Wednesday, August 27, 2014


I guess my weigh-in can be official now.  I was reluctant to accept it on Monday, but I got the same answer yesterday and today.  So, this weeks official weight is 174.5.  I'm not reluctant because of the number itself, I was just surprised.  Yes, I've been pretty well on track and have only had a couple of really busy and active days where I went over.  But I guess it just still didn't seem real.  But I am pleased!  Today is the 27th leaving me almost a month until Fall.  Which leaves me hopeful that I can get to the 160's.  That's only 5lbs. to 169.5.  Granted, I'd be happier to be more firmly there, but I'll take it if I can get there.  LOL  What has been hard is saying no to shopping.  SO MANY CUTE THINGS.  But right now, I am good and trying not to shop.  In 5 more lbs., I probably will need a few more jeans, but that will be about it.  I just WANT to shop.  And shopping for a smaller size in jeans is always lovely.  I've been skirting 12's off and on since the beginning of this year, I believe.  Some 12's fit, but it's not across the board.  But I knew that -- I knew that until I got down lower that it would be that way.  For the smaller sizes, a few pounds count.  So, I knew that just because some 12's were fitting that not all would.  I knew I needed to get down to that next bracket.  I guess that is why I am so unsure of setting a final weight.  I would much rather wait until I got closer to see what my range is going to be.  Like, say I get to 155 and that puts me in between sizes?  Then I would want to lose a bit more so I'm in a good range.  Or what if I hit 153 and that had me exactly in the middle then I would want to stay.  I'll just have to see.

Other than that, not much else to write about.  Well, that's not really true.  I have a lot on my mind but part of it is stuff we have discussed extensively so I'm not sure what else to say about it.  I want to 'talk' it over, but it is what it is.  I guess I have some closure; but not really.  On a good note, the kitchen has moved right along and I am pleased with the results.  Although, now that it is going back together we have been making a couple of small changes.  And additions.  One of those is that instead of just cramming everything in the pantry, I have bought some baskets and shelves to organize things.  I'm actually going to be working on things today because I'm ready for all of this stuff to get put back in.  I'm not sure how far I will get, but I want to get started.  I feel like I have a TON to do but not sure where to dive in.  Make sense?

On a good note, the hubby got the lawnmower fixed after it being broken for over a week.  AGAIN.  I am thinking when we move, it will be time to buy new.  We've never owned a new one, but I am sick to death of the constant repairs it needs.  It's always something.  It works fine when it is up and running, but at this point we are losing more in time than we are saving.  Hubby also fixed the fridge.  I am SO thankful that he is the type of person who can research something, take it apart, and fix it.  He very rarely has fear about it, either.  He just jumps in and figures if it is already broken, what does it matter?  And then if he can't figure it out, he will ask someone else.  So far, though, he's been really good at fixing things!  The whole electrical thing on the front went out.  It controls the whole fridge.  Apparently, this is a BIG issue with this type of Maytag fridge.  Two capacitors blew.  He removed them, bought two new ones at Radio Shack, and soldered them back on.  And... FIXED.  Saved all the food, probably the purchase of a new fridge or an expensive repair, and my sanity.  It's been a rough couple of weeks.

I'm still feeling all outta whack over the drama.  I have really taken to heart what my friend Didi said about the way of approaching people and subjects and I have really tried to think on it.  But here is my thing... where do I draw the line?  Where do I just not say what I'm thinking in deference to others?  What I'm trying to say is how do I express my feelings and my thoughts if I am constantly cutting myself off and not allowing my own expressions?  I hope that makes sense because that's what it feels like.  I feel like it's ok for others to say what they wish, but if I say something against it, I'm somehow the bad person for having my own thoughts, feelings, and experiences.  And I am always hearing how I'm not lending enough credence to their experience but yet, I never said their experience wasn't real.  As a matter-of-fact, I tend to say I hear what they are saying about their experience, but it doesn't change mine.  But somehow, my experience ends up being labeled as the less than normal experience.  I'm sure there are times when my personal experience doesn't translate... but surely not as often as I hear it.  If so, I'm not sure how to feel about that. 

