll take what I can get!  Especially if it is going down and I don't feel like I'm 'suffering' through.  I won't lie... there were times I felt that way with low-carb.  Mostly due to fruit.  I LOVE fruit and I never did seem to be able to get to the phase where I could add it back in and lose.  I go to berries and that was about it.  Not sure what I was doing wrong, but I'm sure it was me.  I still think I was probably having too much dairy and fat.  That's the only thing that makes sense.

Another thing is, when I was doing low carb, I think I got too reliant on artificial sweeteners.  To have anything sweet, I was using those and I think that was a VERY bad habit.  Now I hardly use any artificial sweeteners.  I'm trying hard to avoid most artificial things, to be honest.  And since I can have a variety of fruits and not worry about the carbs, I've just not struggled with it like I did.  I think it's because right now I know I can have whatever I really want and just watch my portions.  It works really well for me right now.  What low carb did for me, though, was got me in the habit of eating good veggies and lean meats.  The only thing I haven't been doing is the smoothies lately.  I really don't know why... I guess I go in food cycles!  Anyways, I am glad that I did low carb and got to where I am now and that now I am doing the low cal.  Am I annoyingly positive right now?  I don't want to be one of those bloggers that drives people nuts with being overly perky.  I just feel good and feel like I'm going somewhere with this even if it is at a slower pace.  And that I am making some good changes.

It's taken me a while to get here.  And honestly, I keep waiting to hit that point where I hate life.  I know it will happen, it happens to us all!  But I just feel like right now I'm making slow and steady changes.  Although, in the last week I could've eaten more veggies...  I've just been on fruit like gangbusters!  And grains.  I love me some coarse oatmeal!  But going to focus on more veggies again.  Like, making up some salad here in a bit just to make it a bit easier!  And my fave dressing.  I want to tweak the original recipe.  I think adding either some water or fruit juice will make it easier to use.  I believe one tablespoon has around 80 cals.  I'd like to bring it down just a bit and I think adding a bit of juice or water will thin it out so it isn't so oily and calorie filled.  I am thinking about trying apple juice since the flavor isn't as invasive as say, lemon or lime juice.  However, that may shorten it's shelf life to add juice...  I guess we will see.  I want to play with it and just see where we end up.  In the end, adding a bit of water may be all I need.  Or maybe more vinegar...  Decisions decisions decisions!  I probably should make more of a dent in the dressing we already have before I even make anymore, but balsamic vinaigrette is just my fave.  The Greek stuff we got is good but has a real twang.  Maybe I will go through my fridge before I decide.  lol

OH!  I haven't done measurements in a long time.  I plan on doing those on Sunday when I do my last weigh-in for this cycle.  I don't know how I forgot last month... weird.  I'm sure I wrote about it, but I have forgotten and I'm not willing to go back through all those posts!  HA!  But I will try to do it on Sunday right after I weigh.  I don't know if there will be much if any change, though, since I have just started trying to get more workouts in.  So far this week, I've only gotten one!  But for two days I've been running around like nuts so I just didn't have time.  I may make time here in a bit even though I have 50 other things I should be doing... like cleaning, painting, caulking, etc.  But it's 20mins.  I think I can squeeze in the 20mins!  I need to even with everything else going on.  I need to make it a habit.  But since it hasn't been, yet, I don't think the measurements will show much change.  I'll do them anyways!

Well, that is all I can think of for today.  I really need to get up off of here and do the things that need to be done.  I consider blogging an important part of my days, but I can't spend all day on here!  LOL  So, going to go read a couple of blogs and then get to it.  Have a great day, chicks!

Well, HELLO!

I love getting my hair cut.  When you get a good cut, it just makes your whole world seem brighter!  And the girl who cuts my hair is the shiznit people.  I mean it.  I think I have a girl crush!  She's like, 20yrs. old, cute as a button, sweet as sugar, and well, AWESOME.  Hair must be her calling because she's just dang good.  My hair is FAB.  And the funny thing is, it was just a trim!  But she 'cut in' my layers and shaped it back up.  Even told me how good my hair was looking.  I told her I was going back dark and she was like really?  This red is so great on you!  I asked her even if it was cheap Revlon 49?  She said ABSOLUTELY.  I love her.  I don't think I can go anywhere else ever again!  You know, I need to check and see if she is willing to take my number so that if anything ever happens and she leaves that salon that she can call me and I'll follow her to the new place.  Yes, I am SERIOUS!!!!

So, I am feeling SEX-AY!  My hair is all bouncy and swingy AND... the scale said 195.0 this AM!  AND... Tom is still here!  I am hoping this is a good sign.  :)  Although, my weight may be up tomorrow... I've run around like crazy today between errands and being back home and all that jazz.  Then the hubby told me he'd REALLY like sushi for dinner.  Hard to argue with that since I love the stuff, too!  I can't imagine the cals are horribly bad, but the sodium... OY.  I even use reduced sodium soy sauce many times, but still get bloaty.  Maybe I'll just keep chugging water until dinner and then have some mashed frozen bananas for dessert.  Oh so yummy and oh so full of potassium to fight bloat!  :D

They came today to do our roof.... but we still haven't gotten things straightened out with our insurance company.  I am about two seconds from being totally irritated.  They said they would overnight our THIRD check.  The first wasn't valid, the second never showed, and this will be the 3rd.  I could scream.  SERIOUSLY.  And this isn't some shoddy company... this is ALLSTATE!  I am SO ready to change companies at this point.  Farm Bureau is lookin' darn tootin' good.  Their reviews since all of these storms has gone UP!!!  They must take good care of their people for reviews to go UP!  Back to the roof.  Anyways, turns out our roof was worse than they thought, but luckily had held up really well.  The felt underlayment was still good so they went over it with MORE felt to make it even thicker.  Then they put on the new shingles.  I was shocked when I saw it... I thought we were getting plain ol' shingles.  Nope.  These are those 3-D shingles!  Changes the whole look of our house!  It's nuts!  The guy doing our gutters and stuff is also the painter and he asked who had done all the other work.  We said we did and he was like WOW -- you guys have done a GREAT job.  Now, this guy is a professional and does this for a living.  BLEW MY MIND!  WOOT!  I mean, we felt we had done a good job, but it was fantastic to hear it from someone who does this for a living.  He said he was concerned about our cinder-block foundation in the back... it wasn't properly sealed.  We said we knew and planned on stripping it, cleaning and re-applying the 'concrete' overlay, sealing, and then painting.  He thinks we should stucco, but we will see.  The back yard still needs a lot of work, so we will have to come back to that.... because we're going to be digging out so close to the house that we want to wait to do that until then.  As far as paint, he said they would come back tomorrow to go over how much the gables and soffits would be plus the back of the house.  They said insurance may cover paint even if the siding wasn't previously there since there more than likely would've been paint damage had there been paint.  So, we will see.  I don't want to push it or lie to the insurance company.  But if they submit it and the insurance accepts, then we'll do it.  But I'm not willing to be dishonest.  I'd rather just pay the extra cost out of pocket.  Or do it myself.  LOL  I think we'll end up doing it ourselves.  We'll see.

I guess I don't really have much else to talk about... I feel like lately I've become a bit boring and my posts aren't interesting.  But I really am just going day to day doing the same ol' things.  I'm trying to stick to the 1600 cals per day doing the 4 square thing and it's been working pretty well for me.  My Sundays are more relaxed, but that is about it.  I don't really feel like I'm struggling all that much and I haven't had any truly emotional stuff going on.  So, I guess this is all for now.  Until tomorrow!

Pedometer

I wore my pedometer all day yesterday.  I STILL didn't reach 5000!  Even after walking on the treadmill.  UGH.  Then we had a rough night last night.  Little man got hurt late yesterday and I KNOW it had to have hurt.  He scraped his chin pretty bad and it rubbed the skin off of one finger.  I was pretty mad.  No, not at him.  At my husband.  Why?  Well, you see, he fell ON MY TREADMILL.  My husband actually let my BABY crawl on the treadmill while it was ON and he fell.  I could've throttled him!!!  I know he feels bad because he was really trying to just let oldest on and then let youngest do it for just a min., but still.  Sometimes I feel like he doesn't think.  He feels horrible about it, but I was LIVID last night.  I managed to keep my temper in check until he left and then I called my Mom to unleash.  I felt better after talking to her about it.  I know crap happens, it's just that sometimes I wish he would stop and think about things a bit before he just goes and DOES it.  I didn't want to blow up at him last night because it was POURING the rain and he had to get to work.  I didn't want him speeding and angry driving down the interstate in the rain.  He did say this AM that he is going to try to see the danger in things before he does them.  I know it's hard for him -- he's a male and well, both our kiddos are male.  So, many times he acts just like a kid with them and does things I would never do.  But the fact that he is boyish is part of his charm.  He never acts like he's too old or 'grown' to play with his kids.... or even me.  The fact that he is playful and fun makes a huge difference in our relationship.  I couldn't be married to someone who didn't have a playful side.  Anyways, crap happens, we're all over it now, and youngest seems to be ok.  I think he was uncomfortable some last night, but he did finally sleep in.  I doubt he will be napping today he slept in so late.

After being up so late, I ended up forgetting to put my pedometer back on early this AM.  So, now I'm sure I'm missing at least a couple of hundred.  Just the walk to the bus stop is a good amount!  But I have put it on now and have been wearing it.  I got over 1000 steps at Wally!  LOL  No wonder... I needed stuff from all over the place.  LOL  But oh well, at least I'm wearing it and trying.  :)  Not sure if I will get to walk today since youngest more than likely won't nap.  He didn't fall asleep in the car on the way home, we have no eye rubbing, AND he's up laughing and playing so I am going to assume that a nap isn't happening today.  Which is fine.  I'd rather there be no nap and go to bed on time than a late nap and then he won't go to bed.  I am hoping that his finger is ok enough to not be too bothersome to him tonight.  I got some new bandages and I've been trying to keep it clean and at least rub a bit of ointment on it.  He doesn't seem all that bothered by them... but they look red and mad.  :(  I just hope the one on his chin doesn't scar up.  I'm just going to let them be and do what I can and if the doesn't show improvement in a couple of days, I plan on taking him to the Dr. to have them looked at to be safe.  But for now, he seems ok.

I have decided to take my hair back dark.  I was tempted to go to red and tempted to try all other sorts of things, but in the end, I am going back to soft black or dark brown.  I have both colors.  But I think I am just over the red phase for a bit.  I may go back to it at a later date, but for now I just want something a bit easier.  Not that the red was all that hard, but it did seem like it was fading faster and faster and well, I'd rather not re-color for fade and only re-color for touch-ups.  Besides, I've had the red hair for a couple of years now so change is good.  :)  Come Spring, I may do some blonde or copper highlights.  I am actually thinking of doing heavy stripping before I put the brown/black on so that if I do highlights later, it won't pull so much red.  That or using the shampoo I have for removing brassiness from blonde hair for about a week before I color.  That way, it will pull out a lot of the red.

