Hello!

Hello!  How's everyone hanging in there?  I'm hangin'.  Sorry I haven't written in the last few days -- been super busy and well... not much to report.  I weighed in Sunday and I weighed yesterday I think and I was 195.5.  But I was SWOLLEN.  Sunday was my b-day, of course, and that was an ok day.  Didn't go so well after the cake.  And by that I mean, we were suppose to go out and have a family day, but the kiddos were TERRORS and we ended up getting out later than planned, there was a tantrum at the restaurant, so we got the food to go and came home.  Then we put the kiddos to bed and ate our dinner.  It was Japanese Hibachi and SO good!  Monday was spent running around like a crazy person.  I felt like I hadn't been spending enough time with my oldest.  So, I picked him up from school and took him shopping for some new school items since he had outgrown them and worn them out!  Then we went to lunch/snack at Taco Bell.  Then we did a couple more places and ended up at CEC (Chuck E Cheeses) and played a hundred games!  We had a great time!  Then we came home and had dinner.  Tuesday was my alone day and errands.  I got some new clothes and a bunch of stuff for the house!  Then yesterday was a playdate for oldest and people, I purged the SHIT out of my pantry!  Since we've got that big storage area downstairs now, I took any extras that were upstairs down there to give us more room.  It is SO nice!  But it took HOURS.

So, as you can see, I've not been doing any formal exercise last week and none this week, but I have for sure stayed busy.  I am going to attempt to do my workout today and 15mins. of stairs.  We will see.  I should have time today since hubby is on days.  I feel sad about not working out last week, but I'm not going to let it stop me this week!  It's going to take time to make it a habit.  I just can't give up.  Oh, I forgot to mention in the first paragraph that I didn't weigh this AM.  Don't see the point -- I started my cycle.  So, between running around like crazy, some salty food, and my cycle, I'm sure my weight would be up.  No point in torturing myself!  LOL  I'm not even sure I'll weigh this weekend.  Really no point.  But we'll see.  It's a habit to weigh now most mornings.  I just don't want to get discouraged again.  The last time was enough for me and I HATE that feeling.  I'd much rather keep with a positive attitude and not get dragged down with negative emotions that don't help at all.  Just bogs me up and I get nowhere.  I've got to just keep going on and get to where I need to be.

I do think that part of the reason I've slowed down is out of fear.  Not just to lose weight but to disappoint people.  I was out shopping and caught myself thinking, what would so and so think of this?  Like my Mom or my hubby.  And it hit me that I may not be doing things and making the choices I normally would because I'm trying to please others.  And I'm not sure if I'm fighting towards or against that tendency to please.  Am I being rebellious and not even realize it?  I'm not sure, but I DID feel like I had a moment when I was in the fitting room at JCPenney and it felt like an Ah-Ha! moment.  Either way, I've got to get past this and move on and NOT do this for anyone but me.  It has NOTHING to do with anyone else and everything to do with what I want.  I talked to the hubby about it when he got home and he said that he hoped I wasn't doing it for him.  He likes it and likes me and everything about me so I shouldn't try to 'satisfy' him.  Including but not limited to my hair, my clothes, my weight, etc.  I think I just went through a short phase of wanting to please others.  And I'm wondering why... I know as a kid I was a people pleaser but as I got older, I was very much into my own thing.  But that moment in the dressing room, I was looking in the mirror and thinking, I really like this top, but what if my Mom doesn't?  My Mom and I are really close but I've never been the sort to dress or do anything in particular to please her.  I've never had to.  So, could that be why I've suddenly had a bad go?  Is it hormones?  Whatever it is, it's got to go.  I gotta get to moving forward and I am going to do that by saying YES to me and YES to being positive.

Well, I need to get off of here and get some things done.  Its now 9AM and it's still looking dreary out.  BLEH!  But I want to get the downstairs pantry done now that the upstairs is in much better shape.  AND, I need to move some books around.  Busy busy!  Take care ladies!