Wednesday, June 13, 2012


I am grumpy.  Yup.  Tired and grumpy.  Wanna know why I'm grumpy?  I'm sure it's TMI!!!  But I'm grumpy due to lack of lovin'.  My hubby has been on nights and danged if it isn't a pain in the ASS this go around!  I don't know why, but it has been a long shift and I am ready for it to be over.  Maybe it's just because I've been sick.  I don't know.  But I am also grumpy from lack of sleep.  Youngest was up like 3 times last night.  UGH.  Not sure what is going on, but I am going to assume a growth spurt.  Either way, the result is a splitting headache that my kids are DETERMINED to irritate further.  One more peep outta them and I SWEAR I am going to separate them for the day!!!  Yeah, I'm THAT grumpy.

My weight this AM is 188.  Not sure where that whole pound came from as I was spot on yesterday.  I'm thinking maybe it was the low carb pasta I ate for dinner.  I only had a bit left over from the old days of watching my carbs, so we ate the rest of it.  But it does seem like it makes me retain water like crazy.  Believe it or not, the kiddos ate the vast majority of it.  I made it into mac-n-cheese.  YUM.  They had big bowls with a side of grapes.  I had a small bowl with a big side of steamed green beans with almonds!  YUM YUM!  I think I am going to start eating them that way more often.  I just prefer them over the canned.  Anyways, not going to worry over that one pound.  I'm sure it's nada and not worth stressing over.  I won't stress about anything else, either, if I can just get this headache to GO AWAY!

I wanted to put a post on here about something I watched last night and I am STILL trying to wrap my head around because I am just not sure how I feel.  I guess that is sorta what these types of movies are suppose to do, but DANG.  Here I think I've got it together and then I go and watch something like this.  It just throws a wrench in there!  And not that it's changed my mind -- it hasn't.  But it almost makes me mad!  I don't know how to describe it.  Anyways, the name of this movie/documentary is 'DISfigured'.  It was on Netflix and was recommended based on the fact that I had watched that show 'Ruby' from TLC.  The whole point of the program is that being fat and being Anorexic, have similar issues.  Both are eating disorders.  And I guess I never really thought of it that way before, but it's very true.  The other part of the show was that in America, we've been and still are conditioned to not accept fat people.  So throughout the program, they were talking about how it's a disorder and then they start talking about how you should just accept your body and your weight and that will stop the disordered thinking.  And honestly, I get that.  I do.  But I just don't completely agree.  I feel like if they really and truly feel they are sick, they should seek to get healthy.  Accepting themselves at any weight is great, but should you just seek acceptance or should you seek to be the best possible you that you can?  So you see, I'm feeling torn and somewhat annoyed!  I never should've watched that movie before bed last night.  UGH.  I guess I just feel like real body and image acceptance isn't about just loving being fat... it's about accepting you're fat and committing to being healthy and living the best possible life you can.  I just feel like saying if you love your fat and love being fat, it's an excuse to just do whatever.  I'm not saying you shouldn't like yourself at every size, just that you shouldn't use it as a reason to not do your best.  Does that make sense?  I know that even at my heaviest I took care of myself and now the weight loss is just part of it.  Part of loving me and appreciating me is eating healthy, staying active, and not just accepting the fat.  It's a weird twist of things for me.  Very weird.  And hard for me to put into words.

Ok, well, going to stop rambling on and on.  My parents are going to be here in a bit for a visit so I think that I want to get up and get my hair washed, possibly dust, and maybe paint my toes.  They look HORRID.  I cleaned and cut them the other night, but they need some more clean up and a polish.  Shouldn't take long.. and I probably should clean up my nails a bit.  Busy busy busy!  Ok, well, I guess that is all for now.  Hope everyone is doing great. 


  1. Interesting! I completely agree that you should be happy and confident at any size,however,you should always strive to be a better version of yourself. If that means being healthy,then yes,we should strive for that. To be honest,I was way more
    Comfortable with myself at 280 pounds than I am now at 208 pounds. Mostly because it's very new to me,I get a lot of comments and attention for it. I also have no clue how to dress. Before I lost weight I was pretty confident in how I looked for my size,I dressed well,I knew I was big and so did everybody else. Now I'm just awkward lol. I Agreee with you. I think just accepting being fat,is a bit of an excuse. Im also thinking your 1 pound gain is from lack of sleep,and sickness! You'll be back down soon!

  2. I hope you feel better!

    That documentary sounds very interesting and I would like to watch it when I get back state-side.

  3. I'm not sure how to approach that either... it's definitely a good thing to accept and love yourself no matter what you look like because confidence is a powerful motivator. However that leaves things really open to apathy, and being apathetic will not get you healthy. I think we should be ok with our bodies, but strive for health more instead of image. But then again striving for image may be the most powerful motivator of all. To each his own, I think we all have different philosophies and need to do what's best for us.

  4. O__O I can tell from your post that you aren't in the best mood right now. But, I really hope things have gotten a lot better now since the last time you posted! :) And, 188 but your on a good track, always going down.. ^___^ Slow and steady win the race right?!!? :D Well, Stay Positive! and I hope ur well! ^__^

  5. I'd like to see that documentary. As you can probably guess, I waver back and forth with seeing my weight as a disorder and trying to accept myself, and trying to diet.
    I'm really torn on what is the best path for me, because I can't stick to one side or the other. I see the merit in self love, and I think accepting yourself isn't meant to encourage apathy. It almost seems like with weight disorders diets are our drug, and the food obsession comes with it. Bleck.
    The trouble is that eating intuitively doesn't result in quick weight loss. Things are fine until I have a crappy day, and then I am upset that I'm not losing weight quickly enough and I start dieting or detoxing again. I can love my fat, but I'm still going to have shitty days sometimes when I don't love it or anything.
    It's easy to tell people to love their bodies. Hard for people to do that though. It's also tough to diet and stick to it. None of the answers are simple and they all take work. I personally wish that I could wave a wand and immediately be cured.
    Thanks for posting- I am going to find that dvd.


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