Other than that, I am trucking on.  My weight this AM was still 197.0, but with Tom being here, I'm not really surprised.  I don't expect to see it move down any until day 4.  At that point, then I will get to really see where I am headed.  Although, I must admit I don't feel nearly as bloaty as I normally do.  I feel pretty normal other than the lower back pain that IS normal for me.  So, I guess we will see.  I would really like to see like, 194.0 come Sunday.  Lower would be better, but I want to be realistic.  So, 194.x is what I am hoping for.  Really 194.0.  LOL

I guess this is all for today ladies.  Sorry I'm not commenting much, but I've not been getting many comments either so I'm guessing we're all pretty darn busy and doing good to just write ours up and read them.  And then some of them, well, I just don't know what on earth to say!  Does that make sense?  Ok, well, I am going to jump off of here for now and attempt to eat some lunch.  I am STARVING right now and I have some leftovers screaming my NAME!  And if hubby ever gets up, I should run to the store.  FUN.  Tonight I plan on a big salad, but we will see.  Laters!

Did it!

Yes, this is INDEED my second post today!  But... I did it!  I worked out!  And I think this time-slot may be just what I was looking for.  If I can put youngest down around 12 and then get downstairs, that gives me some time to walk and then stretch before I need to leave to pick up oldest.  I know that there will be days that this won't work out, but I am going to try to shoot for it and let it fall where it may.  But as for today, I got 20mins. on the treadmill and then stretching.  :D  I am going to aim to work out every day, knowing I probably won't.  But if I make it a point of TRYING every day, then I hope I will get more than if I said, say I will do 5.  I think if I say 5, I'd maybe get 2 or 3.  I'm hoping by trying to do a little every day, I will get at least 4.  I want to do it in addition to anything else I do since walking is easy and good for you.  The stretching, well, I wish I had more time for it, but 10 or so mins. will have to do.  I may have to do different types of stretching to get them all in just on different days.  And the Pilates, well, I may have to do what was suggested to me which was to spread it out throughout the day.  Some squats when I'm doing dishes or calf raises.  Leg lifts when I'm laying in the floor with the kids.  Core work while I'm watching the 'quiet time' TV with the kiddos.  Things like that.  It will have to do.

Well, now that my workout is done and oldest is home and I even have the kitchen cleaned, I need to get off of here and decide what to do for the rest of my day.  It's not even 3 and I've got pretty much everything on my list done!  I wish we could go to the park, but it's looking rainy out and has already started sprinkling.  :(  And youngest just woke up and is eating his snack.  I think I'm going to have to get rid of the bottles and sippy's.  We've been working on the bottles, but this 'trainer' sippy's leak like the dickens!  Every time his bottle or cup gets turned upside down, I'm cleaning up puddles!  They gotta go.  Thankfully we only had a couple of each.  I didn't really want many transition ones since he seemed to like the regular ones just fine once he took oldest's.  Although, my older one only uses them once in a while now.  He is more than old enough and more than capable of drinking from a regular cup, so he normally does.  The sippy is usually on used on car trips or when we have snack in the living room instead of in the kitchen.  Other than that, he drinks out of regular cups.  OK, well, seriously, going to go now!  :D

Not bad...

197.0 today.  Not bad seeing as how yesterday was suppose to be a 'relaxed' day.  Or cheat day.  Whatever you want to call it.  LOL  I told myself I could have whatever I had been wanting, but all I ended up having that probably was a bit over was two of those mini-cheeseburgers and some fries.  Then I had ice cream with vanilla wafers, bananas, and caramel.  Even that probably wasn't too bad, though.  I didn't eat huge portions and stopped when I was full.  I also took yesterday off to just take it easy and read a book.  But not so for today.  Today I need to balance the checkbook, pay bills, and do some pick-up... especially dishes.  They piled up over the last couple of days so I need to get them caught back up.  I also need to finish putting away youngest's winter stuff and cleaning out his dresser.  I never did get to that a week or so ago and now his room is REALLY in need of being finished!  But I'll do that later when oldest is home to help me out a bit.

I have decided that today is the day.  I have GOT to get back to exercising and the ONLY way I am going to do it is if I MAKE the time to do it.  No distractions.  No FB, no book, no TV... NADA.  I need to just get down there and DO IT.  And I have also decided to stop trying to push myself to do things I really have no interest in.  Like, running.  I just don't like it or enjoy it so why do I keep pushing myself to try to do it?  I love the walking and I love hiking, but I really don't enjoy running.  I think somewhere along the way I got it in my head that healthy people run and well, I'm purging that NOW.  Running is great for some people, but it just isn't for me.  At least not right now.  After I lose more weight, I may change my mind but until then, I am going to stick with the walking.  Oh, and Pilates.  I really enjoy the walking and stretching and even Pilates.  So, I plan on sticking with those for now.

I FINALLY wore my pedometer the other day but I don't feel like the reading was very accurate.  I did a LOT of housework that day, but it only registered like, 1000 steps.  You see, it doesn't count any 'rocking' motion or upper body work which most of you probably know you do a lot of at home!  Our upstairs isn't very large (only about 1100 sqft.) and half of that is blocked off for the baby.  So, I don't do a lot of long trips across the house.  But I was still really disappointed in that number.  I felt like I moved a lot that day but it wasn't reflected on the darn thing.  My hubby said not to worry and that it was the average of the week or even month that was important.  But I was so frustrated, I didn't wear the darn thing for a couple of days.  One of those days at the zoo.  I should've worn it that day!  I would've been high on steps for sure!  Anyways, I have the darn thing on today and I have to start tracking it on our insurance sight if I want credit, so I am going to start that this week.  I also need to review and see what other things we are suppose to do for it.  I know we're suppose to do some sort of bloodwork, agree to talk to a health counselor, and of course the step thing.  I refused the counselor.  I'm busy enough most days without having to deal with that, too!  But I don't mind doing the bloodwork and the walking.  I don't even know if we can get in for check-ups in time for it or not this year.  Oh well, if not, there is always next year.

I am going to go ahead and try to dye that dress.  I have nothing to lose!  And after reading up on reviews of dyes, I think I will go with the RIT or the Dharma ones.  They are both suppose to be really easy to use.  We used the RIT ones for my BIL's wedding for the bridesmaids dresses and they came out really pretty.  I would've kept the dress for future use if it had fit me well!  So, here is to hoping I can do that and save the dress.  I just wish I knew where the weird yellowish stain came from!  I'm normally able to get out ANYTHING and for whatever reason, this won't come out at all.  UGH.  Even with straight bleach!

I am also thinking of dying something else... aka, my hair.  I have had red hair now for over two years and I love it, but I am thinking it may be time for a change.  Here lately, it seems like it fades faster and faster.  That or just time is moving faster!  Either way, I'm tired of this shade of red but I'm not sure where to go from here.  My options are to go with a brighter red that will 'pop' more or to go to a dark brown.  I'm leaning more and more towards a dark almost black brown.  My skin is REALLY pale so wearing anything that's not a rich color tends to wash me out.  Right now, this red has faded and I look washed out.  BLEH.  When it's fresh, it looks great, though!  But right now I have roots, gray, and fading.  Plus, I need a trim.  I go for my trim on Thurs.  I am thinking I need a new color.  I think the dark almost black chocolately brown is the way to go.  I had thought of trying a blonde color again... but I just don't know if I want to do that right now.  It would be a PAIN to strip out all this red to go blonde, but I could do it.  But I think I would need at least 3 processes to get it all out.  AND, I would have to get some facial bleach just to keep my eyebrows lightened.  Hmmm... that sounds like a whole lotta trouble... thinking darker is better.  Maybe someday if I have more money to spend on going to a salon I will try the blonde again.  I don't know... I guess I will look the next time I go to buy color and see what I can find and how I feel and then decide.  But for now, thinking the dark is the way to go.

Well, it's going on 10:30 so I need to get up off of my tush and get a few things done.  At least I am all caught up on my mail, blog, and FB!  You chicks have a great day!

9/25 Weigh-In

Today's official weigh-in is 195.5.  I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed.  I saw 194.5 yesterday, but then we went to the zoo and did a ton of walking.  I should've worn my pedometer, but I didn't.  Anyways, I figured I would be swollen a bit today from the walking since I was good on food.  I drank a lot of water, but I don't think it was enough to keep me from being swollen.  This seems to happen EVERY week.  I get a GREAT and positive number on Sat., and then come Sunday my number is back up because we did some activity on Sat.  I don' t know if I should consider it good or bad.  Right now, I'm feeling BAD!  Because I'm annoyed.  I'll get over it here in a bit and tell myself to move on since the scale is moving down; even if it's slow.  Even in my annoyance I know that some kind of loss is better than no loss or gaining and that losing slow is the best way.  But it's frustrating when I see a good loss like, 2lbs. on Sat. and then get up to a higher number come Sunday.  Makes this week seem as if I have only lost 0.5lbs. for the week.  UGH.

I have one week left for this month.  As of now, I've only lost 1.5lbs.  Unless I lose more this week, this is going to be a disappointing month.  And I probably won't have a good loss since I should be starting my cycle anytime now.  I really thought it would've started by now...  It's going to end up messing up my final week.  I know I shouldn't let the numbers get to me, but sometimes they just do.  I'm just not feeling very happy with these numbers today!!!  I never have been a fan of Math!  LOL  At least I made myself smile!  :D

One good thing that happened over the weekend (besides a fun family day together!) was that while being out yesterday, I realized that I made a goo decision in trying to lose weight no matter how frustrating it is.  I saw a LOT of heavier people out yesterday and it made me think that maybe we HAVE become more accustomed to being fat.  Maybe not in the way I originally read that one article, but in another way.  I think maybe subconsciously, we HAVE become use to it.  We've allowed ourselves to grow larger and larger and even though we don't WANT to be fat, we ARE.  And I'm not talking about those people who are 10 or even just 20lbs. over, but I saw women I knew who had to be pushing 3 to 5 times that amount.  Men, too.  Are we really oblivious to how large we are?  Is THAT why when we encounter a thin person who has maybe 5 or 10lbs. to lose we say, 'But you're so thin!'  Are we suffering from another type of body dysmorphia where we don't see ourselves as big as we are and we see a slightly overweight person as normal?

