Monday, September 2, 2013

No weigh-in

1 blueberry bagel -- 260
2tbsp pb -- 190
drizzle of honey -- 30
coffee with 3 snl and 4cm -- 40
Breakfast Total:  520

2 slices of bread -- 100
2 slices of ham -- 50
1tbsp. mayo -- 45
1 peach (8oz.) -- 88
water -- 0
Lunch Total: 283

rest of my coffee -- 0
3 double stuft Oreo's --210
Snack Total: 210

1 peach (8oz) -- 88
1 banana (4oz) -- 100
water -- 0
Snack Total: 188

2 slices of Kirkland pizza -- 555
diet tea -- 10
Dinner Total:  565

Today's Total: 1766

I haven't weighed, but I don't need to.  I know that number hasn't moved because my food has been high.  I was hoping I could focus on getting back in gear with exercise and the food would fall into place, but that hasn't happened.  I guess I need to get back to focusing on food.  Big time.  Or that scale will never move.  And I want it to move.  Not for a holiday, not for our trip, not for any real reason other than I want to get lower.  I want to feel more normal.  I've dawdled long enough.  I have to find a way to get my food in order and get that number moving back down.  I'm feeling like a fat ass these days.  Which is strange because just a few months ago, I felt so thin... I was at an all new low and never in a million years would think that being in the high 170's to low 180's would feel so... big.  :/  But indeed, it does.  I feel like I'm pudging out of my clothes.  It's not like I've even gained much -- just a couple of pounds.  Typical weight when you come off plan.  So... why am I all out of sorts?  Why has it taken me this long to get back in gear?  Wish I knew what was going on with me.

I know today, right now, I feel a bit stressed.  Too many things going on and my brain doesn't want to process it all.  But process I need to do so I can move past it.  It's the biggest flaw of my personality.  I feel the stress of situations even if I am not dead center in them.  Like, right now there is a lot of family drama on top of the personal situations and it feels like it is all on me when that is dumb.  Some of it is not my issue.  It's my husband's family issue but I feel it for him and for my kids and well... it's extensive.  I'm just too darn sensitive.  But I'm getting better at processing it, moving through it, and letting what I can go.  Because what is the point in holding onto it if I can't do anything with it?  Nada.  So while I want to hear it, and I wish I could fix it, I can't.  I just have to process it and move on.

I got another workout in today and it was good and sweaty.  I guess I needed to sweat some of the stress out.  And it worked.  I feel much better now.  But the day is over and my cals were still too high.  So tomorrow, I guess I need to focus on better food.  No, not I guess.  Tomorrow, I need to focus on better food.  

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