WHY am I feeling in a panic? Because I can't remember when my last period was. And from looking at my calendar, unless I forgot to write down one of my cycle's, I am about 2 weeks late! The good in this is that I am pretty darn positive I forgot to write it down the last time. I don't remember what was going on, but I'm pretty sure I said to myself several times to do it and I just forgot. So... that makes me feel somewhat better. But at first, I really freaked myself out because, yeah, not to give TMI, but we don't make decisions like that! Hubbster ALWAYS wears a raincoat! LOL Maybe years and years ago it would've been something we discussed but not now. And even now, we are wondering if we should do the big 'V'; as in vasectomy. Once in a while we talk about having another baby, but I just feel like 2 is it for us. One because I just feel done and two because I honestly don't know if I could handle having a 3rd. The two drive me bonkers at times. And I am mature enough to state that there are times I feel like I am emotionally wrecked and it would just be healthier for all involved for us not to have more. I feel like at times that sounds horribly selfish and then at other times greatly wise. I'm not sure which it is. All I know is that is how I feel at right this moment. I keep saying I am done, but I guess I could change my mind in a year or two. I would be darn near 35 or even 35 at that point. And I had really hoped to be done with having children by then. My plan (bwahahaha! as if those ever really work out!) was to be done by 35 with the hope of our kiddos being out in the world when we got to our 50's. We had our second at 30... so, we could be in the clear even earlier than that. Which would not only be good for us to have a point to look forward to it just being us, but it also allows our children to be closer to us because there is not the worry of the issues that come with a restricted income when there are lots of children. I know that may seem like a silly worry, but it's a worry. I would hopefully like to encourage my children to make their own way, but I would also like to be able to help should the need arise. I know my parents helped me some in college and it was wonderful doing it mostly on my own but learning the greatest thing ever that part of being an adult is learning to say no to yourself and learning when to say, that yes, you need help. It was humbling and for sure has helped me out a ton. It was a gift my parents gave to me. And I have always wondered if I had had another sibling at home, could my parents have done that? Would they? Would we? I'm sure we could... but really... I'm not sure. I know I know. I'm weird! I'm a worrier. I try to hand it over to God because worrying about every single thing that I couldn't even possibly know the outcome to is silly. But yeah... these are the thoughts that have me going at 4:30AM. WOWZER. I should go to sleep.
Ok, I'm almost positive that I have had my period this month and I should get another one in the next week and a half and I should quit panicking one way or the other because in the end, it's all in God's hands. But I WILL make sure I mark the calendar this time so I won't scare myself! HA!
On a final note, did I mention that my ulcer seems to have improved greatly? Or whatever stomach ailment it was... Either way, I treated it as it was an ulcer and it seems to really have improved. I was great about the medicine and only missed it maybe a couple of times. There isn't much left of the bottle, so I am thinking I might as well finish it. Although, I kinda dropped the ball on eating the bananas. I tried... just hard to get in. But I also tried on the yogurt and a few days of cabbage. Apparently it all added up and did something because it feels so much better!
I guess that is all for now. Not much else to report other than I've been feeling extra bloaty and fat lately -- probably from not so great food choices. I know I know... it's all in my power! And you're right. I have to make the choice. Seems like I go through this at least once a year. Maybe it's just part of the journey for me. I'm pretty darn sure it is. And I'm betting if I went back to this time last year, it would be the same. But for now, it is off to bed. I iz sleepy! And all of these animals have worn me thin today. Wish me luck!!!!