Anyways, the whole point is I saw these people and thought to myself, good for us for getting out and doing something healthy!  We even packed our own lunches, snacks, and water.  I DID eat one vanilla ice cream cone of soft serve, but that was it.  And it wasn't a huge one or anything.  I hope that is why the other families came out -- to do something fun, healthy, and not be sitting at home.  I am trying hard not to be judgmental of others now that I am traveling along on this journey.  I don't know them just as they don't know me, so maybe they are trying to lose weight, too.  Cause it's easy to be disgusted with yourself and with others when you become so aware of weight.  I don't think other people's weight really ever registered that much with me until I became so aware of mine.  It's much easier to have that negative self-talk once you become more aware.  I'm trying hard not to do that to myself because I caught my reflection a few times yesterday in mirrors, doors, etc. and it was hard not to say I look great, BUT... and you know where I'm going.  It's like I can't even appreciate where I AM because of how far I still need to go.  My personal goal is still more than 40lbs. away, but the 'ideal' is over 50.  But for right now, why can't I appreciate that I'm under 200?  That I'm 20lbs. away from my post-baby highest?  30lbs. from my all-time highest?  I hate these days where I feel negative.  I shouldn't feel this way at all!!!  I should be proud and ready to keep kicking butt!  BLEH!  Stupid weird negative feelings!  GO AWAY!  I want my normal, confident self back.  I hope this passes soon.

I know what this is.  This is partially PMS and partially the 'return to routine' blues.  I'm going to get through it, it's just annoying right now.  Maybe I just need a new hobby or something.  I think some downtime to myself would be good, too.  That's one thing I am missing right now is friendship and that kinship that comes from having a group of female friends.  I quit trying thinking that I was trying too hard, but so far not much has improved.  I just don't seem to have very much in common with the people around here.  Even the one sorta close friend here... well... I like her and all, but she's a tad strange!  But it's not her fault.  She's a great person who had a rough childhood, so making friends isn't easy for her.  She's not trusting of a lot of people.  She cat-called me the other day as she drove by -- I told her that meant we were real friends now!  LOL  She cracked up -- she DOES get my sense of humor!

Ok, now that I've droned on and on, I think I will get off of here and maybe give my Mom a call and then relax and read a book.  Not much else to do today since I did a lot of housework this last week AND I picked up some this AM while the coffee was brewing.  I kinda hope we can put up some Halloween stuff this afternoon when the hubby gets up, but we will see.  It's all sorted and ready to go, that's for sure!  We can only put up part of it, though, since the roofers will be coming out soon and we want to finish up some painting, etc.  I'm out for now ladies!

Back and Forth

Back at 196 today and I have NO clue how.  I was an eating MO-CHINE (HA!) yesterday.  I kept it to healthier food like grapes, half a peach, some popcorn, and part of a cookie.  But I felt ravenous all day yesterday and drunk a ton of water, too.  Just to try to keep the growling to a minimum.  I expected this after the last time so I just let it roll and kept putting in healthy food.  MUCH better than stuffing my face with junk!  Yes, I WANTED junk, but I didn't eat it!  And let me tell you, grapes and popcorn do WONDERS for cravings since they are sweet and crunchy and then salty and crunchy.  Then the peach was soft.  The cookie was chocolatey and I didn't eat much -- just a few bites from youngest's leftover.  He rarely gets sweets but I let him last night.  I think most ended up in the floor!  LOL  He may end up being like me and only liking chocolate occasionally. But I am really proud I stayed away from junk food and ate fruits and healthy options instead of chips and candy like I normally crave!  Now I can use that in the future.  :)  I made another one of the Spinach and Goat Cheese pizzas.  However, I added WAY more spinach and some tomatoes from my garden.  It already had some, but I figured it couldn't hurt to add some more!  I really liked it much better with the extra veggies.

Yesterday wasn't quite as productive as I had hoped, but I did finish the kitchen with a good wipe down and another load of dishes.  I also did some more laundry and stripped two of the beds (oldest's room didn't need it).  I think I picked up toys a hundred times.  I'll do it again today to vacuum!  Thankfully, I got our room straightened up the rest of the way, cleaned the shower liner and one of the cabinet sliders.  Oldest cleaned his room.  All in all, a pretty good day but I had hoped to get a bit more done, but with PMS, I just don't have much energy.  Just zaps me clean out!  So, I felt good about getting anything done!  LOL  I need to clean a spot on the couch downstairs today, maybe do one load of laundry, vacuum, dust, and clean the floors.  I think I will clean them even if it continues to rain because I've already put it off several times and it REALLY needs it.  I hate having dirty floors and with all the off and on rain we've had, they look just terrible!  I think I will steam them and just be done with it.  Even if they get dirty again, at least I know they were clean for a bit!  LOL

The company doing the work to our house didn't show yesterday.  I told the hubby, I think we got the day mixed up.  When he said Thursday, we assumed yesterday.  But I think he meant NEXT Thursday because he said he had to order the color of shingles we wanted.  Mistake on my part for not asking.  I may call here in a bit just to see.  I'd like to be prepared!  I'd also like to know if they are going to start right away the next morning or what.  I want to plan to be out of the house the day they come to do the work because I've heard how loud it can be and well, I don't want to sit and listen to it!

I AM a bit unhappy.  One of the items I had wanted to save that got stained was one of my summer dresses.  The others were one of my son's playshirts, a newish tank top, and an older shirt.  I didn't care to let the playshirt and older shirt go, but I had hoped to save the tank and the dress.  The tank was too difficult and wouldn't come out no matter WHAT I tried, and I tried it ALL.  Same with the dress.  So, I'm sorta bummed out now.  I am actually thinking that I want to try dying the dress -- I've only worn it maybe two times and I love it.  The stain is yellowish on white fabric and I don't own many yellow things, so I was thinking of getting some fabric dye and trying to see if I could dye it yellow.  What do you think?  I am just so aggravated over whatever this is that I could scream!  I don't know where it has come from.  :(

This weird weather is messing me up!!!  Oldest is off of school today and we had wanted to go to the zoo.  But we got up to rain this AM and decided to stay home.  2hrs. later and the sun is out!!!  UGH.  Now I'm trying to decide if we should go on and chance it or find something else to do.  I hate to just SIT here.  Well, not sit seeing as how I have plenty of housework to do, but you know.  I had just wanted to get them out and do something fun for a few hours.  Then when we got home and they were tuckered out, I could get a few things done!  :D

Well, just finished up my 'Health Assessment' call.  After talking with her, I feel like I'm doing pretty ok but that there are a few more things I could be doing to be better.  AKA, exercise.  I feel like I'm on the right road with food, but the exercise thing is a killer.  I even told her about being on here and blogging for not only support but stress relief and she said that was a great idea!  :D  I told her about how I also call and talk to a friend and she said that was probably the best thing I could do.  I was like, DUH, but I didn't say that to her.  LOL  But overall, I'm feeling good.  Just need to find the time to fit everything in.  Well, not necessarily time, but motivation!  And I should wear my pedometer.  Maybe I'll put it on here in a min.

Well, I'm going to go for now chicks.  I need to get a few things done and decide what to do with this day.  Hope you all have a great weekend!  :D

Loosey Goosey

The weather outside looks eerie -- it's SUPER foggy out.  I'm not sure where the fog rolled in from since at 7AM this morning it was clear.  We walk to the bus stop at 7.  But now it's 8 and it's foggy as can be and there is a fog advisory... strange.  Geez... now it looks even thicker!

So, I've been sorta out of it the last couple of days.  I don't know why I had been feeling so groggy and so unmotivated.  But then I had yesterday -- I was SUPER productive!  I cleaned the entire family room and playroom downstairs including a good vacuum.  Still wasn't EVERYTHING I would've liked to have gotten done down there, but it looks SO much better!  I even got some of the Halloween stuff out and sorted and cleaned up the kitchen along with my errand run to Target.  I got some great deals on frozen stuff!  Especially my pizza... I love their Spinach and Goat cheese on flatbread.  I don't think I could make it better myself.  I also got some Kashi and LC meals.  I feel good about how stocked my freezer is right now.  I feel like we have lots of healthy food options and there is NO reason why we can't all be eating well.  I really hope I can be as productive today once I get up and going.  I need to finish sorting Halloween stuff, try to salvage some stained clothes, dust, finish youngest's closet, and some other odds and ends.  They are also suppose to deliver the stuff to start the repairs on our house today, but as of yesterday we still had not received our replacement check.  That is a WHOLE different story!

What HAS been good the last few days is that my old clothes are getting LOOSE!  I had been able to fit into some 16's, but I hadn't really been trying anything on.  I mean, it's been summer so I had mostly been wearing sundresses and leggings.  But the temps have dropped here so I had to break out the jeans.  And my 18's were LOOSE!  The 16's I just bought fit, but were snug an I mostly got them HOPING that by the time the weather cooled off, they would fit better.  I haven't tried them back on, but I am going to soon.  I am just satisfied that the 18's are so loose right now!  And even my jeggings that I bought in XL that were tight when I bought them (I only wear them under tunic tops and dresses) are now getting all loose.  My weight this AM was 197.5, which was good, but I was a tad annoyed.  I wasn't sure why my weight was sitting so high currently until I looked at the calendar last night... it's PMS week.  I should start in the next few days unless I am late.  Tomorrow is day 28, so it could be anytime over the weekend.  I didn't even realize it was time again already!  How sad is that?  LOL  Damn.  I bet that means I won't have a loss this week.  :(  And if I don't have a loss this week, then it's pretty much up to my last week and going into the first week of Oct. to see what the month says.  I know 193 is too much to hope for.  Bleh.  That's depressing!  I guess I will be happy no matter what.  At least, I'm going to try to be.

Splodin'!

Bleh.  It's all rainy out today and my head feels like splodin'!  My nose is jacked up, head hurts, body doesn't want to cooperate...  Just BLEH.  I really wish I felt better.  I have a lot I need to get done today and so far, I haven't moved off of the couch much.  Granted, it's only 8:30 AM and I've only been up 2hrs.  Part of which I spent getting oldest up and off to school, making coffee and getting youngest up for the day.  Oh, and bitching about Facebook.  I don't know WHAT the hell they were thinking with the new settings, but I HATE it.  I can't get to anything and apparently, I'm going to have to re-do ALL of my settings.  It's absolute BS.  And honestly, I don't see the point.  They took all the lists I already had and re-arranged them they way THEY thought they should be.  It's like our government -- always stepping in and trying to micromanage everything.  It may SEEM like a good idea at the time, but all it does is go overboard and become a nuisance.  This may not be true of all things... some regulation is good.  But holey moley, there's a LINE!

Ok, on to diet/exercise.  I STILL have not gotten into any kind of exercise routine.  I've also not worn my pedometer.  I meant to put it on today, but I just can't seem to remember to do it.  I don't even want to.  I KNOW I don't get that many steps in a day!  I could be wrong, but I doubt it.  As far as diet, still going right along.  It was hard Mon. and Tues. after Sun.  Sunday was my lax day after my weigh-in.  Still can't believe I saw 196!  Mon. and Tues. I saw 198, but I'm sure that was from eating out on Sun.  I forgot to weigh this morning...  I was in such a hurry to get dressed to get oldest on the bus, I just didn't think to do it!  First time in a long time.  But that is ok.  I guess I could go weigh now...  Might as well.  brb

K.  Still 198.  Granted, I've had some coffee and toast, but I don't think it would make a big enough difference.  Oh well.  Not going to get worked up over it.  Just going to make sure that I get in a good amount of water and eat on plan.  I don't think I'm getting enough water.  The in-door water in our fridge is torn up and keeps slowing and even stopping.  I've noticed that since it messed up, I've had a hard time getting all my water in.  REALLY thinking of either doing a whole house filter or at least a system on the kitchen sink.  I really need to get my water in!  And my vitamins.  I've not been taking those either and I need to get back to it.