Anyways, back to what I was saying.  When is it ok to fully state how I feel?  If not on my own page on my own topics, then when?  Because on other people's pages, I try to be respectful of their feelings and if I just flat out disagree (which is rare, I can usually see at least one point), I just say ok, we agree to disagree and I walk away.  I had one friend (who is now no longer a friend; the same friend I disagreed with on clean eating) who got mad because I wouldn't argue anymore.  I just ok, sorry; I just won't comment on your topics at all anymore. She was like, you can't say blah blah blah then walk away.  I wasn't trying to just 'walk away', I was trying to be respectful of her feelings and her page.  But even then, drama.  Why is that?  Why is it not ok for me just to say ok, you do you and I'll do me and we can just talk about something else now.  WHY???

I'm overall feeling frustrated with life right now and not sure how to go on.  I've lost the one friend I had on this street over food (and maybe football?  I don't know).  And then the newest neighbors behind us are falling apart and well... it's like all ties here are being cut.  I knew when leaving there wouldn't be much to miss, but this is a whole new level.  I've never moved and not missed at least a few people.  It's hard and frustrating to say the least.  I don't feel depressed, but I would say that on some level, I am.  It would be hard not to be depressed on some level with all of this and I have no where to turn with it except for here.  I let it out in little bursts on FB, but mostly on here because I have no other outlet other than to drive my other friends/family nuts.  And I'm sure they are sick to death of hearing it over the phone.

But complaining does no good and I know that so I might as well put some of this frustration to work.  So, that is what I am going to do today.  I am going to get to work and get a few things done.  Wish me luck!


  1. It's ok to fully state how you feel in long drawn out detail. However, there will be people who do not agree, and those people may get upset about it. That's not unusual. That's typical. Most people can't handle it at all when others do not agree with them. It doesn't mean that you are a bad person. It means that you had had had to explain all of your feelings even when you knew the other person disagreed. It means the other person responded in a typical way, which was to shut down, get upset, and possibly avoid you in the future.
    If you don't want to avoid certain topics, make sure you hang out with people who have the same feelings as you do about things. Or make sure that they are mature enough to not get miffed over a difference of opinion. When to draw the line? When the other person is clearly upset and not really listening anymore.
    Actually, the best skill to learn would simply be how to present your feelings in a way that both diffuses the difference in opinion, and makes the other person you are talking with not feel threatened. I love ya, girl, but you haven't mastered those things yet.
    It takes assloads of effort to effectively communicate with people who are prone to becoming upset over slight differences in opinion. And even if you know how to do it- it can take a lot of extra energy on your part, and why bother? They aren't going to learn to do the same for you.
    The "clean eating" bimbo sounds like a silly twat. She gets upset when you have an opinion, she gets upset when you won't keep quarreling. The girl wants to bicker, and it has nothing to do with you. Figure out why you are carrying around a low level of frustration, and drawing these kinds of people and situations to you. What's the positive lesson for you? The underlying theme is that you aren't feeling heard and understood. How can you change that?

    Before we moved I was feeling more and more frustrated. Nothing was working. Nobody understood me. I felt that I was passing time. You're in the same boat. It's time to go, and you know it. There are better days ahead, and a better place for you- just hang in there.

    1. You know, I think you hit the nail on the head here. I feel I am normally pretty good at listening and stating my opinion in a non-threatening way. But I think here lately, maybe my level of frustration in general is overpowering that. We are MORE than ready to go but things just aren't falling into place, yet. I am trying to be patient and do what is right, but I do feel an overall level of frustration, aggravation, and... I don't even know what other word but it's there. And I'm betting that over the last few months, it's starting to ooze out when I don't even realize it. Now my big thing is to figure out how to deal with it.


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