Body Fat

I had a rough day yesterday.  I managed to get quite a bit done around the house, but it was a long, drawn out process because my cycle has been SO heavy.  I felt like garbage all day.  I tried not to over-eat, but by the end of the day I was so tired and hungry I had a big dinner.  I also made the conscious decision to have 2 beers to help with my pain (alcohol thins the blood).  I would've had liquor, but I didn't want to be drunk.  And it helped OH SO MUCH.  I just sipped the beers and after about an hour and a half, the pain let up.  Which is awesome because I was so miserable.  I had to *ahem* freshen up and change like 2 or 3 times that day.  That is unusual for me.  But I managed to get almost caught up on the house.  I have dusting left today and some sheets/blankets to fold.  But that is about it.  I got everything else done in chunks.  I would work for a few minutes then have to take a break.  I kept feeling woozy so I would stop, drink some water, and then work some more.  Stop, have a snack, drink some water/liquid, work some more.  It was like that all day.  I went WAY over cals.  But I was just starving.  And exhausted.  And hurting.  No excuse, I know.  So, back at it today.

Which brings me to what I was really wanting to talk about which is body fat percentage.  Like I said in a previous post, I've been getting some cardio during the week to help with stress, endurance, over-all health, etc.  So, when I got on my treadmill to 'walk it out', I decided to check my BF% since I haven't done that recently.  And boy was I shocked.  It said my BF was 25%!  That is down nearly 5% since the last I checked it!  Now, I know that the electronic ones aren't super accurate.  I did some reading up on them before and I decided that this was the way to go.  Short of finding someone who is good with calipers and paying to have my bf checked and then finding another person so I could get an average and then doing both again later I was stuck.  The only other option would be to do one of those water submersion things or maybe a Dexa scan.  Both are hard to find and too pricey.  I've heard of doing like the Bod Pods and whatnot, but I've heard their accuracy isn't any better.  So for just a baseline, I decided to follow this.  Whether it is off by a few percent is irrelevant.  The point is that it is moving down.  And if it is correct, my weight is shifting the right way and I am REALLY pleased with that.  Weighing a bit more but having most of it be muscle is great!

But what is on my mind with it is my 'ultimate goal weight'.  Originally my goal was the 150's and then I thought, well, I'm going to go for Gold!  I'm going to aim for the 140's!  But then I went back to I should probably aim for a weight I've been and was comfortable.  That would be in the 150's.  In the end, I went back to the 140's because according to all of the charts, that is where I should be to be 'healthy'.  But now... now I'm re-evaluating.  The max it could be off is 5%.  If that were true and I was at 30%, that means that of my 178lbs. only 53lbs. would be fat.  That leaves 125lbs. of muscle.  Which means I couldn't go that low without losing muscle.  Most women need a certain amount of body fat.  Even if I only had 20lbs. of fat (and I believe I would need more than that), that would put me at 145.  I just don't know if I can get my BF that low.  And frankly, I don't think I want to.  I want to lose weight and be healthy, but I don't want to fight to be super thin.  I think I would like to lose another 5% (which is roughly 5 to 15lbs.), but I don't know that I want to lose more than that.  Because if the accuracy was spot on at 25%, the amount I could lose without losing muscle is even less.  So, it makes me wonder if my goal should be changed back to 153-155 and if I continue to lose at that point, then great.  If not, I want to be able to be 'done' and working at maintenance and not fighting myself to get off 10 arbitrary pounds.  I want to be healthy and happy -- not stressing myself out over a few pounds that in the long run, aren't that big of a deal.  Does that make sense?

In case you were wondering where this was coming from, well... it's several places.  One is the MFP forums.  One is a few blogs I read.  Another is from myself from looking at my over all life.  You see, I see these women constantly struggling and fighting over the last few pounds.  I see them driving themselves nuts to workout for hours, eat a super strict diet, and fit this ideal in their head.  And well... that's not me.  Good for them if that is their goal; but I don't want that.  I would rather be 10lbs. heavier and enjoy my life.  I want to share popcorn with my kids, go to a birthday party and enjoy a piece of cake, have a glass of wine... all of these in moderation without the constant worry of every morsel that goes into my mouth.  Every minute spent on the treadmill.  I just.... I don't see that as living.  It's not for me.  And honestly, if that's what you want that's all you and fine.  It just isn't what I want.  I don't want to just get through each day.  I know that I will forever have to be watchful.  I get that.  But I don't want it to feel like a 'chore'.  It isn't really now.  So why would I want it to become that?  Coming from 226.5lbs., I feel like once I get down to my goal, I'll be good and I can stick with that.  That's why the 150's are more appealing.  I want to be healthy but not at the cost of feeling so... stressed.  Because I know myself and know that is how I would feel.

I guess that sums it up then.  I am going to move my goal to 153.  From here, that is exactly 25lbs.  Well, 27 from when I got back to tracking.  Off I go.