Well, I'm not feeling uber perky and talkative today.  Not sure why?  So, I guess I am going to bring this to a close for now.  Later chicks.

9/18 Weigh-In

The official number for my weigh-in is 196!  I am smidgen disappointed that it was 195.x, but I am still very happy about the loss!  Last Sunday I was 198.5, so from last week that is 2.5.  Week before that was 197.0 so that is a 1lb. loss.  Either way, positive movement down!  Would've been nice to be more than the 1lb. since last weekend I was all swelled up, and I was going on the previous weigh-in as a marker of my progress, but I'll take anything that is moving down!  Hopefully next week I will see another loss.  But what I AM happy about is I have OFFICIALLY hit my 20lbs. lost!  Woot!!!

Not sure what today is going to be like.  It's Sunday and usually we like to take it easy, but I am thinking we are going to have to run some errands.  Mainly, we were suppose to have gotten a new carseat from the BRU Great Trade-in Event, but we have yet to do it.  Today is the last day so we really should go.  Our carseat could make it a bit longer -- it's a transition seat so it's the right size.  BUT, it says it expires this Spring.  I wouldn't take much stock in that except for youngest is only 13mos. (about to be 14mos.) and he will be in this seat for a long time.  At least until he is 3.  THIS is one of the issues with having kids farther apart -- you have to replace things!  We got good deals on oldest's stuff and it has for sure gotten it's usefulness, but we bought them discounted which means they were the previous season's stock to begin with.  That means when we bought them, they were already sometimes a year old.  SO, now they are expired.  Which is only, apparently, a big deal in carseats.  Well, it's ABOUT to expire.  And with a 25% discount for trading in, I just don't see the point in not taking advantage of that.  I think it's only 20% in Spring.

OK, well, I guess I need to go and get to it.  Later chicks.

Today

195.5!

Woot!  Do you see that???  195.5!  :D   :D   :D  I'm honestly surprised to see that!  Now, if it will only hold out until tomorrow!  I'm not sure why I keep Sunday as my 'official' weigh-in day.  Sunday is sort-of the start to my week so I guess that is why.  I know a lot of people do it to try to keep themselves on track over the weekend, but I don't really have that much of an issue.  My days of cravings and cavings aren't tied around the weekend but rather when my hubby is off.  But even with those, I am managing to stay mostly on track and keep going.  I know that last weekend was rough because of the work and the temporary gain, but I am trying REALLY hard to make it about the big picture and not about the day to day changes that happen.  I look back 9mos. ago and I was 20lbs. heavier.  Even if it took me a while to get here, I'd still rather be on THIS side rather than have gained or not lost anything!

I know I've made mistakes along the way and stalled out, but so far, I HAVE made progress.  I may still be working on being more active and still tweaking my diet, but I'm still trying.  And like 2hotinhere, I plan on going into Fall with a BANG!  And by bang, I mean I am going to try my hardest to stay on a positive track.  I know I will have down times where I'm not feeling good about my body or my path (I have in the past!), but I am going to TRY!  Progress NOT perfection!  I am feeling good today, but I may need some support along this road should I falter.  I try to do the same for you all.  I do miss the ones who have fallin' off, but I sure hope they come back.  I hope it was mostly the distraction of the summer.

I haven't been posting my food because I've been just keeping track of each meal with the 400/200 still.  I feel like it's been a good balance, although I do change around when I eat.  I try to mostly eat when I am hungry.  And believe it or not, I haven't been eating the same things over and over!  It has varied from day to day.  The last thing I've been contemplating is whether or not 'frozen meals' are good.  I was talking to a lady in the grocery store the other day and she said that it made her nervous to eat those because they are 'pumped full of chemicals'.  I said, well, my hubby works an odd schedule, so it worked for me to have them for when he works nights because I HATE cooking a meal for one!  Not to mention, they've been on sale here and I've had coupons, so I've gotten some of them for less than $2.  I couldn't buy a meal at a fast food joint for that!  Usually I have a drink, a side salad I make from spinach, and then a Lean Cuisine.  I don't eat them all of the time, but I HAVE eaten two in the last week.  I think I talked about this once before...  Anyways, what do you ladies think?  And if you've tried some outside of the Lean Cuisines like the Healthy Choice and the Smart Ones, what did you think?  Like I've said before, I don't eat a lot of processed foods, so for me I feel like having them occasionally isn't a big deal.  The LC ones don't seem to be full of junk, but not sure how the others add up.  I've heard good things about the new Healthy Choice ones... just haven't tried them.  I think I will when they go on sale.

Sooo.... many of you have posted pics on here.  I've talked about it in the past... about progress pics.  But so far, I haven't brought myself to post ANY pics.  Partly because I'm embarrassed, and partly because this is the internet and I worry about some random kook stumbling across my page and then stalking me.  I'm not normally such a worry wart -- mostly because I try not to post too much info and I feel like, I'm no one important so why would anyone want to stalk me?  But you just never know, ya know?  So, I keep going back and forth on whether or not I should post any pics.  I could always not really show my face or only show certain things, but I feel somehow like that isn't being honest.  Does that make sense?  Aargh.  Just can't seem to decide...

Well, this day isn't going to go anywhere if I don't get up from here and get to work!  So far, I've taken care of the kiddos and cleaned the kitchen up a bit, but I need to do some more laundry, dust, and then try to clean the downstairs.  Also thinking of posting a few things to sell.  We've somewhat run out of room for stuff, so it needs to find a home.  Plus, the hubby wants to sell the couch to buy a new one.  I guess we will see.  Later chicks!

Just keep thinking!

Woot!  Weight check this AM was 196!  VERY happy with that!  I am not going to consider it 'official' until Sunday, obviously, but it does confirm that when my weight went up that it was mostly water.  I may have gained a bit, but the bulk was water.  I still hope it goes down a bit more by Sunday, but we will see.  I have some family that will be in town on Sat., and I am trying to decide if I should make the trip down to the 'rents to see them.  I know I could stay on plan, it's just harder because my family eats like CRAP.  I would eat well before I left, pack a lunch and a snack (including some stuff for the kiddos) and then make due on dinner.  I may even take my laptop so that I could try to check out any food before I ate it.  I KNOW we'd end up going out.  I know several places and how to eat there, but I like to double check in case I've forgotten!  And I don't really want to blow my diet right now since I had no loss last Sunday.  I'd really like to see a nice loss for this Sunday!  AND, I'd really like to see the 180's soon.  I'd really love to go for my check-up and be in the 180's.  I think my Dr. would be pretty happy with that!  He's never really fussed about my weight, but he has mentioned that it needs to continue to go down.  I want him to SEE that I've been working on it and not just been complacent about being fat and unhealthy.  The first time I went to see him, I was preggo and my weight was right at 200.  I told him about how I had gotten down to 186.5 with my highest being 226.5 at that time.  I told him how up until a month before I got preggo, that was the lowest I had been.  All he said was that there would be plenty of time to lose weight after the baby.  I love my Dr.

I think I've become addicted to documentaries.  Specifically, documentaries on food, diet, lifestyle and exercise.  I just watched two in the last week!  One was 'Foodmatters' and the other was 'Fork over Knife'.  Both had good and valid points.  I didn't agree with it all (such as going Vegan) but they did make good points about our 'Western' diets and how over the years, it has just become so obscenely blown up!  And a large part of it has been not only our governments failures (pushing medicine instead of healthy eating), our failures (having some control in situations where there are no health issues), and the food industry's wiles, but flat out nature.  Things that I had never thought of before.  The more I watch, the more I read, and the more I think, I realize that the diets our grandparents lived by is really what we should be following.  A mostly plant and grain based diet with little to no processed, sugary, and false carb filled food.  Good healthy meat that is LEAN and natural fats.  Lordy mercy but we eat such a crazy processed diet!  After watching a couple of shows, I even realized that I probably eat better than many skinny people!  Which proves that more than likely, there are just as many unhealthy skinny people as there are fat people!  Then there's the whole science behind food and the chemicals, how they react in our bodies... not only in our brains but physically and fundamentally in our stomachs.  Did you know that there are different types of receptors in our stomachs?  Not just for whether we are physically content (fullness), but also for satiety (how rich a food is) and calories?  Essentially, if you take 500 cals of any foods such as 500 cals of oil, 500 cals of a dense salad, or 500 cals of bread, your body will read it differently.  500 cals of oil will satisfy the satiety receptors and the cal receptors, telling it that the rich food was calorie dense, but then it fries out the fullness receptors because it's only got a small amount in there!  Oil is cal dense, so it would only take 5 tbsp. of oil to equal 500 cals... some oils only about 4!  That's not much food!  As a result, our stomach's receptor's tell us to keep eating, even though there other receptor's are saying the opposite.  It's a mixed signal.  A nice salad with lots of veggies however, satisfies the fullness.  Canceling out the richness and cals, unless you don't use a good dressing.  This tells your body that you are full even without all the fat and extra calories like the oil.  You get where I'm going with this.  As the food industry has gotten larger (to include restaurants and even grocery store foods), they've made food SO easy to get that we're eating even more of the wrong kinds of foods.  It's just astonishing that it could be that simple.  I am still trying to wrap my head around it.  It REALLY makes me feel like the government and the medical field in general hasn't really been telling or even looking for the real answers.  If it really is so simple?  Why oh WHY then is it so hard?

Bleh.  I'm telling you, I really love watching them, but then my head feels like it's going to explode from all of the information.  And of course you know it's not ALL scientific!  A lot of it is opinion.  I do take a large part of it as it is -- as someone running their mouth.  I'll listen, but that doesn't mean I have to take it as gospel!  Know what I mean?  It still gets my brain going, though.  LOL  And then I ramble on like a crazy person like I just did!  HA!

Today so far has been a boring day.  I'm honestly quite tired, but I did actually cook something for breakfast and go through and vacuum.  I also sorted and started laundry -- which I hear beeping so I need to go change it out!  Going to do dishes here in a bit, too.  When hubby gets up, hopefully I can finish cleaning our room up and putting things away.  Oldest's room is done and I got youngest's clean yesterday.  All of our things are in our closet year round, but we recently bought some new things and I was cleaning out some old things.  Plus, putting away clean laundry.  Hope I can finish that up!  But I don't think I will.  I am SUPER tired even after a little nap and then dosing on the couch off and on.  But I think I will at least try to do one more load before bed.  AND, I should probably call my Mom to see if my family got her safely.

