I'm having one of those times where I want to write, but I don't really know what to say. Ok, not true. I have tons on my mind but the brutal truth is it seems like every time I open my mouth to say anything, I get my head bitten off. And I hate those times. It's like, if you have an opinion, even one that isn't argumentative just something you stated, you're fighting. So... I am feeling like what is the point in even saying anything? Especially if these people are suppose to be my friends and whatnot? Just seems pointless to say anything at all because if you disagree about it, it just causes drama. And I don't want drama. I don't see the point. I don't see why people can't disagree and then agree to disagree and move on. Why does it have to become an argument even after you try to walk away? Which I did. Not in one situation but in 3 or 4 the last few days. And honestly, I feel sucked dry. And... it's my birthday. I know it's silly... I'm 34. And it's not a big deal. But I feel like this year is already off to a rough start. Between all of the other things going on and then feeling like I'm kicked in the teeth just for having my own feelings makes me feel like I'm disappearing. Maybe that is what I need to do is disappear. Not permanently, mind you. More like a vacation. Between stuff going on and winter blue's, maybe what this ol' gal needs is a vacation to somewhere warm and sunny! Ok, I realistically know we probably can't afford it now, so I would settle for somewhere warmer and sunnier. LOL
Speaking of affording, still working on that. Switching all of our insurance over has been a real challenge. Allstate wasn't very happy about us leaving. But considering that our insurance jumped nearly $200 for no reason JUST on our house, we had to do something. Not to mention that the one and only time we had a claim with them was a FIGHT. Now, Allstate vehicle was awesome and I hate to lose them. But it's a better package to go with all in one place. But they couldn't refund the money except to us and only in check. We ended up paying MetLife up front, so now we have to wait for the refund because Allstate took payment 3 weeks early -- which they shouldn't have done. So... we are upside down until that refund comes in. I am trying to decide if we should return all of that money to our Escrow or only half since we paid up front. It would make our monthly payment cheaper, I believe. Because it would be like we paid our insurance and land taxes up front... which is why we had tried to cancel our Escrow to begin with. Because with all of the new laws, they have to have so much cushion on top of what you already pay. And originally, that amount was low but it's some high amount now. And since they said ww couldn't cancel the Escrow due to their rules, this is the only way around. So... Hmmm... thinking I will just send the whole check back in. It would be equal to what we had been trying to do. Then use the lower monthly payment to hopefully make life a bit easier for us and get some things paid off easier since this is money we didn't factor in. Could be really nice. Guess we will see. I may sit down and crunch numbers and figure it out.
Next on my agenda of topics is TADA! My weight. Weight this AM is 181.5. That's not too bad. Especially since it was my birthday so we've had food out, been running around, and all that. I haven't been going crazy... or at least I've been trying not to. AND, I've been upping my weights. I'm really enjoying the SL 5x5. I do get sore, but it's not too bad that I can't handle it. You know? But we are pushing it a bit now since we want to get the benefits of the weights and really see what we can do. I'm happy with our progress so far. But I'm thinking I'm not sure how long I can go without calorie counting because I really do want weight loss. I originally said I was going to try the whole 12 weeks without watching cals. Then I was thinking the other day that I would watch but only to make sure I was hitting maintenance. But now I'm not sure. I think I'm going to do some more research and ask some friends who have been having success on MFP how they feel and their plans and go from there. I'm thinking I will go back to cal counting in another week or two. I want to TRY to get to 6 weeks at maintenance then cut from there. Then I'm going back down to the 1650. I may be higher or lower. We'll see when we cross that bridge. The point of all of this ramble is that we're moving steadily ahead and I'm happy with where I'm at... just not sure which path to take forward but I will figure it out.
Ok, going to bring this to an end and get on with getting on. Usually the best way for me to deal with stress and negative feelings is to put that into something positive like getting some work done around here. So, that is what I am going to do. I have lots I can be doing so might as well make some progress with it. :)