Monday, October 7, 2013

Ups and.... downs

I decided to check my weight yesterday as a lark.  Yeah... 179.  Lord help me, this weight loss thing is driving me crazy!  Don't get me wrong, I was super duper happy to see that, but at the same time, I was over the top confused.  How in the course of just 6 days did I manage to loose like, 3lbs?  The ONLY thing I've really changed is not eating back exercise cals.  Maybe I weighed in too soon after my cycle to get a real reflection of loss.  :/  I'm just not sure.  Either way, I'm not going back to eating back my exercise cals.  I just don't want to.  1800 cals is actually a lot of food and most days, is more than enough.  The only thing I see adding back more of later would be more dairy since right now it's really the only thing I eat limited amounts of.  Especially hard cheese.  YUM.  I did go way over yesterday, but when I'm tired all I want is carbs carbs and more carbs.  And for whatever reason, insomnia has been my enemy lately. 

*sigh*  I'm not sure what is up with the insomnia.  When I first started going to the Chiro, that problem went away and so did the headaches.  But suddenly, both are back and I'm not sure why.  Headaches aren't severe, and I'm thinking they are a result of the weird weather.  We've had storms blowing through and they always seem to go north of us which seems to raise the pressure here like crazy.  But also wondering if it is from personal stress.  The hubby and I are fine, but we've had like ZERO downtime together over the last few weeks.  No date nights, no snugglin', and no *ahem* adult time.  Between his schedule, the boy's schedules, docs, family, and illness, we've just not had time.  It makes me wonder if that is a part of it.  I'm one of those needy bitches who needs that hubby time or I get grouchy.  He knows and it's usually fine and we both make the effort.  But lately, we've both been hitting the bed and passing out.  :/  Not happy.  But I know it's one of those 'life' things.  I wish we had time for a date soon but even with his time off coming up, we have a full weekend of travel and school stuff planned. AARGH.

On other fronts, I still haven't gotten back into a great rhythm of working out.  I only got in 2 days last week and none so far this week so I have to remedy that soon.  Yes, it was sick time and whatnot the last few days, but still.  Gotta get into a good groove and keep it up.  I have today and tomorrow planned then off on Weds. so far for this week.  Today is going to be a full day of cardio and cali.  I'd like to do weights, but I need to get more info on form and whatnot.  The more I read and do with hubby, the more I feel like heavy lifting is what I want to go full force into.  I just want to make sure I do it right and don't injure myself.  I want to find a plan that works for me and a schedule that works.  I originally wanted to do the traditional 5x5, but now I am thinking 5x8 or even 4x8 twice a week.  I'm really excited!  And since I still have more weight to lose, I want to continue cardio. 

Other than that, I'm chugging along the same.  I've been getting up in the AM and not hungry most days so I drink 2 to 3 cups of water and then a cup of coffee and end up eating around 2.  This gives me time to snuggle with my youngest, get him up and fed, do my computer stuff and then have my breakfast and get on with my day.  I guess some would call this IF, but I'm not thinking of it that way.  Just waiting until my system is up and going before I feed it.  LOL  I'm also trying not to eat so late.  Would that be called IF?  I guess.  I do go about 14hrs. without eating.  That's a couple before bed, sleeping, and then a couple in the morning.  Whatever.  I'm still eating the 1800 so call it what you will.  I'm just trying to not go to bed on a full stomach, get awake and get a good amount of water in first thing in the AM, and enjoy my food in non-zombie mode. 

I feel like a zombie a lot lately.  Just going through the motions.  And lately, it seems like a lot of folks are, too.  I've seen several posts over at MFP lately of people talking about how they feel almost alien in their bodies and how weight loss has really been a pain for them.  They've had many of the same worries as me, but so far nothing has come to fruition on my part.  I worried at one time that if I lost weight, would it make me want to cheat?  I knew it was silly to worry because what I look like is not who I am.  But several women actually came forward and said that weight loss ruined their relationships because they lost weight fast and then didn't know who they were.  They got all this new attention and found it irresistible.  Which is somewhat strange... your man stuck around all that time and instead of appreciating HIM you went to some jerkoff who paid NO attention to you before?  Made sense but didn't, ya know?  But I think the difference is the way they lost it.  I've been working on this slowly but surely over the last few years with some great months and some BAD months.  But I've not lost like, a huge chunk all at once.  I think the most I lost was 15lbs. in one short span.  But overall, I have done it at a slow pace giving my body and mind time to adjust to my current reality without too much of a shock.  Some of these folks had gastric bypass so it was a huge amount of weight in a relatively short time.  Like new people.  And apparently that isn't always good.  I still am in shock at times.  Hubby took a pic of me the other day and I swear, I had to take like, 10 more to see if that is really how I looked.  I'm wearing more 12's now but I haven't lost any 'weight', but I swear I look so much thinner.  I should post the pic.  Hold on....

That doesn't even look like me to me!!!  Do you all go through that?  I mean, it's been a couple of years and I still don't see it at times!  I'm still a bit chunky and I still don't love my arms, but I look so much better.  Dang.  I can't find the post that had all of my before pics...

Heh.  Found one.  Yeah... BIG CHANGE.  I went down and then up again after that pic with having my second child, but never THAT high again.  That was BAD.

Ok.  Enough of the photos.  I'm going to get off of here and get to gettin'.  I have a lot to do and I've piddled around enough!  Much more than normal.  LOL 

1 comment:

  1. You look great in that pic. The one on the right looks like a different woman completely! Seriously, the pic on the left you look like a healthy woman- not fat not skinny- just normal and healthy.

    I thought about the whole weight loss thing changing my relationship, and I even worried about it a little bit. For a little bit I even feel like I stopped trying to lose weight because I thought it would change things. Honestly though, after worrying about it for a while, I don't think it will change anything between us at all. When I was eighteen, and lost forty pounds, and bought all new clothes I went through the whole spiel with loving the attention and figuring out who I was. Most of the guys I ended up with really weren't worth my time, and that isn't going to change. I am pretty, and vibrant, and fun no matter what my weight is. I dated total flippin' retards until I met Chris, and I just have no interest in doing any of that again. I mean, I STILL get plenty of attention from random dudes if I go out with my friends, and most of it is just annoying now. Any guy can appreciate a pretty face, pretty eyes, nice boobs, and a good butt, but NOT any guy can actually see me for who I am and appreciate ME just the way that I am. When I went through my bad patch and gained sixty pounds (twenty of which are gone) I honestly thought I'd never be able to hook up with anybody worth having. Now I just feel sorry for that girl who had such poor self esteem. Our best match and soul mate will see us as beautiful even if we have porked out a little! Attraction has nothing to do with weight or love or anything else. I am glad that I met Chris as a "fat girl" because it made me realize how much better his character is compared to other guys that I dated. I mean, I've dated some guys who decided we shouldn't get serious because they wanted me to lose weight. Those guys were shallow dickbags. Seriously. All Chris ever saw was this beautiful, amazing person that he really wanted to be around and be friends with. Who would take random male attention (basically one night stands) over a real friend?
    I mean, I do know gals who lost a ton of weight and then broke up with their boyfriends. However, I don't feel like they were really in the wrong. The relationships that they were in really weren't great to begin with.


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