Well, I am going to tie this up now.  It has been another one of those blogs that took me all day to say nothing.  LOL  Hope you chicks are doing well!  So glad that Yummy Mummy (Sue) is back!  WOOT!  :D

Still haven't decided if I should go to my Mom's tomorrow.  There's a party at a friend's house we were invited to, but hubby has to work. Plus, I need to take my other dog to the vet for her shots.  I may just stay home!  Other than the vet.

Never made it...

I never did really keep up with my food Tues..  I TRIED, but by the end of the night I lost all track.  Besides... it was date night!  I know I didn't do great, but I also know I was good yesterday.  I did go out to the Mommy breakfast, but I just had coffee and a muffin.  I had planned on getting fruit, but man oh MAN did we have a horrible waitress!  And by the time it was over, I was just happy to finally have the damn muffin and my coffee.  It was sort of a slow day after that, so I didn't really eat much.  I drank a BUNCH of water and some coffee.  And took it easy.  That's about it!  Tuesday was a much busier day.  Between school, meetings, lunches, family, etc. and then date night... MADNESS!  But it was good.  Especially date night and the teacher meeting.  Then yesterday I ended up being sorta blah with not doing much until after hubby had left for work and I was like a crazy woman!  I was up picking up toys, straightening, doing dishes, etc.  And then I even bathed the boys and all that fun stuff.  Busy busy busy!  Not sure WHAT got into me!  LOL

Anyways, back to the teacher meeting and date night.  What was so great you ask?  Well, we discovered that so far our reaction of holding oldest back for a year proved to be correct.  I didn't want him starting K at a young 5 and having issues because he was always at the bottom and trying to catch up.  So, we waited until this year.  A few people said, well, it will be hard on him because he has such a late birthday!  But I don't think that will be the case.  They say that because he is a summer baby... but I think of his birthday as being early.  Meaning, he had his b-day over the summer and some of the other kiddos are having their birthdays now turning 6.  I feel it was the right decision to start him off that way so that when he went into school, emotionally and academically, he would be 'ahead' instead of trying to play catch up.  The teacher confirmed he was doing well!  He's actually at the top of the class with a few other kiddos!  AND, she said he had NO behavioral issues as of now.  I look forward to seeing how the semester goes and what her thoughts will be as the year progresses.  I really liked her and am SO happy that his school life started out with her!!

Date night was also successful!  We didn't make it bowling (boo!) but we did manage to get our Christmas shopping started and added a few things to the list.  I thought it was going to be harder, but we managed to find quite a few things and think of the things he had mentioned throughout the summer.  Then we went out for a late dinner at Red Robin.  It was SO good but I couldn't eat much!  It was a HUGE burger and fries and I just couldn't do it.  I brought it home, but I have yet to finish it.  Really hope the hubby will take it tonight to work with him -- I hate the thought of throwing it out and I KNOW I'm not going to eat it right now.

I did great on food yesterday even if I did drink a ton of coffee.  LOL  My weight this AM was back at 198.  I had hoped to see 197.x, but I will be content with the 198.  I hope that the bloat continues to go down and I see 196.0 come my real weigh-in.  I would love 195.x, but I just don't think that will happen.  At a minimum, that would be 2.5lbs. I would need to lose between today and Sunday.  Even if I am lucky and manage to go down a bit from water, I just don't see being able to lose any actual weight more than just a smidge.  But it would be super sweet to!  LOL

I DO have a bit of rant today.  Does anyone on here read any of the articles on Yahoo's Shine?  I read an article last night on whether or not 'overweight' was the new normal.  It wasn't the article so much that T'd me off, but more the comments to the article.  People really ARE cruel and clueless.  Just burned my buns up.  I started to leave a comment and say what I thought, but I've come to the conclusion that for the most part, it's useless to comment on those things.  So, here is is... Do YOU think that 'overweight' is the new normal?

Here is my response:

There are two sides to every story, and this argument is no different.  Are more Americans overweight than they have been in our history?  Why, yes.  Has it become an accepted lifestyle?  Uh, NO.  More and more Americans are overweight for any number of reasons.  Some of which are actually GOOD.  Yes, I said people are fat because of GOOD things!  Mostly being that since the early 1900's, healthcare, quality and quantity of food, and ACCESS has soared.  Back then, you had to grow everything, work the land, and many times had to deal with it if you just didn't have much for dinner but potatoes.  Today isn't like that so much.  There are many programs for state healthcare, walk-in clinics, and then aid for food.  Even when times are tough, there is still more availability now than there has ever been.  The question is, is that a good thing NOW?  This is where it gets complicated!  It was good because less people were sick and starving, there were more variety of foods, and lives were saved.  But it was also BAD because along with this easier access came convenience foods and less people growing what they eat and relying on not only grocery stores for food, but also restaurants -- fast food restaurants.  In the end, parts have been good while parts have gone haywire and have gotten out of control.  Instead of just access to more fruits and veggies (and year round I might add!), we have stores PACKED FULL of cheap JUNK.  Yes, it may seem good at first to buy this stuff, but people got away from using these items such as Mac-n-cheese as a filler and have made that their WHOLE MEALS.  Mac-n-cheese can be great as a side or even as the meal if you add in some protein (I like tuna!) and some veggies (we use peas, broccoli, spinach, etc.).  That was lunch one day - Mac-n-cheese with tuna and peas and a side salad.  But that's not how people eat it now.  That is ALL they eat.  A box that is suppose to be 4 servings that I can usually stretch to about 6, is now feeding maybe 2 people.  Yes, it's cheap, but if that is ALL you are eating, what are you REALLY getting?

Now, is this within our own control?  To a large degree yes.  But then you have to think that a human's body is designed for survival -- we are designed to hoard food and prepare for 'lean' times.  It's easy to fall into the habit of not moving enough, eating too much and even soothing ourselves with food.  Our brains make it easy.  And it is NOT easy to deprive ourselves once we've become accustomed to having more.  It's easy enough for someone to say, well, just eat less and exercise!  Just like it's easy for a non-alcoholic to say just don't drink or a non-drug addict to say just don't shoot up!  It is ALWAYS easier said than done.  It's mostly mental and it's like saying that you have absolute control over every action.  As humans, we like to think we do but I truly believe that sometimes our 'base' instincts take over and we do/react in a way we just can't comprehend.  Is that the case for every person?  No.  Do some people have no control and some people have health issues and the rest of us are lazy?  Maybe.  But do we want to be this way??? NO.

NO. NO. NO.  Why do you think the exercise/diet/drug industry is out of control and everywhere?  Because we as Americans KNOW we are fat and we're trying to fight!  But as a whole, we're fighting against nature (hoard and save) and against ourselves.  We're all either too fat or too skinny!  It's like there is no neutral zone.  And we have NO real guidance in this endeavor.  Doctors, dieticians, health experts, etc. tell us these things but we have no real answers.  And THAT brings me to what makes people think that we are all so fat and so overweight now?  Is it Hollywood?  Are they just so thin that the rest of us look like cows?  Have we gained weight at an unbelievable rate?  Do we, as a country, have NO self control and we're spiraling into a cess pool of lard?  The answer to all of these is no.  Plain and simple.  There ARE answers.

As I said previously, part of the reason we seem so much larger now is because the quality of life overall is better.  So, of COURSE our weight is going to be higher.  If we're healthier and not starving, of course we aren't going to be sick and at an emaciated weight.  Another reason we seem larger is due to the clothing industry.  Is there vanity sizing?  To some degree but the truth is, they are mostly trying to keep up with the 'average'.  What was average in the 1920's can't be the average now.  And who says that the women were healthy then?  Nothing.  Another reason for the saying that Americans are fatter is based on the BMI scale.  Now THAT is a crock of bullshit if I've ever seen one!  Regardless of what Mr. Keys found to be 'accurate' back in the 70's.  HELLO!  It doesn't take bone structure, muscle mass, or ratio of fat to muscle into account AT ALL!  HOW can that be the standard to which we are held?  THIS is why there are so many people aggravated, confused, and tired of fighting.  Not to MENTION that the 'standard' of healthy BMI was changed back in the late 90's so that a vast majority of people who use to be average and at a good weight were now rated as 'overweight'.  Which also pushed more people from the 'overweight' category to 'obese'.  And to top THAT all off, study after study is coming out showing that people who are in the bottom portion of the 'overweight' range (5 to 15lbs. over the government's BMI standard), are actually HEALTHIER than those that fall under the 'normal' range!  I'd bet the reason being that in today's society, its VERY hard to get to that 'normal' range for many body types and the people that have this issue (like me!) would end up yo-yoing back and forth trying to get to and stay at that slightly lower weight.  My body build just fights me.  Where on the other hand, if I just got CLOSE to that range and ate healthy, maintained, moved, and didn't stress over out over it, my body wouldn't respond as if it were under constant attack.  Don't you feel that is healthier?

My point is, is our overall size larger now?  Yes.  Are there some valid reasons?  Yes.  Has it gotten to where some people are out of control?  Yes.  Is it accepted?  No.  It may be accepted be be a little more overweight like maybe 10lbs. over the current 'ideal', but it is NOT accepted to be truly fat.  And it isn't fair to constantly be comparing the people of the past with now or even me with my friend.  There is a ton of factors that make up our bodies and it is truly aggravating how black and white people make it.  It is a varied topic and there are so many ups and downs, lefts and rights, and sometimes wrongs.  One of the wrongs being the way we measure if we are 'overweight' or 'normal' to begin with!  So, a large part of the reason why so many people may be more accepting of 10 or so pounds is because if the standards were changed to take into account body build and fat percentage, many of those people would fall into a healthy range!  And it is RIDICULOUS to say that just because we don't fit into the medical or government's world of standards does NOT mean that we are 'fat and happy'.  It meas we feel there needs to be CHANGE.  I'm not saying to accept being FAT but restructuring the standards and realizing that there are more things than being a traditional size 2.

That's not to say I am saying we should stop trying to lose weight and get healthy.  Just that I get crazy annoyed with people who sit there and say that because I am making an effort NOT to do some freaky diet, to love myself and encourage myself that I am 'normalizing' being fat!  I'm NOT!  I'm just trying to do this the right way and I think that many people are coming to the same conclusions.  And just because you don't kill yourself or beat yourself up to get to some crazy small weight and we get to OUR normal and OUR natural weight and stay there and be happy and enjoy life does not mean that we consider overweight normal or even want people to act like we are skinny mini's.  It just means that we each should do what works for us and the whole damn world should stop obsessing over if we are fat or not.  Geez.

See???  I was worked up.  I feel better now!  LOL  Ok, Ok.  Going to get off of here now.  I want to check FB and call a friend.  Talk to all you chicks later!

