Broke down

Well, I broke down and finally weighed.  And my big number is....188.  Big whoop.  I only lost 1.5lbs. in like, a month!  But I guess I shouldn't bee too surprised.  I mean, afterall, I wasn't 100% and I didn't work too hard at it.  And the strange part is, I'm not as upset about it as I thought I would be.  I honestly thought that I would feel like a disappointment if I didn't lose at least 4lbs.  But in reality, I don't feel too bad.  I almost feel.... GOOD!  Why?  Well, the thing is, I've not been doing my shakes like I should but I HAVE been eating low carb for the most part.  So, truthfully, I'm happy with the 1.5 cause I didn't gain and I still lost some with real food.

But now the real dilemma begins -- where to go from here?  I have a couple of choices.  I can take some time off from the 'liquid diet' and continue eating low carb and maintaining and possibly losing more but VERY slowly.  OR, I can buckle down hard core and do this for another 30 to 60 days and land darn near my goal weight.  I just don't know for sure what I want to do?  I'm really quite sick of this, but at the same time, I'd like to lose some more.  I know I maintain well on low carb/low GI, but I don't really lose.  Not at a noticeable speed anyways.  So, I feel like I'm at a cross roads.  I don't mind the weight I'm at, but a healthier weight would be better.  Right now, I'm borderline between the world of the 'fat' and the 'healthy'.  And I don't like being so close to that line.  But as I mentioned before, I'm sick of the shakes in some aspects.

Ugh.  It's a tough decision all the way around.  I kinda feel like with doing low carb and finally getting in the exercise, I could lose.  But another part of me is like, that's bogus and I know it.  The only way I lose is with VERY low carb and low calorie.  I wish I could say I could just buckle down and just do it, but honestly, I just don't know if I can.  Bleh.  I can, I just don't want to right now!  Although, I'm going to feel bad about it because I have like, oh, 7 or 8 cases of almond milk sitting downstairs!  I almost feel like I should do it just to keep from wasting that!  LMAO!  I know it sure would save moola on groceries!

I guess I'm going to have to ponder this for a while and just see how I feel.  I just don't feel like I'm capable of making a 100% commitment to it right now -- no matter what the outcome may be.  I think I'm just going to step away from 'dieting' for a bit and focus on other things.  No, not forever.  Just for a few days to really think on what it is I want and to re-evaluate my goals.  I want to make this decision for the right reasons.  But if I had to choose right now, I'd say I'm done for a bit.  I just need a break from it.  I'm not choosing now, though.  I'm going to ponder.