Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Where is the Silver Lining?

So, that last post was a bit depressing.  A lot depressing.  I finished up and sent the hubby the numbers.  Seeing it in black and white, he finally got it.  I feel bad because now he feels defeated.  He feels like taking the job that was suppose to be the beginning of our new start was a bad idea and now we are stuck.  I feel somewhat the same, but there's not much we can do about it at this point.  It being his first titled job, we're going to have to stick it out for the 'experience'.  I still think it's a good job -- they treat him well.  We just have to find some way to make the money work.  I'm going to work on the numbers here in a bit and see if there are any tweaks we can make at all.

I think another reason why I feel down is because I don't have much support here.  Hubby's family is zero help and now my family is questioning going.  On top of that, not much friend support because I don't have but one or two friends here.  Then there are people like... *Katrina.  She pretends to be my friend, but in reality just loves to be snarky and stomp all over me.  Like when she wrote wanting to know why our house hadn't sold stating that the house beside her sold in 3 days for 180k.  Well, that's great!  But... they are two different houses.  For one, mine is a split foyer, so two stories.  Another is mine is fully re-done.  I acted all optimistic and then she went on to say, "any comments on color?"  I said no.  She said "well, most people want something more neutral".  Well, gee Miss, I dress like garbage, look like an old lady trying to look young in my yoga pants, tee, and outdated sandals, and live in a vanilla box, NO.  Not a single comment in the feedback has had a single thing to say about the paint.  I commented.  "LOL  Most people with common sense realize they can change paint."  She didn't have much to say about that.  HA.  Good.  I'm not sorry I don't fit her vanilla box.  I like vanilla because it's a plain canvas that can be left alone or dressed up.  But I wouldn't want to live it all the time.  I always have to throw on some sprinkles!

Anyways, that seems to be an issue here with people.  They can't stand people who aren't like them.  I keep thinking what is the deal?  I can handle some honesty.  If she had said, well, have you thought about making the paint more neutral to appeal to more buyers, that would've been fine.  But she posted it in a hateful way by comparing our house to another house that's in a different subdivision, has a completely different floorplan, yard, and square footage.  Just shitty.  I wish I could say that I felt like I'm over reacting or being too sensitive, but other people have mentioned this to me about her.  I've continued to tolerate it simply because our kiddos are friends.  It's been hard when she's made comments previously like, "It must be so sad for you that your kid isn't good at sports."  Yeah... she's one of THOSE women.  I'm done with  her.  She might as well not even talk to me.  She's already found a reason not to allow her kid to come to my kid's birthday party even though I took mine to hers and gave him a nice gift.  I have a feeling no matter when it was, she would find a reason for him not to come and to not buy a gift.  She's just like that.

I don't get the people here.  I guess it's partly my fault for allowing these people in my life.  But it's harder when you have kids and your kids are friends with their kids.  Which has been the case with these two women.  The other women I've met we've just not really bonded.  No hurt feelings but for sure nothing really close.  But these two have taken the cake.  I like honesty, but I don't care for snarky people who want to try to make you feel inferior.  And that's what both of these have in common.  It is, however, my fault for letting them get to me so much.  It's my fault for letting them destroy my confidence.  Because that is what it boils down to.  The first because I let her hateful beliefs that her way of eating and working out was the only way.  Even though I KNEW I had already done the moderation thing and lost 50 and kept it off!  This one because for one blink, I've let her idea of how MY home sale should go eat at me and upset me.  Even though I've done this before, too!  That's why I think it's my fault.  I should know better than to let two women who are so mired in their own narrow thoughts, get into my head.  They are allowed their own thoughts and beliefs, but I shouldn't have let either of their opinions eat at me the way I have.  I've lost a year of progress.  I guess the old saying of sticks and stones just isn't true.  Sometimes negative words, said at the wrong time, can do a whole lot of damage.  I try to remember that.  I'm not sure how well I do.  But I sure hope I haven't crushed anyone's hope and confidence the way mine has been since moving here.  This place has been my first experiences with that type of people.  I hope to be more discerning in the future. 

On a good note, I cleaned all of the glass downstairs.  Both sides of the TV cabinets, both big family room windows, both sides of the office french door, and then the huge window in the office.  I even took that one completely apart and cleaned the track and weep holes.  I didn't realize how dirty it was!  I also caulked the top and bottom part of the fireplace insert.  I need to do the sides eventually.  I also drilled the holes for the knobs for the bi-fold doors.  I went ahead and put the office one on since it will be a while before we do anything else in there.  I should be painting, but instead I'm on here venting trying to let go of some stress.  I've done other things and come back and forth.  Eventually I hope I can get this out of my damn system!  I hope I can vent here and then do something physical and feel... at least somewhat balanced.

* Name changed.

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