9/12 & 9/13

Let's start this out with my food!  Going to attempt to post again to help keep me on track for this week.  :D

Breakfast:  2 medium wildberry muffins, 2 eggs (fried with oil spray), strawberries; coffee

Lunch:  1 slice cheese pizza, large spoonful of veggie/pasta salad, 4 large strawberries; zero calorie fruit punch water

Snack:  Kashi fruit and cereal bar; coffee

Dinner:  Romaine salad with strawberries, goat cheese, pecans, and greek dressing; spaghetti; wine

Dessert:  LC ice cream with vanilla wafers and caramel

Snack:  Potted meat and pretzels (yeah.... sounds gross as all get-out, but I was STARVING!  My stomach was physically growling and I couldn't go to bed)

OK, I will add the other stuff as the day goes on.  :D  I am going to do better this week now that the majority of the outside work is done.  Well, that I can do while hubby is off.  He goes back on nights day after tomorrow, so no heavy labor.  We might get a bit more done today (I HOPE!) and then I hope to be doing caulking and paint tomorrow.  At least caulk.  There is a LOT of caulk!  TONS!  But hopefully no crazy heavy manual stuff after today.  I'm swelled up like a blowfish even with tons of water!  No eating out today, either.  Going to eat at home and eat better cals.  Speaking of, I need to run to the store today at some point along with working on the house and working on housework.  We're burning through fruit and veggies like water!  Of course, my parents were here over the weekend, so I think my Dad partially cleaned me out.  He eats a lot of fruit.  But even the veggie stores are down.  I think I will hit the store once I decide what to do for dinner.  Oh, and once I clean out the fridge.  It's kinda full!

Wow.  Sounds like a lot to do today so I better get to it.  Not to mention, my 1yr. old is already getting into EVERYTHING.  UGH.

OK, so far today hasn't been awful... wasn't great either but wasn't awful.  And I don't expect tomorrow to be MUCH better because it's.... DATE NIGHT!!!!  I will probably be fine at dinner, it's the dessert that will kill me!  Even though we usually share dessert and have coffee.  So, may not be tooooo bad.  :D  But it's date night... and I can't wait!  Just some time to spend alone with the hubby.  Although, I think we will end up going Christmas shopping... Yes.  Christmas shopping!  We want to go ahead and try to get a few things now so that we aren't spending like mad closer to Christmas.

**Update**  We ended up not doing date night.  Our sitter thought we meant Tuesday night instead of Monday night.... which is fine!  I'll be happy just to go out!  Dinner was ok last night as was dessert.  But my late night snack, well, I probably should've had something healthier.  But I was just SO hungry and craving something.  I couldn't believe how loud my stomach was growling.  I haven't had that in a LONG time.  But I ate the small can (which is one serving) and a handful of pretzels and drank a big glass of water and was fine.  So weird!  The hubby says he thinks we're all off from the weird work schedule.  He's probably right.  He goes back on nights tomorrow so our schedule will probably go back to 'normal'.  His one week off throws us both off since we're not use to it.  But at least this time we got a lot done!  We hope to hang the last few pieces of siding today and then get it painted over the next few weeks.  Originally, we were going to do all the painting, but I am starting to think about hiring someone just so it is done and over.

You see, we've worked on this house non-stop for about 4yrs. now.  And I am ready to be DONE.  Seriously.  My brain is just about fried out and I need a break.  So, hiring someone is sounding good.  The outside of the house is almost done at this point so that would knock it out much quicker if we could hire someone to do the painting.  Then all I'd need to do is repair my flower beds and finish the one side bed.  At that point, both side yards and the front would be done and all that would be left is the backyard.  It's super tempting.  But money doesn't grow on trees and well.... we are young and capable now so I feel like we should do it ourselves.  If you aren't able to whether because you don't know how, don't want to, or physically can't that's one thing.  But we're none of those.  So, I feel like we should just shut up and do it.  LOL  But I'm tired and just want it done!  LOL

Ok, now that I've moaned on and on and on....  I should probably get to wrapping this up.  I need to lay youngest down and then get to the store while hubby does a few things outside.  Then we have lunch with his family, pick up oldest from school, visit with family, teacher conference, back home and date night.  BUSY BUSY BUSY.  Hope we can get it all done.  If not, oh well!  Them's the breaks!  LOL  We'll do what we can and the rest will have to wait... again.  LOL  Hope all you chicks out there are doing all right.  I've noticed fewer and fewer posts and comments.  Even if you aren't doing well or doing great, drop a line now and then so we all know you're still alive!  Our weight is important, but so is all the other stuff that affects it.

Speaking of 199.5 this AM.  I hope the bloat is starting to go DOWN!  Guess we will see what comes on Sunday.  I am hoping for a loss.  A good loss since I was up this last Sunday from bloat.  The Sunday before that was 197, so I'd really like to see 195.x.  195 flat would be AWESOME since that would put me at 2lbs. down, but we will see how it goes.  Not going to worry too much either way.  Ok, this is it for today chicks.  Will post my food in another post tomorrow.  :D

9/11

Today is 9/11.  And I remember just what I was doing 10yrs. ago today.  Strange how I remember it.  It's like watching a movie in my head.  Something not real and something that just COULDN'T be real.  We were still in the Navy then and I remember the base going on lockdown.  I remember feeling like I just could not grasp that we had been attacked... in our own country... Just unreal.  So, I wanted to start this post off with a prayer for everyone.  I think the whole US, heck, the whole WORLD, was affected by that day.  Things have never been the same.  Have we survived and moved on?  Yes.  But has it changed the way we look at each other?  Again, yes.  And not always in a good way.  I pray that the US survives and thrives in the coming years.  I pray that we can be the country that all other countries look up to again.  Not to be a 'super power', but to be a country of strength, support, and unending growth.  We need to grow as a nation and a people if we are to truly ever recover.  Wealth and power can be a wonderful thing for a county, but also it's undoing.  REAL growth will be putting our brain power to use for good and stop fighting over petty things.

OK, now, on to what this blog is REALLY suppose to be about!  My weight was up a bit this AM, but I really did expect it.  We've been working on the house and eating out a bit.  Not a lot, thankfully!  But at least twice.  AND, I was sick yesterday.  BLEH.  So, I saw 198.5 this AM.  But I feel like it is mostly water.  My weight the day we started the outside work was 194.5.  I've been up since that day and I don't expect it to really be down until we are done and taking a few days off.  Since my stomach was upset yesterday, I didn't do much but lay around and drink water.  I did eat, but not a lot.  I just couldn't stomach much!  So, here I sit at 198.5.  I'm not happy about that at all, but there's not much I can do.  And I refuse to get upset because, it's not as if I have gone nuts.  I HAVE had more calories, but with working on big projects, I've been hungry.  I'll be glad to get this siding finished!  Hubby is out cutting and putting up some trim right now.  As soon as youngest goes down for a nap, we hope to have about 2 to 3 hrs. to hang more siding.  If oldest will cooperate and help us out later, we may be able to get even more done.  But only if he will help us with youngest.  If I can take youngest out to play for a while and wear him down playing, he will go in his swing.  And if oldest will swing with him, that could buy us another hour.  So, we will see.  I'd really like to tie up as much as possible today!!!  If possible, I'd like to be able to paint Mon. and Tues.  I know I won't be able to get it ALL done, but if we could knock out a big chunk of it, that would really put my mind at ease.  Especially the sides and front.  The back isn't too big of a deal since we've just REALLY started working on it.  But I'd like at least to have the ends and front completely finished before they do our roof and gutters.

SO, I don't really and truly expect to see much of my 'true' loss until towards the end of this week.  I was seeing good steady loss until Friday.  I just have to get in a ton of water, not over-do, and watch my cals better.  I think part of the reason I'm bloated up is from not enough water, strained muscles, and salty cals!  Like, Mexican food!!  Even if I didn't eat a ton, I'm sure the salt bloated me up.  I've grown accustomed to eating and cooking at home.  And well, I just don't use a ton of salt!  I DO eat salt and I've not purposely cut it, but I just don't use it much since I'm trying to get about 50% of my cals from fresh veg and fruit.  Even my home-made salad dressings and stuff have very little salt.  And with not taking in a lot of water over the last couple of days, I know just a bit too much of salt has me bogged down.  I expect to see a much better weigh-in next Sunday.  Still going to check daily, though.  I think it helps keep me on track!

In MissCatty's words, I've been attempting to dig around in my emo box.  But so far, I can't seem to find anything worth writing over.  I don't know if I am in denial, or if I'm just finally getting to a place where it's no longer that big of a deal.  Could that really be happening?  This quickly?  Although, I AM 31, so maybe I've just been dealing with it longer and it's just become PART of me without taking me over.  I don't know.  And it helps that I've gotten to where I talk about it more.  Not only on here, but with real life people, too.  My hubby and I just had a long talk about the whole changing and cheating.  My number one fear.  That I will change and one of us as a result will cheat.  Talking it over with him REALLY helped to alleviate some of the worry.  Mostly because he said to me, 'Did you want to cheat when we were dating?  No.  Did I cheat?  No.  So what makes you think we will change?'  And you know, he's right.  Just because my looks change doesn't mean who I am fundamentally will change.  I think it just did something to my head when I saw so many relationships fall apart in the past -- early in our marriage.  Some because of weight and some because of other issues.  But I think it makes a difference that when we got married, I was thinner.  My husband and I didn't 'settle' for each other.  And really, I think that makes a HUGE difference.  I think that is the key.  The relationships I saw fall apart (due to weight) were all marriages where it seemed like the couples settled because they were heavy.  Once one of the partners got healthy (especially if the other didn't), it fell apart.  That's not the case with us -- and I'm sure not the case with many others.  I just happened to see a lot more relationships fall apart than most I guess due to the military life.  So, I am thinking that my original fear was unfounded and brought about by other people's experiences.  I tend to be overly sensitive at times and get absorbed in other people's drama.  I've been making it a point not to do that anymore and as a result, I think that things that use to seem so BIG are not anymore.  Blogging, talking, and cleaning out my closet feel like they have really done some wonderful things!  Even if others don't see it yet, I do.  I FEEL it.  I feel like I'm evolving into this whole newer person.  Well, maybe not new but improved!  ;)

Oh, and today's menu was as follows:

Breakfast:  2 slices cinnamon toast on LC whole wheat bread, 2 eggs scrambled with cheese (hubby made these, so I am SURE he used butter and milk)

Lunch:  Baked chicken breast and veggie/pasta salad (I bought a box mix and instead of eating it as made, I put in spinach, tomatoes, carrots, and celery.  YUM) and a cookie.

Dinner:  3 slices cheese pizza and a diet coke OH.

Dessert:  LC ice cream with 2 oreos and 2 vanilla wafers with caramel sauce (yeah... that was bad.  But yeah...)

Food wasn't stellar.  I think I did ok until dinner, but at that point we had been working for HOURS and I was STARVING.  So, I ate a 3 slices of pizza.  Which since it was just cheese, probably not horrid.  The ice cream sounds worse than it was!  LOL  I had a regular serving and although it LOOKS like a ton of cookies, it's not really!  Probably a total of 400 cals for dessert.  But that's it for today.  Onward and upward for tomorrow!

Unsure...

