Monday, June 11, 2012

Gloomy and Rainy

It's a gloomy and rainy day out.  Which is probably just as well seeing as how I am STILL recovering from being sick.  I am better today, or at least feel a bit better, but I am going to keep the meds up at least another day or two just to be safe.  And I am going to take it easy, too.  Which is kinda hard since I need to stay on top of the house and finish planning my oldest's party and then plan a party for youngest.  Although youngest's party is going to be mostly just family since it's not such a big deal for a 2yr. old!  LOL  Probably going to just do a little thing for him.  And that's all that is really important... that we're here for him!

Anyways, I took it fairly easy yesterday.  I did a few little things, but I really spread them out over the course of the day and took a ton of breaks.  I even tried to eat really well and drink lots of fluids.  :)  I was a good girl!  But now I need to try to do the same today.  THAT is the tough part.  Doing it for a few days until I am SURE I am over this.  I can't handle another relapse.  I just can't!  2 weeks is more than enough to be sick.  I am ready to be over this and get back to working on projects and things.  I did do a bit of that yesterday, but nothing major.  I just finished going through one box.  I'd really like to keep going through boxes and things that are in storage and getting rid of stuff I am not going to use and then putting up the stuff I am.  This box happened to be a box of frames and pics and things.  BRAND NEW.  Yup, pretty much an entire box!  We've been here nearly 5 years and I had never put them up.  SAD.  Mostly because with so much work going on, I was always afraid they would be broken or ruined.  But now that the vast majority is done, I'd like to get them up.  My Mom says I'll get that done and then be ready to move.  LOL  I don't think we will, though.  The hubby still has at least a year left at school and I know that we won't move during school.  And even though this isn't our 'forever' home, it's still our home and I'd like for it to feel more like us.  I am thinking that our next place will be an apt. for a while.  Anyways, I finished going through that box and deciding what to keep and what to let go of.  I put up a few things and now that box is empty.  WOOT!  Now to just get rid of the things that I want to.  Not sure if I should try to sell them or donate them.... 

Overall, yesterday was a pretty good day and the house is in pretty decent shape.  I already straightened up a bit today so I don't really have that much to do.  I would LOVE to vacuum my rugs, but that will have to wait until later as the hubby is sleeping.  I do have one errand to run later and so does the hubby, but overall I am just going to do my best to take it easy and get over this.  I feel like it is hindering my weight loss also.  I had a few good days of loss but since then I have been SICK!  So, I've just been riding it out and doing my best.  Although when I am sick, I tend to either nibble or eat nothing at all.  Nibbling can be bad as it can easily put me over my cals.  Nothing isn't such a big deal.  It seems I've had days of both with this!  But so far, my weight his holding steady at 187.5 to 188.  187.5 being the number of the day.  I don't think I would be losing now no matter what with my illness hanging on me like a cloak.  So, I'm happy that it's not going up.  It's so strange to me still to be in the 180's... I felt like I hung out in the 190's for a VERY long time.  It probably wasn't, but it sure felt that way!  I am still trying to grasp the whole new body image thing.  I put on a shirt the other day that I was sure would be too small and it fit wonderfully!  But looking at it, I couldn't see it.  And I had to remind myself that it was nearly 10lbs. ago that I last tried it on.  My hubby said I looked great!  He loves green on me and this was a green tank with a fitted waist.  I don't remember the brand, but it's not a regular tank.  The color is this gorgeous kelly green and it just looks awesome on me with the pale skin, blue eyes and my current dark hair!  I totally love it!  So, I was jazzed that I could wear it.  I wore it with dark denim fitted capri's and nude sandals.  However, the capri's were 16's and VERY loose.  I don't remember them ever being loose... funny how that works.  I think all of my capri's are getting loose at this point.  It's kinda insane.  I just can't really remember being this size.  You'd think I would!  I was telling my friend K just the other day that I think I am now 5lbs. lower than I was the last time I saw her.  I go back and look at those pics and I know that I don't look that much different, but it sorta feels it!  I was 193 the last time I saw her and it was at a friend's wedding.  And I remember being at the wedding and feeling so good about how I looked!  But now, it's like it's not even real yet.  WEIRD.

Man alive did I just ramble on and on there... I guess I am just still adjusting to all of this.  I know I am still not 'healthy' or skinny, but I can tell you that already I feel different.  But how long will this last?  Will I come to a point where I think OMG, I'm HUGE?  I've seen that on the boards and it always shocks me... I always think, but look what you've done!  How far you've come!  And now they hate themselves again.  I DO NOT want to do that.  I want to appreciate where I am and how far I've come and that this is a change for the rest of my life.  I want to look at myself and go I may not be perfect, but I am BETTER.  Does this make sense?  Just like with those 'fat days'.  I don't want to hate my body or myself anymore.  I want to appreciate where I am and what I'm doing and that I've come to the place where I can love myself that way.  And most of all, I want my kiddos to grow up feeling good about their bodies and not look at women as unchangeable statues that should always look perfect. 

Ok, ok... enough going on and on.  Hope you all are doing great.  I better go and get my kiddos in line -- they are starting to fuss and fight, per the usual!  And then I need to be deciding on what to do for breakfast/lunch.  I had planned on toast and eggs, but now soup is sounding good since it is so dreary out.  So, better get on that!  LOL  Well, as soon as I get the screaming kids under control!  HA!


  1. I think it's normal to think you're huge especially if you haven't gotten used to it. Sometimes our brains take longer to adjust. I know I look great in person and skinny and awesome but the second you take a photo of me, I'm like "seriously I am not that fucking fat!" I think the camera just hasn't caught up to me yet. lol

    Boo I hope you start feeling better soon from your flu. I've been really lucky to not get majorly sick in the last year!

  2. Ah! I totally know what you mean! Will I ever be happy with my body? I don't think I will. I just don't see myself as much different than I was before. Lots of people comment on how good I look.... I just don't see it. Is this a form of
    Body dis morphia? I dunno. But I hope I get to a point where I'm really really proud of
    Myself,and I am content with my body! And I hope you feel better soon!!!!

  3. Jewelz! Totally did not know you moved your blog from 3fc! Love the new look! :)


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