Saturday, August 9, 2014

Wasn't going to

I wasn't going to write tonight, but after some debate with myself, I finally decided that I might as well.  Maybe it would help me to rest.  Maybe I would feel... relaxed.  Because so far, that's not happening.  Wonder if it was the tea?  Nah.  Probably just have a LOT on my mind. 

Mostly, my hubby's Grandma passed away.  We had to rush out of town after a day of rushed prep.  It probably would be easier if we had any help, but we didn't have much.  The couple of people we rely on occasionally ended up having some of their own tragedy, or their own work going on so we ended up just making due and it really was for the best.  I won't get into their drama for it is their own.  Anyways, we took the kiddos with us this time.  They did so well and I'm so proud of them.  But it was a rough few days.  Sunday was a scramble to pull things together -- thank goodness for our friend/pet sitter/house sitter pulling through or we would've REALLY been in a mess.  But it worked out and we got on the road.  We were there two days and on the third day we headed home and stopped in at Kentucky Splash for the day to enjoy our last few days of Summer as a fam.  It started out rough, but we decided to stick it out and make the best of it.  That has been our motto lately -- try to make the best of a bad/sad situation.  And even the wake/funeral was that way.  There were tears, but there were also a lot of good memories.  It was wonderful hearing them since the hubbs hasn't gotten to see that part of the family until the last several years.  So, he has missed out on some of them until then.  I am still somewhat confused on his reaction which has been that of non-reaction.  It's really not like him and I don't really know what to think.  I have asked him 100 times if he is ok and he says he's fine.  But he doesn't 'feel' fine.  It's hard to explain.  We are normally so in sync and lately... not so much.  I think he is overwhelmed with everything.  I have no other explanation but I hope he will talk to me soon.  I don't want to push him -- I feel he just needs time.

Anyways, over all, it was a trip for a bad reason, but turned out fine.  My eating was horrible, I'm sure, even though I tried.  I didn't track it... especially the day of the funeral.  Food was provided which I thought was amazing.  But I had no idea what most of it was.  So, just no tracking.  I probably could've tried, but I didn't.  I started to the day after since I did the day before and I could, at this point, still write it down.  But I know it was high.  Is it an excuse?  Yeah.  But I don't feel bad about it.  I'm not going to dwell.  Right back to business.  I know I didn't make perfect decisions, but I also know that I didn't do as bad as I could've.  I am probably beating myself up over eating at maintenance if you want to know the truth.  I did weigh-in tonight at 182.5, but that was at night.  And today was a busy day of errands, lots of walking, and certainly not enough water.  I will check again in a day or two to see where I am at.  Since it is Friday, that will probably be Sunday or Monday.  I went a bit over in cals today finishing off some leftovers, but nothing serious -- 172.  I am thinking of lowering my cals a bit over the next few days.  Normally I wouldn't do that -- normally I would say just get right back to it and move on.  But... I was making slow progress before and I feel like if I drop right now, just a few hundred for a few days, I'll get back on track numbers wise and my average will be where it should be.

Ok, I decided to go back and write down everything I could remember.  I know I'm missing a snack in there, but I can't remember for the life of me what it was.  Anyways, I got most of it down and I was under 2500 for Weds and Thurs.  Give or take anything I missed or mis-added.  Overall, I feel pretty good about that!  That's less than 2000 over for the week and if I go with my plan to reduce a bit lower than normal over the next few days, it should all balance out over the course of the week.  Supposedly to maintain I need about 2000, so really that's closer to 1000 over for the week.  If I cut back just a bit each day over the next week or so, I should be back on track.  :)

Got to see my oldest kiddos new school today.  I'm a bit bummed that he is in one of the additions, but it can't be helped.  The area is just growing too fast.  But his teacher seemed nice, if a bit flighty.  Hopefully it will work out and it will be a good year.

Now, now I don't know what to do with my weekend and next week.  One part of me feels burned out and like this weekend should be some time off.  The rest of me says I should get right back to work.  But I feel so... stilted.  Stiff.  Stuck.  Does that make sense?  I guess I should just play it by ear and see how the week feels and go from there.  I'm going to go for now and try to relax a little then hit the bed.  I'm tired now but need to let my heartburn meds kick in before laying down.  I'll catch up on blogs over the next few days.

1 comment:

  1. I'm sorry to hear about your lost. And it seems you had a pretty busy week! I agree with you that you shouldn't track those calories during major events because its seems to you got bigger problems to worry about. Either way, I hope you take the week to chill and relax a bit. You seem to have been everywhere this week. It must be exhausting so.. relax for the remainder day and gain your strength again! And of course, keep up the good fight of eating right haha :)


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