I really enjoy writing. Well, blogging. I really enjoy blogging. I think the real reason is not that it keeps me accountable, but that I don't have a ton of friends here so having the internet to talk to is pretty helpful at times. I think it is why I have always enjoyed journaling... otherwise I'd talk everyone's ears off. Yes, I'm a talker. I'm social. And my way of dealing with things for the most part is to talk it to death. Talking helps to clear my head and help me sort through the details. I know it can be annoying, so I am glad I've had here and my personal journal to vent. It really helps! But in the end, sometimes you just need a good girlfriend to dump all your whoas on. LOL Thanks to a good friend of mine for talking to me yesterday. I really wasn't 'on the ledge' as they say, but it was good talking anyways. :)
I will admit, though, that having the internet has been a positive and negative thing. It's been good because I've been able to keep in touch with a lot of my old friends, make new friends, and find instant info. The bad is, I'm on here a lot. Right Didi? UGH. Seems we have the same issues with getting on here and being on here for hours on end! I get sucked in, and I'm on and on. But in many ways, its been good. Like, I feel like I deal with things better now that I have this as an outlet. Just can't let it replace good ol' fashioned talking and friends, ya know?
I guess what has this on my mind is the fact that we are getting close to another move. So, I started really thinking about it over the last few days. I mean, I knew. I've talked about it. But something yesterday in my head just clicked and I was like whoa. This time next year we could be in a new place. It doesn't help that we've alllll been sick and my oldest isn't acting like he feels great again this AM. I know it's allergies and sinus drainage from the change in weather and a storm blowing in. But we all feel it. It's getting worse the longer we're here. We're all on meds non-stop. Not only is this costing us a small fortune, but what are we doing to ourselves having all of these meds in our system all of the time??? I just can't believe that this is healthy. We never FEEL healthy. That can't be good. So, this got me to thinking about the pros and cons of all of the places we've lived, why we moved (other than military) and where we want to go next.
I love where I grew up. I always thought I would be the one to stay and raise a family there. But in the end, I am the one that moved. Most of my friends who knew they were meant to travel (not ALL of them, but you know) ended up staying. It was ironic. I just thought I would stay. But I fell in love with a man who was destined to go to the Navy, so we did it together. I didn't leave my hometown or the surrounding area because I hated it. I left to be with my man. I read in a book about a wife who followed her husbands military career back in the 1900's and she called it 'Following the Drum'. That's what I did, but with the Navy. LOL Our first stop was SC. I liked SC. But at the time, I was ready to move pretty quickly simply because I KNEW it was a short leg. We lived in military housing and had some good friends, but we all knew it was to be short lived. So, it was like living in a hotel. It just wasn't long term. And lets be honest here, we were young and broke. We never really got to experience much down there. We have gone back in the last few years and I realize that we never really got to explore the area. We never got to that point where we wanted to. We were just getting through the time and moving on. So, thinking back and combining that with what we know now, I liked SC. Next was VA. And the more I think on it, the more I didn't like it there. I liked our lives and our friends, but not life there. It was crowded, it was crazy about taxes, and even doing the simplest of things was a pain. I use to think I'd LOVE to go back there, but the more I've processed it, the more I know that it was the people I miss and not the place. The only thing I did love was the wonderful parks to hike and bike and the beaches. But we can get that in other places. I didn't love pretty much everything else.
That gets me to this... where to next? Everyone keeps asking and the the real truth is, we don't know. Hubby will be done with school next January if all goes well and in the meantime, all he could do is an internship. He is actually looking into that now. So... we could even move this Summer. I've not really mentioned that to many people, but its the truth. We may even have to live apart for a while. UGH. But we could get through it. We just don't know where. The things we like and don't like here are pretty drastic. I hate a vast majority of the attitudes of people. There is no 'in between'. I'm the kinda gal who has friends from all over the spectrum, so the idea here that you have to fit into this box, bugs the SHIT outta me. It's been hard for us to just accept the way it is. I do love that there are lots of family oriented things and that the schools are good. I do like that where we are, the houses are spread out and things are still fairly close. But its the medical stuff and the attitudes that make me not want to live here. I have made a few good friends, but they have been hard won over 6yrs. But they are good friends and I'm glad to have them. I do hate that when we move, we'll be leaving our new neighbors. I count them in that small group of friends. They are just awesome. But it is what it is and when it comes down to it, we gotta do what is best for us. But where to? We know we don't really want to go further north -- not a fan of cold weather. We don't really want to go too far west -- all of our fam is only a couple of hours from here. So, our best option is to move south. All we can really do is wait and see. But I know I would be ok with northern FL, GA, or even AL and TX. Although TX is a bit far. I would even be ok with parts of TN or SC. But all we can do is wait. We really need to go where the jobs are, but I also want to go where we can be near parks, good schools, not too terribly far from fam, and all that jazz. *sigh* So much to consider. I know that God will point us in the right direction. As much of a pain as this place has been at times, it has also been a blessing and we know this was where we were supposed to be at this point in our lives.
1 blueberry bagel -- 260
1tbsp. creamy PB -- 95
Drizzle of honey -- 15
Coffee -- 0
Breakfast Total: 370
I have decided to go down to 1tbsp. of pb when possible. While I love PB, nearly 200 cals on 2tbsp. is just crazy to me. So, down to 1 it is. This will allow me to add fruit on those days where all I feel I can handle is a bagel. Which is what has sounded good to me lately. And fluffy eggs. But I've not been eating many eggs. I may do that tomorrow.
1c. Cocoa Puffs -- 133
1/4 skim milk -- 20
8oz. oranges -- 107
Coffee -- 0
Lunch Total: 260
1 blueberry Nutri-grain bar -- 120
Water and coffee -- 0
Snack Total -- 120
LC herb crusted fish meal -- 270
51/4oz. apples -- 77
1tbsp. sugar -- 46
1tbsp. butter blend -- 50
Dinner Total: 443
Today's Total: 1193
Uhhh... I don't know if that total can be right... I mean, surely I ate more than that? I felt full all day. I mean, I was busy doing stuff and I know that nothing really sounded good, but surely I ate more than that? Surely I wasn't that full from cereal? I normally don't eat cereal, but if I am going to be that full and satisfied, maybe I should consider it! LOL Dinner was really filling, too. I actually didn't finish the apples until later. Just a weird day...