I'm feeling a bit bummed out tonight. I'm trying to feel a bit perky, but I'm not -- I feel bummed. I know where it stems from and one part of me is like SHUT IT. The other part is, might as well be real and dump it out. So... here goes.
We went to a cook out and nobody liked me. There. I said it. As childish as it is, the whole thing bummed me out. Maybe not for the reasons you might think, though. Mostly because my husband can't seem to understand why the situation stressed me out. You see, these are HIS friends. And in my mind, I don't have to like his friends and he doesn't have to like mine. We don't have to hang out and do this or that. They can be his friends. I don't have to be included. But... he forces it. He says I'm silly and seeing things that aren't there. Fine. Maybe so. But I know how I feel and I shouldn't HAVE to go and hang out with his friends. That is what happened, though. So, that is what I'm annoyed about. I knew before going I didn't want to attend, but I went because he wanted me to. Then everyone starts talking about FB and asking if we had pages. They all friend requested him, but not me. How much more clear does he want it that they aren't interested in any kind of friendship or relationship with me? I told him from this point on, I'm refusing to go. He can go alone, but I'm not going. I have no hard feelings with them -- sometimes people just don't click. I just have no desire to hang out with people who don't like me for whatever reason.
I'm also feeling down about our lack of income. I told hubby we needed to do SOMETHING. I'm just not sure what that something is going to end up being. I just hate being too broke to get anything accomplished. Like, right now, I have over 30 projects for the house I would like to get done. But I have no moola. I am thankful that we are getting by and I shouldn't be complaining. I'm just trying to adjust. I'm not use to not being able to go and get what I need/want. And that is a major thing. I will adjust. I have to. I'm just not a happy camper about it right now. I guess no one is ever happy about being broke. And to solve it, I think I need to go back to work. He cannot do all of the work. He just can't. It would be too hard on him. He says he's fine, but no one feels good having to work through lunch, work past when everyone else has left for home, and work every single Saturday. And that is where we are. SO, I am thinking it is time I go back to work. I'm thinking of looking into overnight work. I'm a pretty big night person, so I don't think it would be too big of a deal to get a part time job working nights. Something where I went in at 9 or 10 and got off in the morning. I've found a few receiver/stocker jobs like that. I'm sure they don't pay but maybe $8/hr., but if I could work at least 24hrs. per week, I would clear over $600/mo. Giving us some decent wiggle room until he could find something else. I know I would be tired those days because I would still have to get up with youngest. But it would only be a few days. Then I would be on a normal schedule the rest of the week. Maybe I will apply and just see what happens. If nothing happens then... it wasn't meant to be.
We've gone over and over renting out our spare room and we just can't figure out how to make that work anytime soon. Maybe it could somehow. I'm just not sure it would be soon enouh. But I know we need to do some repairs on that room before we could. And then what would we do with all of the things in that room and closet? I know I am working on that. A large portion is office stuff, memory boxes, and home decor. I'm working on putting things in their homes and purging what I'm not using. It's just slow. Especially on days like today where I feel testy and angry and bottled up. I managed to make some small progress. But it's small and feels bleh.
So... I'm not sure the plan. Maybe tomorrow I will go and get a couple of errands done and see about filling out an application or two. A lot will depend on the weather. If it is still pouring the rain, I will probably stay home and read a book. I may do that anyways. I just feel bleh.