I was reading on MFP last night about 'fat bashing' and 'fat shaming' and for whatever reason, something in my brain tingled and it hit me -- I've been self sabotaging. All this time I thought I was over a past incident, but instead of moving on, I've been doing the childish thing of 'rebelling' against it in a subconscious way. Silly me! Instead of progressing on, I've held myself back being bratty... to myself! UGH. Why do I do that? WHY??? I have no clue. All I know is, that I woke up this morning feeling much more like the old me. Ready to track food, exercise, and get on with my life instead of holding onto rebellious and negative feelings that I had, apparently, been holding in and didn't know I was.
The funny part is, I am not even really sure what it was about the article that triggered the feeling and the 'ah-ha!' moment. I was just reading a reply someone wrote and I said to myself, "Ya, like what I'm doing right now." And BAM. Yup. I'm self-sabotaging for NO GOOD REASON.
Today has already been better; actually starting with last night. I went to bed and actually SLEPT. I wasn't restless and tense. I got up feeling darn good and have already gotten my workout in. I've already tracked my food so far, and I've done a bit of straightening and have more of that planned for here in a minute. I even made my 'To Do' list last night and I'm ready to work on it once my food settles. I just feel... more like me. Weird, huh?
I'm just glad I am getting somewhere. I don't like being out of my groove. I'm very much a routine and level person. I can deal with the ups and downs, but apparently my brain and body don't like it much. LOL I'm always slow to recover. But, I recover and keep going on. Even with the slowness, I've not back-pedaled. I've not gained a ton or given up. And I won't. :)