2/17

Ummm... no real title here.  And I also realized that I never posted my entry from the other day.  SO, its going to look like I am posting two in one day when really, I'm not.  LOL  Anyways, weight this AM was 192.5.  It flashed 192 first, then settled on 192.5.  I'm ok with that!  I do hope to go down a bit more by Sunday, but at 192.5, I am finally back to my low of the year from 1/22.  Which means I've basically hovered for the last month.  Which I guess is better than gaining considering the constipation, my cycle, birthday and Valentine's and all.  I just hope I am finally headed in the right direction now and will keep going that way for at least a few weeks.  I really need a couple of good weeks to get back on track.  Even if I only see a couple of pounds for the next two weeks, I'd still be down for the year.  And that's good.  Progress over perfection.  But really, I want to see the 180's.  I NEED to see them soon to keep motivated to keep going.  I have over 30lbs. to lose right now... almost 40.  So, I'd really like to keep going and keep seeing the progress.  But I really need to see 18 something on the scale soon or I'm going to be frustrated to the point of angry.  And you know, I don't want to waste time on that -- it's useless.

It's too bad that weight-loss isn't as easy as the world would have us believe it is.  If it were as easy as they try to make it out to be, most everyone would be healthy.  But weight-loss and health in general just isn't a simple matter of what goes in and what comes out.  I'm still learning that.  I KNOW it, but making myself believe it is hard.  Mostly because there are flat out times I hate my body and feel betrayed by it.  But I just keep trying to keep on and say this isn't a simple science and if I just stick it out, something will give.  At least I hope.  And I really am TRYING.  I think that's what can be frustrating at times is knowing I'm trying and that for some people, it will never be enough.  I am SURE that there are people out there who think I must not be telling the whole truth and that I MUST be not doing something right or I would be skinny by now.  But that's just it... I don't aspire to be 'skinny' and I know that there are things I don't know and I am always willing to listen.  I know I'm a bit lazy when it comes to working out.  I just don't love it.  For food, though, I am really trying hard to watch portions, eat more veggies and fruit, only a portion of my meals are pre-made and lots of water.  I know that exercise in some form is important, but I try to do that by staying busy.  I want to do the other stuff and I will.  But so far, that's not worked out too well.  LOL  No pun intended!  Ok, a bit intended.  HA!

Anyways, I just wish that it could be a bit simpler.  I'm feeling ok right now, but that's not to say that I always do.  I TRY to stay positive but at times I Just wonder how I really got here.  Was it just the hormone issue?  Am I self soother more-so than I thought?  Is it really I didn't KNOW what I was eating?  I'm sure it's a combo of things to be honest.  I don't think I really ever KNEW what I was eating before and I don't think my parents did either.  And I don't think kids now know what the crap they're eating.  They REALLY need to bring Home Ec. and Nutrition back to school.  And for crying out loud, recess!  My kid is in K and they BARELY get recess.  Which is why he is so wound up at the end of the school day and comes home bouncing around like a spring.  When it's warm, it's fine.  He goes outside and roams the backyard and plays with the dogs.  Then comes in and plays with brother.  But when it's been cold, it can be a PAIN!  BLEH.  Back to my point, I may have had hormone issues, but I think the not KNOWING played a bigger part.  That's why we try to talk to oldest about food without it being a big deal.  I don't want there to be issues there.  I just tell him the truth and get on with it.  However, he knows Momma is trying to lose weight and so is Daddy.  I guess we need to talk to him about that.  I don't want it to be something major that comes up later.  I just want him to understand that because we didn't know things growing up that we're trying to do better now and that we want him to know so he can be strong and healthy.  Yup.

Well, I need to quit rambling on and on.  Sorry I was gone for a couple of days, but we were just busy and didn't have much time.  Take care everyone and hope you have a nice LONG weekend!  Well, it's long here because of the 3 day weekend.  LOL  Not sure if anyone else really gets that, but we do here.  :D  I will for sure be back Sunday with my 'official' weigh-in.  :)