Sunday, June 24, 2012

Tight wound venting

So, I sorta had a mini-meltdown yesterday.  Well, almost.  I ended up calling my Mom and just venting it all out to her and she made me feel SO much better.  I feel VERY lucky to have such a wonderful Mom.  We had a great relationship while I was growing up, but she was for sure my PARENT.  But as I got older and grew up, we became friends.  Are there times we drive each other nuts?  Definitely.  But I love her so much it's hard to explain.  She is probably one of my closest and dearest friends.  I told her that and I think it tore her up -- she cried!  And I can understand why.  Being a parent is hard and you only hope that you've done the best you could while you are raising your kids.  And not all parents are the same... I've seen some crappy ones.  So, once you damage that relationship, it's hard if not impossible to get it back.  I really respect my parents, but most specifically my Mom, for loving me enough to sometimes say no.  I just hope I can be half the parents they were.

Anyways, I had been trying to convince myself that I was ok and that all was well, but the reality is that apparently all this mess with the hubby's job and his family was eating at my brain and heart.  So yesterday by the time I called and spilled out what all was bugging me RIGHT THEN, all the other stuff came bubbling up and well... I am feeling better today.  I am still annoyed about the party and whatnot, but you know, overall that went ok.  As long as my kiddo had a good time, that's all that matters, ya know?  Did my friend get on my nerve?  Yes.  Did she start in again today?  Yes.  Am I choosing to ignore her?  You betcha!  I know I'll get over this and we'll be fine.  It's just that for now she is stomping on my nerves and irritating me.  So, we need space and that is what I'm giving myself.

I have also decided that even though I am fried by all that is going on, I need to make more time for my kiddos to do the things they want to do.  So, come Monday I am going to get on with calling the swim teacher and piano teacher that my oldest asked for.   I think by doing this and getting out more, it will help.  I'm also going to try to set up a few playdates for the next coming weeks.  But most of all, I need to take more me time.  I always feel guilty for that, but it is exactly why I feel so burned out.  I never take time for me to do my appointments, just go shopping, hang out with my friends, etc.  My whole life and world revolves around my family and house.  Those things are important, but I am also important, too.  If I don't take care of me, I can't take care of everyone else!  Even my Mom said I needed to take more time for myself and not just when she comes up or whenever I am already to the point of snapping.  And she is right.  I keep saying I am going to but so many times, I push what I need aside since I feel like other things are more important... like hubby's school or whatever.  I am REALLY trying not to be bitter with hubby right now over work and school.  We talked about it some yesterday and I told him why I was frustrated and that I needed him to take control of the situation so I didn't have to stress over it.  He said he was trying and I flat out told him he wasn't trying hard enough because all the strain of it has fallen on me and the kids.  And THAT is not FAIR to our kids.  I can take it if I have to, but the kids shouldn't suffer from his supervisor's stupidity.  The thing is, I just KNOW that if he doesn't stand up to this particular man, he's going to keep pushing and pushing and pushing until the hubby snaps.  And just FYI, my hubby is the type that when he blows, it's big and ugly.  He's normally calm and easy going, but once he's had enough, well... it's like Hiroshima!  Me being the type I am, I would rather him deal with it head on now rather than let it go and get to that point.  I guess all I can do is let it go and wait and see.

Other than the drama that I have felt was impending lately, I've been doing a lot of work on projects and I feel like that has been good for me.  Nothing big or dramatic, just little projects here and there but it's starting to add up.  Pieces are getting used and put up, boxes and parts are being cleared out, and the house looks more 'finished'.  It's nice.  And I plan on trying to work on some more later.  It's a slow process, but it's happening!  That is all I can do.  I'm also keeping up with the house really well.  AND, trying to help a friend who is a single Mom with hers.  Right now, I am trying to get together some basic house stuff that she has never been able to afford.  I am looking around on some of the free sites and I am also looking on Craigs.  Later today if I have time, I want to try to look around at the local thrifts and see what I can find super cheap.  I want to help, but I can't give her much more money.  She is GREAT at paying it back, but she needs a hand up not a hand out.  So, I want to help her but not do it for her, ya know?  She's just a nice young woman who has been treated poorly and is trying her darnedest to treat herself better and her kiddos.  It can be done, she just has to believe in herself.  I just hope she finds that inner belief before too long.  So far, she is still beating herself up and her 'family' doesn't help any.  They just love to kick her when she is down and tell her what a waste she is.  I hope she pulls herself up 'by the bootstraps'.... and kicks them in the face!  Ok, not really.  But I do hope and pray that she gets her shit together and then is able to show them what she was able to do even though they had no faith in her.  I told her the only people she needed faith in or from is herself and God.

Ok, well, I have rambled on and on enough.  I need to get some more coffee in me and then get going.  Hope you all have a wonderful week!


  1. It's great to have someone to vent to and get out all your frustrations! I vent regularly to my BFF and I think it both helps us when we can just get everything off our minds and "on to the table." I have so much I need to do soon too that I hardly know where to begin! I think I'm gonna be moving sometime right before or right after the 4th of July and I should probably start packing straight away now!

  2. Sorry your feeling so stressed. It's really hard
    To balance taking care of everyone and yourself. I'm glad you got to vent! Sometimes life is just busy. I find myself in that position right now as well. It's rough. But women are built to be strong! You will push through. Just make sure to make time for you!

  3. You are such a wonderful person! Really. I really really mean it. First of all, You have a great relationship with your mom! I totally respect that and look up to it b/c I also have a great relationship with my mom. Also, for the single mom that you are helping, you are so awesome! My god!! Your soo great! x) I think she must really appreciate to have a friend like you to help her through the tough times. And I think that your support and your beleif in her will really help her up and allow her to pull herself "by the bootstraps" :)

    Ur awesome! ^_^

  4. That's cool that your mom is so supportive. It is important for you to make yourself a priority. If you are burned out and undernourished you won't be able to take care of anybody else... and when you try you may end up resenting them.

    It has to be tough being a stay at home mom. You do so much work, and aren't always valued as much as you should be.


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