Cranky

I've been terribly cranky today.  I didn't wake up cranky, but I sure felt cranky after listening to two kids whine and complain all day.  By dinner time, I was ready to go out of my MIND.  Hubby was also late coming home, so my nerves were at the edge.  Thankfully, they settled down.  But I am just about to lose it with them.  I have decided that even though I am in a no buy zone for a few more days, I'm going to go to a couple of new stores tomorrow to break up my day.  I need a break -- I need to get out.  It's suppose to be terribly cold, but I have to get out.  So, I'm going to maybe hit TJMaxx and Aldi.  It's been forever since I've been to Aldi, but I want to give it a try.  It's not super convenient for me, but I am thinking that if I find some good stuff, it may be worth it for me to make a drive down there once in a while.  Mostly for things that I can't buy at Costco.  Yes, Kroger and Publix are closer, but I want to go check it out anyways.  I need some time out. 

I think that is still and probably always will be my biggest issue.  I am terribly lonely.  But I am not willing to sacrifice my own feelings and thoughts to just have some half ass friend.  I'm a considerate and caring person, but if I don't get that in return... I just can't do it.  I can't just give up myself.  And since it's been confirmed that indeed the one woman I thought was my friend ended our friendship over a difference in eating... well, I am now skeptical and have failed to bond with anyone.  I am trying really hard not to dump all of my emotions and whatnot on my husband, my Mom, and my closest friend in PA.  But sometimes, it's hard.  I told hubby the other day that there are times I go weeks without talking to anyone in person.  The Mom's at the schools don't talk to me.  The neighbors don't talk to me.  Even at the store, people rarely speak.  So... I suffer from mouth diarrhea when I get to talking.  It just pours out from being bottled up like cheap champagne.  I always feel bad and TRY to not take over the conversation.  I think I fail a lot.  I'm trying to blog more to deal.  I really should be working out more.  I forgot to earlier... I think I will before bed.  I'm just doing calisthenics right now.  A quick 10min routine.  I want to get back in the habit.  Little by little to deal with stress.  I'm also trying to remember to journal.  But I find myself on here more than I do writing.  And recently, I've been thinking of reaching out by phone more to my friends instead of just on the pute.  I feel like I don't have that 'bond' anymore because of living through emails, chat, etc.  I think I need to hear real human voices.

With being so cranky, feeling annoyed and lonely, I still managed to do ok today.  I sanded a wall in the dining room and did some more repair.  I think another sand day after tomorrow and it will be ready for primer.  It may need some touch-up, but I am hoping not much.  If I can get that sanded and primed, I will be crazy happy.  I managed to get the trim around the patio door done and across the dining room.  I also got some laundry done, dinner made, and kept the house from falling apart.  I also finished another book to return to my Mom.  With making dinner, I managed to use up a bag of carrots that were at the end of life, some celery that needed to be eaten, leftover rice, and dried onions from my pantry.  It helped clean out part of my fridge.  I need to try to remember to clean out the condiments section tomorrow.  It's pretty full.  And I know that some of it probably needs to be eaten up.  I want to take stock of what is there and how long it has left and get to using it.  I've been using up some other things like extra cinnamon, some Stevia liquid and liqud Saccharin.  Bit by bit, making a dent.   In the pantry/freezer and the project list.  I really hope to tie up some stuff in the next few days but we will see.  I tend to not work well when I am like this.  I know part is just hormones and part is just... well, life.  I'm going to try to deal and just go on. 

I guess that is all for tonight.  I realize my blog is becoming boring... I'm not sure what else to talk about.  My whole life right now is focused on so many random things and I seem to fail at getting my points across.  Oh well.  Until next time.