I'm unsure how I should feel right now... Why?  Well... I saw 195.5 on the scale this morning.  I've been checking it daily just for tracking purposes, but not 'counting' it except on Sundays.  So, Sunday, I was 197 and today (TUESDAY!) I'm 195.5????  Is this real?  Obviously it's not my official number, but man am I happy to see that!  REALLY happy!  In 6 more pounds, I could be under 190.  That means 1..8.. SOMETHING!  I'm trying not to be too happy or too anything.  I mean, I could weigh tomorrow and it could go up and be a fluke.  Right?  But... I've not seen 195.5 since before my youngest was born... more than 2yrs. ago!  Honestly, I'm shocked right now.  Could this be for real?  That's how I feel.  Just can't be real...

I've somewhat calmed down from my rant yesterday.  I'm still ticked off, but it is what it is and there isn't a thing I can do about it.  I just have to do my thing and go on.  Know what I mean?  Continuing to be angry won't solve a thing.  Moving on... my friend said her nephew's funeral went off well.  I'm still very sad over this, but I've done all I can do.  I just can't imagine how their family feels and well, it breaks my heart.  STILL amazed over my BIL's recovery.  AMAZED.  I don't always understand what God has planned, but man, he sure has a way of writing one incredible story!

The weather here is gloomy again today.  Fallingwaters (Ellie!), so glad you're safe and not too much damage.  We're ok -- no tornadoes!  But it's a wet mess.  Some downed tree limbs and minimal flooding.  Honestly, after the crazy storms we've had, I'm relieved.  Although, everything is currently soaked to the bone.  Which is also somewhat of a blessing.  It was so dry here, even my weeds were dead!  LOL  I am trying to be productive, but my head is jacked up.  I have managed to keep up with housework and even do a bit more.  I need to do a few more things today and help oldest with his homework.  But other than that, I can't do too much.  NOTHING outside.  And I'm afraid to do too much inside since the humidity is so high and I'm woozy headed.  Hopefully the worst of this is gone tonight and we can do some prep tomorrow.  I guess we will see...

Diet wise, I'm feeling pretty good.  I am trying to get most of my cals in bulk... like from fruits and veggies.  Filling up on those helps a lot!  I'm trying to make them be about 50% of each meal.  I don't always make that, but I'm coming close.  I've not been writing down my food.  Just tracking each meal/snack to keep under the 400/200 mark.  I think some days I'm low and some I'm high, but for the week I'm averaging the 1600.  I'm liking this pretty darn well so far!  Still not exercising.  I want to start... I NEED to start.  Just gotta get motivated.  Why is it that I can only do one well???  My friend said the same!  She usually rocks out diet and slacks on exercise.  Well, I'm doing that and she's doing the opposite!  What's up with that???  I gotta figure SOMETHING out!  I know I need it and it's good for me.

On that note, the hubb's job is doing a new thing where they are giving away pedometers to help people track how active they are in a day.  They base your activity level on your average of steps over like, a month.  But I think they're doing a 90 day thing, too.  So, I agreed to wear it when it comes.  Not sure if it will be good or bad.  I mean, I don't have to do much but clip it on, but I fear I know it will say what I already know -- I'm too sedentary!  Sedentary is under 5000 steps per day.  I know I'll be watching it (and probably cussing it) through the day.  Cause I wonder, what all does it consider to be 'steps'?  Will mopping, sweeping, changing out dishes, etc. count?  I kinda hope it shows that I'm MORE active than I think.  I'm hoping this will somewhat be the motivation I need to be more active if I am as sedentary as I think!  But I can hope that it says I'm MORE active, right?

OK, well, I guess I'm going to go.  I know my posts are boring these days... not much else to talk about.  But at least I'm attempting to be on here!  Maybe one emo dig is all I can muster once a quarter or something.  LOL  MissCatty, I'm trying!  OK, OK, I'm off here to do more laundry and help oldest with school work!

Aggravated

This has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with weight loss, but I am just SO annoyed!  My husband's friggin' family has left us high and dry YET AGAIN!  I asked them a couple of weeks ago if they could help us out with the kiddos this week and they said they could and then LAST NIGHT they say they FORGOT!!!!  So now, we have NO help to get the trim and siding up on our house.  This is possibly my husband's last cycle on shift work, which means he won't have more than a couple of days off for a while.  And with winter coming before we know it, we need siding on our house!  It's pouring the rain as we speak and I'm already worried that we will need to let things dry out before we can even put the stuff on.  I am just AGGRAVATED!!!!  Seriously, they bend over backwards if anyone else even has a fart turned sideways and when we genuinely need help, they won't do it.  URGH!!!  I swear, I am so angry I could stomp my feet like a toddler!!!  I can't even find the right words to express just how annoyed with these people I am!  I put out an emergency request on FB for help, but I highly doubt anyone will.  My poor Mom said if all else failed, she'd put in for vacation time.  But I hate for her to do that.  It isn't fair to them that they are constantly having to help us out.  If my sitter was available, I'd use her.  I'm going to contact her again and make sure she has NOTHING available.  We have to do something.  Otherwise we're going to be spending an hour or two each day trying to get a 4 day job done.  :(  I just don't know what we're going to do!  I wonder if we got youngest up at the same time as oldest if he would take a longer nap?  His naps range from 2 to 3 hrs.  If he took a 3hr. nap, we could get a lot done.  We'd just have to sit the monitors back up which wouldn't be a big deal at all.  Three hours a day would be better than nothing.  We'd just have to leave our stuff out so we could get back at it faster each day.  I hate to do that, but it's better than not getting it done.  Even if it doesn't get painted this time, as long as it is hung and caulked, I'll be happy with that.

I don't really have much else to report other than it is POURING the rain here.  Which is fine... we needed the rain.  And it's not coming down so hard that it won't drain.  So, today is going to be a somewhat easy day at home.  All I plan on doing really is working on laundry.  I want to get it all done for the week if I can.  That way I don't have to worry with it.  I guess I need to go change that out and try not to stew all day.  I've pretty much stewed and marinated all night!  Yes, I am that annoyed!  Just one more thing in a long list of things they have done to piss me off.  I should've never wasted my time asking them!  UGH.  Ok.  Off of here for now.

197 Woot!

Two good things already to report!  First, youngest slept through the night!  I don't know if I wore him out or what, but he finally slept through the night and I got a decent night's sleep.  I did get up once to check him because I was so shocked, but he was snoozing away!  This has happened before, though, so I don't expect it to be a permanent thing.  And that's ok.  Getting some solid sleep last night made up for several nights of up and down!

Next thing is my weight was 197!  Yay!  That makes my loss for the month of August to be 2lbs.  Yeah, not much, but way better than June and July which was 0 and 0.5!  Glad to see movement in the right direction.  Even after going out for dinner last night!  Although, I do think I made really good choices.  Yeah, I could've eaten enough fries to fill a small elephant, but what good would that have done?  Nada.  I'd rather have fries when I could have them in a bit of a more controlled fashion.  At Red Robin, they're endless so keeping up with how many you have is darn near impossible.  Mostly because every time you move they're plopping them down!  So, if you don't order them, then just don't eat them.  Like I said, I DID eat two, but they weren't what I wanted so I just said no.

Anyways, happy with my 197.  I was secretly hoping for 196 something, but the 197 is still good!  I'm hoping that I can stick with this.  It feels pretty good!  And I feel like I'm eating at a level I can maintain and have some wiggle room.  I recently read somewhere that you should eat the amount of calories needed to maintain your goal weight.  I'm a bit under that!  So, if I have a hungry day and need to eat a bit more or a busy day and I eat a bit less, I should be ok.  And so far, that seems to be working well.  I just hope it continues to stick.  I know I will hit a plateau at some point, but I will have to find a way to push through it.  There are 16 weeks left for the year (OMG!!!) so I am hoping that I can be under 180 by the end of the year.  It sure would be nice to start 2012 off in the 170's!!!  Not sure it will happen since I have only lost 2.5 in the last couple of months, but can't hurt to have a goal, right?  :D

Emotionally, I'm feeling better today.  The loss of my friend's nephew has been hard and brought to light a lot of feelings that no Mom ever wants to deal with, but I've been pushing through.  Makes me want to TRY to enjoy my kids more.  It's hard day in and day out at times because you get into a pattern to deal with everything, but I am trying to be better about appreciating the small things with them.  And I realize, that most parents are doing the best they can... including me.  I don't always do great, but I always try.  And I think that my kids can see how much I love them.  It's just the thought of losing one of them just about kills me.  But just as you can't control your body, you can't control life.  All you can do is your best and hope that things go as well as they can.

I do have one worry right at the moment... My hubby is about to be off for 7 days.  We plan on doing a LOT of work around the house.  We need to put up some outside trim, hang siding, caulk it all, and paint.  That's not to mention the INSIDE stuff that needs to be done!  LOL  But that will have to wait.  Although, I may try to do some today depending on how the kids are.  We will see.  :D  Mostly work in the foyer.  May try to get my wall paint mixed (the color isn't quite right, but I have mix-ins) and maybe the steps prepped.  Been trying to do that for a while, but things keep coming up.  I never got to dust yesterday, so I for sure need to do that and more laundry.  BLEH.  Laundry is never ending!  Back to my point... I am worried that over the 7 day break, I will fall off plan due to being so busy.  :(  So, I am trying to come up with a plan of attack.  I think what I will do is plan on having a high calorie snack to help me stay on track.  Cause I will know that once I eat that, everything else needs to be on plan.  But we will see.  We have plenty of food in the house, so I'm hoping that with that here, I won't be so tempted.  The hubbs has been helping by saying he thought we should keep it simple -- especially at lunch.  Sandwich and some fruit or plain chips.  Sounds good to me!  :)

Well, I guess I should be getting off of here and getting on with my day.  Back later, chicks!

Messin' with me...

Either this is working, or my scale is messing with me.  I saw 197 this AM.  197!!!  FLAT.  Not a point 5 in sight.  I'm happy, but also somewhat wary.  Does that make ANY sense?  You see, I still can't believe that something this simple is working.  It may not be fast, but it's something.  And honestly, even though some part of me would really like to lose a ton of weight, I really have come to that part of my life where it's more important to lose it the right way than to lose a butt ton only at once.  This way, I am REALLY hoping that it becomes a habit.  I am just honestly surprised because... I didn't think just calorie counting would work.  I thought for sure I would not see a loss.  But I'm losing and it makes me very happy!  I really hope I can lose about 4lbs. per month.  I know I've said that before, but it still stands true!  That's what I'd really like... that means 9mos. from now I could be in the low 160's.  Lower if I happen to have a few good weigh-ins!  That would put me at the end of May, beginning of June.  I think I can do it, I just don't want to get hung up on too many things.

