Saturday, July 12, 2014

Figured it out...

I was reading on MFP last night about 'fat bashing' and 'fat shaming' and for whatever reason, something in my brain tingled and it hit me -- I've been self sabotaging.  All this time I thought I was over a past incident, but instead of moving on, I've been doing the childish thing of 'rebelling' against it in a subconscious way.  Silly me!  Instead of progressing on, I've held myself back being bratty... to myself!  UGH.  Why do I do that?  WHY???  I have no clue.  All I know is, that I woke up this morning feeling much more like the old me.  Ready to track food, exercise, and get on with my life instead of holding onto rebellious and negative feelings that I had, apparently, been holding in and didn't know I was. 

The funny part is, I am not even really sure what it was about the article that triggered the feeling and the 'ah-ha!' moment.  I was just reading a reply someone wrote and I said to myself, "Ya, like what I'm doing right now."  And BAM.  Yup.  I'm self-sabotaging for NO GOOD REASON.

Today has already been better; actually starting with last night.  I went to bed and actually SLEPT.  I wasn't restless and tense.  I got up feeling darn good and have already gotten my workout in.  I've already tracked my food so far, and I've done a bit of straightening and have more of that planned for here in a minute.  I even made my 'To Do' list last night and I'm ready to work on it once my food settles.  I just feel... more like me.  Weird, huh? 

I'm just glad I am getting somewhere.  I don't like being out of my groove.  I'm very much a routine and level person.  I can deal with the ups and downs, but apparently my brain and body don't like it much.  LOL  I'm always slow to recover.  But, I recover and keep going on.  Even with the slowness, I've not back-pedaled.  I've not gained a ton or given up.  And I won't.  :)


  1. Good luck with everything. I self-sabotage too especially I'm in the "I-don't-effing-careeeee" moods.

    It's important to get a reality check from time to time :)

  2. Woohoo for being able to get out of your funk! Right on! Love when epiphanies happen out of nowhere :D

  3. I self sabotage. It's easy to think "Well, I can eat what I want when I want to. There's nothing wrong with indulging sometimes." And there isn't. Except for when it happens every day over a long period of time, and it keeps me forty pounds over weight. Lol. Then it's a big oops that really needs improvement. I'm not fat bashing myself or beating myself up anymore, but there's nothing wrong with being honest about the way things are in my life. It's the need to "food reward" myself, and comfort myself with food that adds up to the extra 250 calories a day that add up to the extra forty pounds that I carry. No need to bash, but it's good to be honest with ourselves.


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