Even though this has been an emotional week, I keep trying to tell myself that eating out of control or not sticking with what I want will bite me in the back-end later.  Cause it will.  I've already been up and down and all over the place, but eating like crazy would do nothing but make me feel WORSE.  And even with hubby home, I've stuck to what I was doing.  I told him that I was going to eat more balanced and he could do whatever.  And unlike normal (which is eating out and eating crap many times when he is off even though we SAY we aren't going to) we didn't this time.  I'm not sure of the change.... maybe it's because I'm allowing whatever I want as long as it fits into my calorie goals?  Like yesterday, I had Italian Ice.  I had been wanting it SO bad!  The stuff is so good!!!  So, I had that for my snack while we walked the Public Market.  Not to mention the fact that I did a huge grocery trip right before his time off so we are LOADED with food.  I mean, nearly $400 worth!!!  I had good coupons, there was a sale, and well, I loaded up.  LOADED.  My freezer and pantry are SO full.  Looks like I am going to have to get our overflow pantry cleaned out and ready to go or the pantry might explode.  Yes, it is THAT full.  I may work on that during naptime.

Anyways, I think the change to low cal has been hard on the hubby, but good at the same time.  He is still in low carb mode.  LOL  But it's ok.  We're working on it!  I will say, though, that doing low carb was a God-send.  I lost a lot of weight doing it before my first pregnancy, before my second pregnancy, and then after.  And I think it was a great lead-in to what I am doing now.  Mostly because, I think the low carb helped to set my mind to watch the TYPES of carbs I eat.

After doing low carb, doing low cal is somewhat easier because:

* I'm not use to eating useless sugary carbs so when I eat, I tend to eat healthier carbs anyways.

* Fiber is important when eating low carb, so I am conscious of eating foods that have good fiber.

* I'm already aware of carb, calorie, and fat contents for most protein sources.

* Since junk food has been off of the menu for a while, I don't really crave it except during THAT time.  LOL

So, you see, low carb was perfect for getting me to where I am.  I AM eating more carbs now, but in the form of whole foods and good breads and grains.  Low carb really helped to set me up to be more successful in low cal.  I just hope I can keep going and get to where I need to be.  The one thing I am having to re-adjust to is my fat intake.  I really, truly and honestly believe that the reason why low carb stalled out for me was due to my fat intake.  At the time, I didn't think it was a ridiculous amount, but thinking back on it, I'm pretty sure my fat intake was much too high.  Mostly because I would cook with fat, eat with fat, and then have some dairy on top of my fat.  TOO MUCH FAT!  Now that I have reduced that, I have naturally cut back on the amount of cals I am taking in because fat is the most dense in cals.  And still my carbs are lower than the average person, I'd bet.  Not that I'm really counting... but I'm not eating a lot of junk so I'd say yes!  LOL

Well, I best be tying this bad puppy up now that I have written off and on all day!  I got a lot done and even got to go out to dinner with friends at Red Robin!  I got the 'Natural' and had cantaloupe for my side instead of fries.  I did eat two small fries, but they weren't what I wanted.  :D  So, pretty happy with that.  Hoping that my weigh-in shows a loss tomorrow.  I am determined to be happy even if it is only ONE pound!  Wish me luck ladies!  :D

The Natural

It's Wednesday, so I decided to do a mid-week check-in since my cycle is finally dropping off.  Thank Goodness!  I mean, seriously... it's been here since Friday!  BE GONE!  I'm over it.  Really.  I miss the short cycles I had there for a while.  More than 5 days is nuts.  Although, back in high school (forever ago), my cycles would be slightly farther apart, but last for around 7 to 8 days.  Which is why originally I had gone on BC (birth control).  And they were HEAVY.  Sorry if this is TMI!  The BC was suppose to make me normal, but instead, they made me PSYCHO.  I don't know why, but the influx of those hormones made things worse.  I had always been chubby as a little kid, but would have never considered myself truly fat.  I was always 'curvy' as a pre-teen and then as a teenager.  In other words, just a bit heavier and fuller than the other girls, but looking back, not 'fat'.  I remember finding out my cousin (who is a bit taller than me, like by one inch!) was in the 130's and I felt HUGE!  I believe I was in the 150's at the time.  After that, I was always self-conscious.  I had felt pretty good about myself after the summer... I had slimmed down some, changed my hair, got contacts, and for whatever reason, my acne had cleared up a lot.  AND, I had been dating a guy who liked me as I was... at least that's what he said.  In other words, I felt pretty good until I found out she weighed around 20lbs. less than me.

My point is, I had not worried about my weight until I discovered my cousins weight.  At that point is when I started paying attention.  I did eventually get down to the 130's without trying hard because I was working (at a workout and tanning salon) and paying attention to what I ate.  But then when I went on BC and gained like crazy, I REALLY felt big.  In hindsight, I was fine in the 150's and didn't need to be any thinner.  But the BC did something to me.  All in the name of having a more normal period (and some in the name of no pregnancies!)  I gained a ton of weight, I acted like a crazy person, and it really didn't help my cycle.  I got all messed up!  And here I am now in my 30's and I am still having issues!  I DID finally decide to get off of the BC, and I never went back.  Honestly, I think the BC is what triggered the PCOS in the first place for me.  After I gave the BC plenty of time and I was still gaining weight and losing sanity, I knew I was becoming very unbalanced.  I just couldn't do it anymore!  I did lose weight almost immediately after stopping them, but I never got down to the 130's again.  I went back to the 150's.  And even now, I think that is why I want that number so much.  It feels like that is my natural number.  I maintained around the 150's up until around my 21st. b-day.  Then I blew up like a BLIMP.  I went up and down some (broke college student = crappy food) but nothing major.  I looked GREAT when I got married at 20.  Like I said, it was around my 21st year that something went wrong and I gained and gained and gained and I can't remember being even close to the 150's in well over 10yrs.

Could I be thinner?  Why yes, by current standards I most certainly could be.  I KNOW that even with losing about 45 more pounds I am going to STILL be considered overweight.  Although, only by about 10 to 15lbs.  I know that and to some degree, it bugs me.  Why?  Because their standards suck.  They don't take muscle build or body shape into account AT ALL.  This goes back to the statement about being curvy... I would most certainly consider myself curvy.  Not due to weight... even in the 150's I'm curvy.  But I literally mean my body shape is curvy.  I have an hourglass or pear shape and I'm sorry, but that body shape just wears more fat!  The muscle shape and layout is different!  And I have to confess, I like it!  I would HATE to have my best friend's shape -- she is a ruler and for her, she is always trying to lose 5 or 10lbs. because on her, it shows. An it bugs her.  I can gain 10lbs. and it's not really noticeable, but on her... big change.  She wants to be around 115 and everyone says she's crazy.  I don't think so.  I think since she has few curves and when she DOES gain it all goes to her middle, 115 is good for her.  Looking back, at 150, I looked good.  Really good.  But I am not going to begrudge someone else wanting to be a bit thinner.  Body shape and muscle build make a HUGE difference.  But it still drives me crazy that in this day and age, that muscle build and shape aren't taken into consideration where weight is considered.  It's just common sense that a woman with fuller hips is going to weigh more than a woman with thinner hips and thighs.

I feel like my writing is all jumbled and not making sense... LOL  Of course, I didn't get much sleep last night.  I went to bed early, but youngest got up at a weird time.  For the last few weeks, he's been getting up at around 3ish and that's it.  Now for the last two days he's gotten up twice and at odd times.  The night before, it was 2 and 5:30.  Last night it was 11:30 and then 4.  He was up for the day at 6:30 which is an hour earlier than normal today, too.  I don't know what is going on with him, but I am SO tired today. And I think it is affecting my writing.  I feel like I'm not getting out what I am trying to say.  UGH.

My weight was 198 this morning so I think my bloat from my period is going down pretty quick.  My water weight gain during my cycle is nuts.  I don't think my Dr. believed me (I think he thought I was exaggerating) but after tracking it for months, I know darn tootin' well that I gain a butt ton of water weight.  I think the most has been a whopping 8lbs.  This time was only about 5, so that's pretty good.  And seeing as how I am finishing up my cycle, it's good to be back at 198.  Hoping that I will see a bit of a loss by the end of this week since the last weigh-in was a bust thanks to TOM.  When it rolls around again, I'm not going to fight the cravings so much.  If I want a damn cupcake, I'm going to have it.  I think I just about drove myself nuts this time trying to avoid it.  And thankfully, seems like being sick didn't hurt me like I thought it would.

Ooh ooh!  Back to the natural thing.  Seeing that 198 on the scale this morning made me very happy and made me realize that I can do this.  It may take me a while and I may not be seeing 'fast' results, but I'm moving along.  And by doing it this way, I really hope I have finally gotten past the mistakes of my past.  The hardcore dieting, BC, PCOS, and all that other stuff that has done so much to me over the years.  I am hoping that I have finally gotten to where I am going to slowly (but eventually) get back to what I have always considered my 'natural' weight.

***  It is now Friday.  :O  Sorry ladies.  I got news and all of a sudden I was so overwhelmed I just never got back here.  And it was a double edged sword.  *sigh*  The bad news is that one of my best friend's nephew's died.  He was only 3.  :(  He had been born with CHD (congenital heart defect) but he had all 3 surgeries to do the corrections and had come through with flying colors.  He was doing SO well and had beat all of the odds.  His Mom went in to get him up for the day and she said she noticed his legs looked purplish right away.  She screamed for her husband and started shaking him trying to wake him, and her husband came in and performed CPR until the paramedics arrived.  But it was too late.  His little heart just gave away.  I spent most of the first day crying.  No, I didn't know them personally.  But I can tell you, I had prayed for this child through his illness and surgery, and his family.  I feel like I know them since I am so close to their Aunt.  And all I could think was how that Mother must have felt when she found her baby gone.  They said she has shut down and isn't responding much now and that the Dad is taking it really hard.  I don't know if I could survive something like that.  They have another child, a girl, about to turn 2.  My friend said her sister is holding on for her.  I just can't imagine their pain.  I am tearing up just writing this.  I don't know what I would do if I walked in to check my baby and there was no life.  And in this situation, it wasn't expected.  You sorta come to a place where you expect it when they are sick and in the hospital and haven't been doing well.  But in this case, he had done so well... it was just a major shock to everyone.  Then on top of that, they are already being slapped with bills.  Unfortunately with a CHD condition, they were refused life and funeral insurance so it's coming straight out of their pocket.  A few of us begged her sister to set her up a fund for donations.  She did that today so we are trying to decide how much to donate.

Ok, the good news is that my BIL's PET scan came back CLEAR.  100% CLEAR!!!!!!  He was told he would die from his cancer, but he kept his faith in God and his faith and diligence were rewarded!  We just couldn't believe it.  He was told 1... maybe 2 years.  It's just amazing.  I don't know if we all believe it, yet.  When you get 'the talk', you just don't know what to expect.  But he fought and won.

Well, I think this is more than enough for this entry.  I do want to say that I have indeed been sticking to plan.  Even had a glass of wine last night!  :D  I peeked at my weight yesterday and I saw 197.  I think I would do cartwheels across my backyard if I saw 196 by Sunday!!!  But I will be happy with whatever I get.  OK, take care all, have a great weekend, and I will update again when I can.